Walk Away
by RobzBeanie
Summary: **COMPLETE ** Bella takes a mental health break from her real life, but she doesn't expect to find Edward. M for language and future... citrus. AH
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: **Welcome to my very first multi-chapter fic! Thanks to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

"Meeting adjourned. Thanks, everyone."

At those blessed words, I stand up and stretch. I have too much work to do to sit in meetings all day.

"Hey Bella, when do you think you'll have those numbers we talked about?" Bob Banner — my boss, and our CFO — asks as we file out of the conference room.

"I should have them to you by the end of the day," I reply. "By 4pm," I correct. "I have to leave a bit early today, remember."

"Oh of course, of course… well, get back to work. We've got to get the draft of the blue books to the printer by the end of the week."

I reach my office and sit heavily in my chair. It's 11am and I am already exhausted. Signing back in to my computer, I check my e-mail to find two dozen unread messages. Just accumulated during the one-hour meeting. Shaking my head, I resign myself to another scintillating lunch of a bag of chips and a Diet Pepsi at my desk.

Mid-afternoon, I stand in front of the mirror in the ladies room staring at my reflection as I wash my hands. The bags under my eyes are more pronounced than they've ever been. I need to start getting more sleep. My skin seems sallow, even more pale than usual. Even my long brown hair looks lifeless.

I pass the break room on the way back to my desk and grab another can of pop from the vending machine — I need the caffeine. My head has been throbbing for the last hour, so I down a couple Excedrin with my drink.

My eyes are crossing from comparing numbers across two spreadsheets — whoever invented dual monitors was a genius — when my phone rings, startling me.

"Hello… Yeah… yeah, I remember, I'll be out of here 4:15 at the latest… yes, I still need to order the cake and mail the invitations… hang on, let me grab a pen to write down the address…"

I quickly scribble the address for the printer's shop, then chew on the tip of my pen as I listen.

"Look, I gotta get these numbers out before I go… Love you, too. Bye."

I turn back to my spreadsheets… where the hell was I again?

After staring at the screens for another 15 minutes, I fix a few incorrect formulas and the numbers line up. Finally! I quickly dash off an e-mail to Bob explaining what I've attached. I check my Inbox again… 34 unread messages. Shit, it just never ends.

I spend a few minutes deleting the "item for sale" public messages and putting out any fires. By the time I shut down my laptop and slip into my coat, it's 4:20. Not too bad for me…

I head out to the parking garage and press the Unlock button on my key fob. I wearily slip into the driver's seat, buckle my seat belt and turn the key. God, I have such a headache.

I fiddle with the radio as I drive, finally settling on one of the satellite channels so I don't have to listen to those damn commercials that seem to come on every time I'm driving. After a few minutes, the '80s music channel starts playing "Drive" by the Cars. I don't remember the song from when it was a hit, but I do remember seeing the video for this song somewhere when I was a kid. It always haunted me.

As I reach my destination and pull into the parking lot about 10 minutes later, I am filled with this intense feeling of… dread. That's the only way to describe it. My mind is still stuck on the images in the music video of the sad girl in the mental institution — in a strait jacket. That will be me if I don't get off this merry-go-round — I know it.

I can't go on like this, running myself ragged, getting barely five hours of sleep a night. I'd give anything for a vacation… well, not like my last vacation, when I took my laptop along and ended up spending two hours a night on e-mail.

I can't do it anymore. I just… can't.

I quickly make a U-turn out of the lot and drive aimlessly down the street. I see a McDonald's up ahead — you can always count on those golden arches — and quickly signal then turn into their entrance. I pull into a parking space and shut off the ignition.

Leaning my head back onto the headrest, I close my eyes. God, it feels good to do that. How the hell did I get here? This isn't the life I envisioned for myself. I'm not cut out for this. Maybe it's better for everyone if I just… leave. Run away.

_No. Don't run away — you are not a quitter. You can't do this, Bella. Think of—_

I _have_ to do this. I have to. For my own sanity.

I turn the key and shift out of Park, then slowly back out of my space and drive to the nearest exit. Once I am back on the main road, I drive a couple miles and turn off into my bank's parking lot.

Moving quickly now that I have a purpose, I walk into the bank and ask to speak with a manager. I explain to the tall, gray-haired man that I would like to close my account.

"I'll need two forms of identification, Ma'am," he says.

I pull my driver's license out of my purse and dig around on my keychain for the small silver key. "My birth certificate is in the safe deposit box," I reply, holding up the key.

"Very well."

Less than five minutes later, I show the manager my birth certificate and he produces some papers for me to sign.

"Could I take the balance in cash? I don't have any outstanding checks."

"Not all of it, I'm afraid. For your protection, we can only give you $5,000 now. Do you have a new account set up at another institution?"

"No, not yet," I respond.

"Well, when you find one, give us a call with the name and address of the bank, along with your new account number, and we'll wire you the money." He writes a number on my copies of the various papers. "This is your confirmation number; you'll need that when you call us back. Any questions?"

"No, I think that'll work," I smile.

"All right, let me get one of the tellers to get your cash."

I walk out of the bank feeling more free than I have in years. Almost giddy. I drive off, not sure of the best place to put part two of my plan into motion. And then I see a Best Buy sign up ahead in the distance — that could work. I pull into their parking lot and park at the far end of the row.

After shutting off the engine, I dig through my purse for a pen and something to write on. I scribble a note on an old ATM receipt, then leave it on the passenger seat along with my iPhone. I grab my purse and sunglasses, step out of the vehicle and lock the doors with the key fob.

Just across the street from Best Buy is a Ford dealership. I wait for the light and hurriedly cross the four lanes of traffic, wondering what time they close on Tuesdays. I sigh with relief when I make it to the door and see that this is one of the nights they're open late.

"Can I help you, Miss?" a particularly smarmy-looking salesman walks up to me and asks.

"Yes, I'd like to buy a car. Um, a used car," I stutter.

"Of course," he smiles. "And how much are you looking to spend?"

"Um, somewhere between $4,000 and $4,500, maybe?"

"Right this way."

Forty minutes later, I drive off the lot in a red 1998 Mustang with a sunroof. I've always wanted a sunroof…

When I spot the westbound entrance to the interstate, I take a deep breath and make the turn onto the ramp. This is it, Bella — no turning back now…

* * *

**A/N: **For those afraid of reading a WIP, please note that this fic is entirely pre-written. Regular postings will begin when I return from vacation on May 27.


	2. Last Mile of the Way

**Author's Note: **Thanks to all of you who chose to continue reading after the Prologue! And thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 1_

For the last 45 minutes or so, I have seen nothing but trees. Big, green trees. The biggest trees I've ever seen. It's beautiful, actually. I have the sunroof open, my ponytail is blowing in the wind, and the air just smells so clean. I've got the heat on full blast thanks to the cold February air, but it's worth it.

I feel like I've been driving for weeks, but in reality it's only been a few days. I know that I can't keep running forever — I need to figure out what my next move is.

All of the trees begin to blend together after a while, and my mind begins to wander. I think I remember my dad saying once that an adult had to be missing 24 hours before you can file a missing persons report. But even with the delay, surely the police have found my note, by now. And if they have my note, they shouldn't suspect foul play — that was my intention anyway.

Will anyone find out about the Mustang I bought? I had to sign the papers with my own name and show ID even though I was paying cash. If I really intend to stay on the run, I need to get settled and register my car soon before there's an APB out on the temporary tag.

I've been careful not to use credit cards for hotels or gas; even registered with a fake name every night at the Super 8 or Motel 6, whichever I could find cheap. Shit, maybe I should've gotten a cheaper car, as my cash is dwindling fast — even with eating the hotel continental breakfasts and then purchasing just one fast food meal per day.

I pass a small sign on the side of the road that says "The City of Forks Welcomes You" — finally a town again. Glancing down at the dash to check the gas gauge while I'm close to a gas station, I notice the engine temperature seems to be running quite high. Too high, in fact. And then I notice stream coming out of the hood. Shit, this isn't good.

Highway 101 runs right through the center of town. I spot a garage and quickly signal my turn, though the road seems pretty much deserted. The steam is really pouring out by the time I shut off the ignition.

I step out of my car and see a very large tan-skinned man with long black hair tied back in a ponytail, wearing overalls, walking towards me. "Need some help there, Miss?"

"Um, yeah, the engine temp seems to be running high," I reply.

"Can you pop the hood for me?"

"Ummm… I'm not really sure where the latch is — hold on." I dig around under the dash and finally find it.

Jacob, as the name sewn on his shirt states, pulls a towel out of his pocket and uses it to grab the hood as he opens it up. More steam billows out as Jacob wisely stands back out of the way.

He fiddles around in there for a couple minutes before stepping back and standing up. Shit, he must be 6'6". "Looks like it's your water pump."

"Oh. Is that bad?" I ask.

"Well, I need to fix it," he laughs.

"Ok."

"Have you had lunch?"

"What?" I ask, confused by the change in subject.

"I just figured you could grab a bite to eat while I work on your car. It'll be at least a couple of hours. There's a diner up the road, about a 5-minute walk."

I look at my watch and notice that it's nearly 12:30. I've been on the road for over four hours. "Um, sure, I am kinda hungry now that you mention it."

Jacob starts walking towards a door marked "Office" and calls, "Follow me," over his shoulder. Once we're inside, he hands me a clipboard with a piece of paper attached. "Fill this out, please."

I hand Jacob the completed form and my car keys then head off to find the diner. This town reminds me of something out of an old movie.

I reach the diner and it's like stepping back into the 1950s. I open the door and step inside. Yep, and it looks like it hasn't been painted since the '50s either. Still, the place is packed. I guess it is lunchtime, though it's Saturday. All of the tables and booths appear to be taken, so I take a seat at the long counter.

A plump red-haired waitress who looks to be in her mid-40's looks up from refilling a coffee pot and calls out, "Be with you in a sec." I nod my head in response.

"So anyway," I overhear the waitress saying to an older woman seated two spots down from me, "Word around town is that Ellen and Patrick Michaelson are getting a divorce. Their poor kids." I can't hear the woman's response, not that it's any of my business.

A minute later, she stops in front of me and hands me a menu. "Not seen you around here before," she remarks. Her nametag reads "Maggie."

"Um, no, I'm just passing through town."

"We don't get a lot of tourists here in the winter. Where you from?" she asks.

"Um, Phoenix," I reply.

"_Order up_!"

Maggie darts away to grab the hot plates and I quickly peruse the menu. When she stops back by, I order a veggie sandwich, fries and a Diet Pepsi. Maggie takes the ticket back to the kitchen and I take a moment to look around the restaurant.

A young family stands up from a booth and walks toward the door, waving at several people seated in other booths along the way. On their way out, they hold the door for an elderly couple walking in. Another, younger waitress calls out to the couple by name, pointing them towards the now-empty booth. Everyone in this town seems to know everyone else; I've never lived in a town so small before.

"So where ya headed?" Maggie's voice startles me from my inspection.

"Uh, I don't know really," I shrug, turning around in my seat.

"Lookin' for a new start?" she pries.

"Something like that," I say softly. I feel like anything I say to Maggie is going to be spread around town in ten minutes, tops.

"Well, Forks ain't a bad place to settle down, if you don't mind the rain. Not much goes on here, but that means it's quiet, kinda laidback. You gotta go up to Port Angeles to catch a movie or something like that, but it's all right."

"Hmmm… maybe. I ran into car trouble just as I crossed into the city limits; maybe that's fate trying to tell me something," I muse.

A few minutes later, Maggie sets my plate down and I dig in. I didn't know just how hungry I was. As I eat, I just have this feeling like I'm being watched. I turn around and see a couple at one of the tables glancing over at me. They quickly turn their heads when they realize I've spotted them.

As I finish up the last few fries and push my plate away, Maggie comes back over to bring me the check. "If you're serious about staying in Forks and need a place to live, I think Mrs. Cope's boarding house has a room or two available."

"A boarding house?" I ask skeptically.

"Yeah, old Mrs. Cope and her husband inherited a huge, old Victorian house about nine years ago and fixed it up, turned the upstairs into four large bedrooms, each with a sitting area and its own bathroom, or so I hear. She rents them out at a pretty competitive rate. She lost her husband a couple years back, but she's still running the place. Nice old lady," Maggie finishes.

"Um, well, I'll think about," I say, overwhelmed at all of the information. "Thanks for your help."

After I pay my bill, I head outside and walk through town a bit. Forks doesn't seem like a bad place. Maybe I will think about staying here.

It's close to 3pm when I return to the garage. A beautiful, young blonde woman is working under the hood of an SUV just inside the door. I stand and clear my throat. She looks up and smiles, "Can I help you?"

"Um, I was just checking on the Mustang?"

"Oh, sure, Jake just finished it up about five minutes ago. Come on," she says, as she leads me to the office.

"Here you go," she says, handing me a clipboard. "I'm Rose, by the way."

I glance at the paperwork. Shit — $245. That's more than the cash I've got left. I guess that settles it — I'll be staying in Forks. "Do you think maybe I could pay you in a couple days? I'm trying to avoid credit cards and I don't have that much cash."

"A couple days?" Rose asks.

"Um, yeah — I need to stop by the bank on Monday and open an account to get access to the rest of my money."

"I'm sorry. I could probably let you do that if you were from around here, but… I could really get in trouble if you skip out without paying."

"Oh." Shit, what the hell am I going to do? I haven't had money issues since my college days. "I understand — I wouldn't want you to be fired because of me."

_Don't cry, Bella…_

"So you're planning to stay in Forks?"

"Um, yeah, I think so — well, I know so, now." I frown.

"Look," Rose begins, "I can't let you take the car without paying for the repairs, but we can keep it here until you come up with the money."

"All right — I guess I have no choice. Maggie at the diner told me about a boarding house? Is it close by, within walking distance?"

"Oh sure, Mrs. Cope's — my friend Alice lives there. Pretty sure there are a couple rooms open. And pretty much everything in Forks is within walking distance," Rose adds with a laugh.

"Great… could you give me directions, maybe?"

"I'll do you one better and draw you a map," Rose winks.

"Thank you so much, Rose. I really appreciate it," I say, taking the sheet of paper where Rose has hastily scribbled a map to the boarding house.

"Think you can follow that?"

"Yep — it doesn't look too hard," I say, glancing at the map.

"It's not, and the house is the largest one on the street — can't miss it. It's maybe a 20-minute walk from here. Do you need anything from your car?"

"Um, yeah, my bag is in the trunk," I reply.

"Come on then, let me show you where your car is parked. Nice car, by the way."

We walk across the lot to my car and Rose hits the trunk release button on the key fob.

"Say hi to Alice for me, all right?" she says as I grab my small bag of clothes that I purchased at a Walmart along my journey.

"I will, thanks."

I follow Rose's map to the intersection she's marked and turn left. I continue a few blocks until I see a large, white Victorian-style house. This must be it.

I head up to the huge wraparound porch, ringing the doorbell. As I wait, I turn around and look out at the neighborhood. It's really nice up here; I could be happy here.

And no one would ever think to look for me here.

"Hello?" a voice calls out behind me.

I turn and face a white-haired, heavy-set woman. She reminds me of my Grandma Swan, with her short, tightly permed hair. "Hi, my name is Bella. Um, Bella Swan. I'm new in town and looking for a place to stay. I was told you might have a room available?"

"I have two rooms. Who have you spoken to?" Mrs. Cope asks. "I don't normally rent rooms to people I don't know… can't be too careful these days."

"Um, a waitress at the diner, and a woman at the garage who said her friend Alice lives here?"

"Ah yes, Rosalie. I see her here a lot with Alice. Great girl. Well, if she sent you, I'll show you around.

"Bella is such a lovely name," Mrs. Cope says as she walks through a large, open foyer. "Is it short for anything?"

"Yes, it's short for Isabella," I say as I set my bag on the floor. "Wow, this place is gorgeous. I love old houses like this; they've got so much more character than new homes."

"I love them, too," she smiles as she continues walking. "This here's the living room, obviously. Anyone is free to hang out here." I look around the very large room. A fireplace with a flat-screen TV above it anchors the room. There is a large sectional sofa in a muted brown and a baby grand piano tucked away in a corner.

She continues, "To the right is the kitchen and eating area. All residents share space in the fridge and can use the kitchen as they see fit. The stairs to the basement are off the kitchen. And my private area is through that door to the left," she says, pointing the opposite direction from the kitchen.

As I peek into the kitchen, Mrs. Cope's voice startles me. "You look so much like my daughter, Gina, from when she was your age."

"Do I?" I smile. "Does she live around here?"

"No, she's living over on the East Coast, near Virginia Beach. She moved there with her husband after he joined the military, after 9-11."

"So far away… you must miss her."

"I do; I don't get to see her nearly enough. I have a son as well, who lives up in Port Angeles. He's a contractor, as was my late husband — did all the work fixing up the place themselves. Anyway, back to the tour — upstairs is the bedrooms… no guests upstairs," she says sternly, looking me in the eye.

"Um, that won't be a problem," I respond, blushing. "May I see the bedrooms?"

"Of course. Follow me," she replies.

I follow Mrs. Cope up the grand staircase, marveling at the detail that went into restoring this place.

"We redid the upstairs from six bedrooms down to four, so they're all quite large. Each has its own bathroom, all except one with the original fixtures. The open rooms are both to the right of the stairs. This one here," she says, pointing to a door just off the stairs, "Is a bit smaller than the one across the hall."

She opens the door to the larger room and steps inside. I follow and look around at the spacious room. There is a cream-colored loveseat on one side of the room, next to a small desk. The bed is covered in what looks like a satiny pale green duvet. "The closet is along this wall," she says, "And the bathroom is through the door."

I peek through the doorway into a large bathroom, highlighted by a huge clawfoot tub against one wall. The floor is covered in black and white tiles and the walls are painted a lovely shade of green on the top half, with white beadboard along the bottom half. Another wall has a separate glass shower enclosure and white pedestal sink.

"Oh my gosh, this is so beautiful, Mrs. Cope. I've always wanted a clawfoot tub."

"Thank you, dear. This bathroom always was my favorite of the four. So what do you think? Would you like the room? It's $425 per month."

"That seems reasonable," I reply. "If you need rent in advance, can I pay you this week after I get my bank account set up? I only have about $60 in cash."

"This week will be fine, dear. Where are you from?"

"I'm originally from Phoenix," I reply.

"Phoenix? Well, you are a long way from home, aren't you."

"Yes… yes, I am."

* * *

**A/N: **I am back from vacation now, so postings should be very regular, around two per week.


	3. Catch My Breath

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. Time to meet Bella's new housemates...

* * *

_Chapter 2_

After talking with Mrs. Cope a little while longer and then retrieving my bag from where I left it in the foyer, I head down to the basement and start a load of laundry going in the washer before walking back up the stairs to the main level. I'm going to miss my main floor laundry room and new front-loading washer.

Before I can make it to the staircase to head up to my bedroom, I nearly run into a very small woman with short, black spiky hair and piercing blue eyes. She's quite attractive, and her clothing appears to be the latest style, like she belongs on a runway in New York or something, not in a rainy town in the Pacific Northwest.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Oh that's ok," she says, waving her hand. "Are you living here?"

"Um, yes, I just moved in. I'm Bella," I say shyly. "And you must be Alice?"

"Yep," she laughs. "How'd you know?"

"Oh, um, I ran into Rose at the garage and she said to tell you hi."

"At the garage? I hope nothing's wrong with your car."

"Well, Jacob replaced the water pump, but… I'm pretty much broke until I can get a new bank account set up, so I had to leave my car."

"Oh, wow, that sucks. I'd help you, but… I'm usually pretty close to broke myself."

"That's fine, I would never expect you to help a stranger. Um, so how long have you lived here at Mrs. Cope's?"

"Hmm… about six months now. Can you cook?" Alice asks.

"Cook?"

"Yeah, I burn everything I try to cook. I can't even boil water. Sometimes I can talk Mrs. Cope into cooking something, but usually it's frozen dinners or meals out. So can you cook?"

"I can cook pretty well, but… well, I don't really enjoy it."

"Oh." Alice looks like someone kicked her puppy.

"I could make something once a week, maybe," I add quickly. "Something where we'll have leftovers."

"That would be great," Alice smiles. "So where are you from? Come on, let's sit down and get to know each other. I can just tell we're going to be great friends."

I tentatively smile back as I follow Alice into the living room and sit on the large sectional. I probably shouldn't get too close with anyone in town since I really don't intend to stay that long, but it would be so nice to have a girlfriend.

"I'm originally from Phoenix," I finally answer, stretching my legs.

"Phoenix?" Alice laughs. "You sure are pale for someone from Phoenix."

"Well, it is winter there, too. But I've never been able to tan."

"You'll fit in well here then," Alice says. "What brings you to rainy Forks, of all places? Quite a change."

"Yeah, um, I was just driving the coast without any real destination and had car trouble right after I crossed into Forks. I'm stuck here until I can pay for my car repairs, but maybe it's fate, you know?"

"You must've wanted a change," Alice muses.

"Yeah, definitely. I was mostly just tired of the heat in Phoenix," I lie.

"I don't blame you."

"Now I just need to work on finding a job. What do you do for a living, Alice?"

"I run a clothing consignment shop here in town. I bought it about a year ago now, from a lady who was retiring. My parents loaned me the money to get started."

"Oh, I might have to check it out one day. I, um, really didn't bring a lot with me," I add, embarrassed at the thought of Alice knowing exactly how few clothes I have.

"Well, I imagine your clothes from Phoenix wouldn't be very appropriate for Forks, anyway. We're closed Sundays, but you can stop by sometime this week. I'm sure we have lots of pieces in your size."

"That sounds great, I'll definitely stop by after I get my financial situation taken care of," I say. "Did you grow up in Forks?"

"Yeah, I did. Rose and I were best friends growing up. We haven't been as tight the last few years, though. She was dating a guy from around here, so she stayed in Forks and started working at the garage after high school, while I went to school in New York City, studying fashion design."

"Oh, wow, so what brought you back to Forks?"

"Well, after I graduated, I was just starting on designing my own line when my parents called to tell me that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer."

"Oh no, is she ok?" I ask.

"Yeah, she's fine now after surgery and chemo. I moved back to Forks right away to support her, of course. I lived at home for about a year, designing a few pieces in my spare time. But once she was declared cancer free, I moved out. I still want to have my own fashion line one day, but for now, I'll work on it from here. I sell some things on Etsy, and a boutique in Port Angeles has been selling some of my stuff. I get such a thrill when they call me to tell me they've sold something," she says, smiling.

"You don't want to go back to New York now that your mom is doing better?"

"Well, my mom's health scare made me realize that life is short. I want to spend as much time with my parents as I can. They were older when they had me, so they're in their early 60's now."

"I'm really glad your mom's doing better," I reply, thinking of my own parents.

"Yeah, me too… so are you hungry? I know it's a little early, but I skipped lunch. If you don't want to cook, we could get a bite to eat at the deli, maybe? It's only about a 5-minute walk up the street. I eat there a lot, instead of imposing on my parents every night," Alice adds, shaking her head.

"Um, sure, I can go as soon as I check on my clothes downstairs."

The rinse cycle is almost finished, so I wait a couple minutes then move my wet clothes over to the dryer and return to Alice. As we walk to the deli, I marvel at how many stars are visible here in Forks, even with the light cloud cover. I try to take it all in as Alice chatters away to me about the town and where everything is located, but it's a little bit overwhelming. I've never met anyone quite like Alice before.

Sure enough, just around the corner on the main road is a small deli. We walk in and order then take a seat at one of the half dozen tables while we wait for our sandwiches.

"So what did you do back in Phoenix?" Alice asks.

"Ummm…" Damn it, why didn't I have a full story already figured out?

"I worked in an office," I finally reply, hoping that satisfies her curiosity.

"Ugh." Alice scrunches her nose. "Like staring at a computer all day?"

"Definitely a lot of that."

"What is your degree in?"

"Um, I don't have one," I lie.

"Oh, so you were like, an assistant or something?"

"Yeah, an assistant," I agree.

"Did you have a boyfriend?"

I almost spit out the sip of water I just took. The server picks that moment to set our plates down.

"Thank you," I say quietly, picking up the sandwich — which does look amazingly good.

"Sorry," Alice laughs once the server walks away. "Didn't mean to get personal… it's ok if you don't want to share. I don't. Have a boyfriend, that is. Not a lot of single guys in this town. Well, unless you count Edward."

"Edward?" I ask.

"Oh… yeah, he lives at Mrs. Cope's, too."

"Ah, she had mentioned two current tenants, but didn't tell me his name."

I take another bite. Damn, Alice was right — my club sandwich is delicious.

"Yeah, Edward has lived there just a little bit longer than I have. I need to warn you about him — he's kind of an asshole. Well, he's really a sweet guy underneath, but he acts like a grumpy asshole most of the time. Just ignore him," Alice suggests.

"Oh-kay?"

"Sorry, I don't really know his whole story; he doesn't talk about it. But Edward grew up here, too, at least from the time he was in like, middle school or something. We went to high school together. Well, not together-together, since he was two years ahead of me and Rose. He went off to Seattle for college at U-Dub. All I know is he came back to Forks about eight months ago, and he's just been kinda… off, you know? I think my mom knows something, but she hates gossip so I haven't asked her."

"I see," I reply, not really understanding. "Do his parents still live in Forks?"

"Yeah, they do. Edward's dad is Chief of Surgery at Forks Community Hospital. His mom has her own interior design business. They're pretty well off, huge home in the middle of the forest outside of town, Dad drives a Mercedes… you get the picture."

"And Edward lives at a boarding house?" I ask, confused.

"Yep… I don't understand it either, except that he won't take a penny from them — gotta be independent," she says, rolling her eyes. "He went to college to study music and gives private lessons. You should hear him play that piano at Mrs. Cope's — he's really, really good. Oh and he plays guitar, too," she adds. "He does a gig or two with a band in Port Angeles every month."

"I look forward to hearing him play. I love music," I reply.

"Do you play piano, too?"

"Not well." I shake my head. "I took a few lessons when I was a kid — my parents insisted — but it really wasn't my thing. But I played clarinet in the high school band."

"Cool," Alice smiles. "I'm really glad you moved here, Bella. It's nice to have another female in the house again. There was another woman, Bree, who lived in your room for a while, but ugh, she was such a bitch. I was so glad when she moved to Port Angeles."

We finish up our sandwiches and head back to the boarding house, walking quickly in the light rain. The longer I stay in Forks, the better I feel about my decision to remain here. I think the peace and quiet is just what I need right now.

As we near the boarding house, Alice points to an older Volvo parked in the street. "Hang tight, Bella, you're about to meet Edward. That's his car."

"Um, cool?" I say, nervously.

Alice laughs. "I told you, he's a sweetie at heart — or at least I remember that from high school — so don't let him intimidate you."

I take a deep breath as we walk inside. Both Mrs. Cope and Alice seem great, but I hope my other housemate works out just as well.

"Edward?" Alice calls out as we head into the house.

I hear the beep of the microwave and seconds later, a tall, lean young man with incredibly messy hair walks out of the kitchen holding a plate. His hair is the oddest color I've ever seen — reddish-brown, but not really. And he's gorgeous; drop-dead gorgeous. I'm sure I'm staring at him.

"Yeah," he grunts, barely looking up from the plate in his hands.

"This is the new tenant, Bella," Alice says.

Silence.

"The polite thing to do is to say hi," Alice snarks.

"Hi," he says, looking right at me.

"Um, hi," I return, blushing under his stare. He has the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen.

Without another word, Edward turns his head away, quickly crosses the room and begins climbing the stairs. Once he's out of sight, Alice sighs. "Well, that was Edward."

Alice declares she's going to watch TV for a while, so I head down to the basement to get my laundry out of the dryer.

"Oh my God," Alice calls out from her place in front of the TV as I walk back through the living room, "Is that seriously all your clothes?"

"Um, yeah."

"Well, you are definitely going to have to come by my shop."

I smile and nod, then walk upstairs to put my few articles of clothing away in my new room. It's still early but I'm exhausted from the days of driving. I decide to relax with a long bath in my clawfoot tub and then get some much needed sleep.

Undressing quickly and stepping into the hot water, I lie back in the huge tub and close my eyes. The antique tub is so… low tech compared to my modern whirlpool tub with 10 powerful jets — not that I ever got the chance to enjoy it often. As I lie there, I can't keep my mind from wandering to everything — and everyone — that I left behind. I miss home — I've never been away this long before — but I so rarely have the chance to catch my breath.

When the water starts to become too cool to be comfortable and I start to resemble a prune, I stand up and quickly towel dry before yanking my t-shirt, still warm from the dryer, over my head. I am asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

* * *

**A/N: **My Edward is this pic (remove spaces): cdn . buzznet media / jjr / headlines / 2010 / 12 / robert - pattinson - why - not . jpg


	4. Lighthouse

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. A bit of a transitional chapter, as Bella gets settled in Forks.

* * *

_Chapter 3_

When I wake up on Sunday morning, the sun — which I've gathered is a rare sight here — is high in the sky. By the time I am showered and dressed, it's past noon.

"Good morning — well, afternoon," Alice calls from the kitchen as I make my way across the living room.

"Morning, Alice. Is that today's newspaper?" I ask, pointing to the folded-up paper sitting on the table.

"Yeah, did you want to see it?"

"Yeah, thanks," I say as I take a seat. "I need to find a job."

Flipping through the newspaper, I find the want ads and look through them for anything that catches my eye. All I know is that I don't want any job where I have to stare at a computer. As it is, I'll need reading glasses by the time I'm 35.

"Hey, Alice — what's The Lodge?"

"It's a steakhouse," she answers. "Nicest restaurant in town. Well, once you get past the deer heads on the walls."

"Hmm… they have a waitress position available."

"You ever waited tables before?"

"I have, yeah. At a Mexican restaurant back in high school."

"Cool," Alice smiles. "Do you need me to give you a ride over there? The Lodge is way on the south end of town, just past the Forks airport."

"That sounds great."

Once I finish a bowl of cereal, Alice and I head out to her car, a bright yellow VW Beetle, for the drive to The Lodge. The building appears pretty rustic from the outside. The inside is similar — lots of exposed beams and dark green walls… along with the aforementioned deer heads mounted on all of the walls. I shudder as I look at them. It feels like they're staring at me.

The pretty young hostess smiles at me. "Table for one? Oh — hey Alice, I didn't see you there. Table for two then?"

"Um, no, I actually came about the waitress position you advertised," I say. "Has it been filled already?"

"No, it's still available. Let me get the manager. Hang on a minute."

The hostess walks away with her long blonde ponytail swishing behind her, and I turn to Alice. "So you two know each other?"

"Yeah, Samantha and I went to high school together. Everyone in town pretty much knows everyone else, if you haven't noticed."

Samantha returns moments later with a distinguished-looking older man wearing a dark gray suit.

"Hello, I'm Peter Charlton, I'm the manager here. You want to apply for the waitress position?"

"Yes, that's right," I reply nervously. "I'm Bella."

"So, Bella, do you have any experience?"

"Yes, I do. It's been awhile, but I worked at a Mexican restaurant part-time back in high school. In Phoenix," I add.

"When could you start?"

"Um, right away? I'm new to Forks so I don't have a current job." _In Forks_, I add silently.

"Why don't you come by Wednesday after the lunch rush, and we'll take care of the paperwork and get you trained, have you shadow a couple shifts. The server you'll be replacing will be working her last shift on Thursday, so you can start Friday, sound good?"

"I can't start any sooner?" I ask, my face falling.

"I'm afraid all of our shifts for the week are scheduled already."

"All right. That sounds fine then, Mr. Charlton, thank you so much." I reach my hand out to shake his.

I walk out of the restaurant marveling at how easy it was to get the job — they must have really been desperate for a server. I just wish I could've started earning cash tips sooner than Friday.

"Yay, Bella, congratulations," Alice cries once we're outside. "Welcome to Forks."

Alice and I stop by the Thriftway to pick up a few items on our way back to the boarding house. I insist on pitching in at least a little bit since I'm going to be eating, too. After putting the groceries away, I chat with Mrs. Cope for an hour or so while Alice is visiting her parents. When she comes back, I agree to cook dinner for the two of us, deciding on a vegetarian lasagna, one of my specialties.

I'm just taking the lasagna out of the oven when Edward comes through the front door.

"Hey Edward, do you want to join us for dinner? Bella made vegetable lasagna, and it smells awesome."

I look up as Edward wrinkles his nose. "Sorry, I prefer things with meat," he says rudely before heading upstairs.

Alice just shrugs. Wow, she wasn't kidding about him being kind of an asshole.

* * *

On Monday morning, Alice drops me off at the bank on her way to open her shop. After getting my new account set up, I have to use a pay phone down the street — I didn't know any of those still existed — to call my old bank and give them the necessary information.

"So when will I be able to access my money?" I ask impatiently.

"_It should take about 48 hours to clear, Ma'am._"

Forty-eight more hours with $35.77 cents to my name? Great…

I wander around town for a little while, finally stopping at the library. Finding a book that I'd been meaning to read for ages, I sit and read it cover to cover.

When I walk out of the library at closing time, it's already dark out, and rain is coming down pretty hard. I pull my coat tighter around me, sigh and begin walking. Thirty minutes later, I am pulling out my key and shaking the water off like a dog. I take off my saturated coat and shoes as soon as I'm inside the door, not wanting to drip water everywhere.

As I make my way to the stairs, I see Edward sitting on the couch, watching what looks like the nightly news on TV. He looks up as I pass by. "What the hell happened to you?"

"It was raining," I say flatly.

"Inside your car?"

"No, I walked home. My car is still at the garage," I call over my shoulder as I make my way upstairs. Once I'm inside my room, I strip out of my sopping wet clothes and take a long, hot shower.

Re-dressed in dry clothes, I head back down to the kitchen and reheat some of last night's lasagna in the microwave. Edward is no longer watching TV in the living room, so I enjoy a quiet dinner at the table, alone, before settling in on the sectional and trying to find something to watch on TV.

* * *

It's cloudy when I wake up on Tuesday morning, but at least the rain is no longer coming down. Alice must have already left for work. After finishing a bowl of cereal, I decide to walk back to the library and spend the day there again. I don't remember the last time I had time to sit down and read a book.

As I walk toward the center of town, my mind begins to wander. It's been a week now since I left home. I can't imagine what everyone is thinking — or how everyone has been coping. Did my boss get the draft of the blue book to the printer on time? Who had to work all night to do my work as well as their own?

What kind of mess did I leave behind?

Are the police looking for me at all? Shit, with my dad's connections, is he able to trace me?

_No — you're just being paranoid, Bella._ I've been very careful, except for having to show my ID at the bank. But he'd have no reason to contact a bank in bumfuck Washington. What about when I fill out the paperwork at The Lodge tomorrow? What if they need a reference?

Just like yesterday, I spend my day in the library reading before heading home at closing time with a couple of books that I checked out with my new account. I stop by the deli to pick up a chef salad for dinner, trying to ignore the curious stares from the other patrons. Do I really look like that much of an outsider here?

All is quiet in the boarding house when I arrive home. I wonder vaguely when Alice will be home. I sit and eat my salad in the kitchen, then head up to my room and spend the rest of the night reading in bed. I could really, really get used to having this kind of time to myself. I'd forgotten what it was like.

* * *

I wake up excited on Wednesday morning — I can finally get my money! I make sure I'm downstairs early enough to catch Alice for a ride to the bank, since it's raining outside again.

Once the teller gives me the wonderful news that my full balance is now available, I take out $500 in cash for spending money. I'm told that I'll be mailed an ATM card within a couple days, but their headquarters will have to issue a special card that'll also function as a debit card, which could take up to two weeks.

Once I have my cash, I go straight to the garage to pay for the repairs to my car. As Rose leads me to my Mustang, I ask her where I need to go to register it and get license plates.

"Thanks so much for your help, Rose," I say as I slide into the driver's seat. Jacob obviously drove the car over to its parking place from where he worked on it, because I'm not even close to being able to reach the pedals. I turn the key and then adjust the power seat, waving to Rose as I drive away.

Rose said the license bureau is in Port Angeles, so I head north out of town on the 101. Once I reach the city, I stop and ask for directions when I fill up my tank at a gas station. Impatiently, I stand in a lengthy line once I find the bureau, cursing how long it's taking. It seems that everyone in front of me is taking an extra long time, thanks to having waited until past the end of the month to renew their plates.

I am feeling so relieved as it's finally my turn. After paying the fee, I head outside, kneeling on the cold, wet ground while I attach my new license plates to my car. If the police back home have found out that I bought the Mustang, they'll no longer be able to find me via the temporary tags. I've got at least a little time until the new registration enters the computer systems, I hope.

While I am in Port Angeles, I stop at a Virgin Mobile store and buy a cheap, pay-as-you-go cell phone, since I can't imagine not having a phone. I'll miss my iPhone though. After a few wrong turns, I find my way back to the 101.

Once I am back in Forks, I decide to take Alice up on her offer to stop by her shop and get a few more pieces of clothing to add to my meager wardrobe. Using the crude map she drew me earlier this morning, I manage to find her shop, located on the north end of town.

"Hey, Bella, I see you got your car back," Alice calls as I walk into the shop.

"I sure did," I smile. "Now I need your help."

"So what kind of clothes do you think you need?"

"Um, probably another pair of jeans, maybe some casual pants for work? Definitely a few more tops — sweaters, I guess. I always seem to be cold here with the damp air."

Twenty minutes later, I've got several much-needed additions to my wardrobe.

"Do you want to grab lunch?" Alice asks. "I usually just eat at the coffee shop across the street."

"Sure, that sounds great."

As we sit and eat our bowls of broccoli cheddar soup, Alice asks me about my plans for the rest of the day.

"I need to stop by The Lodge this afternoon and take care of the paperwork and stuff."

"Oh yeah, cool. I'm glad you found a job so quickly."

"Me too," I smile. "I guess I had pretty good timing. Though it's been pretty nice hanging out in the library all day.

"Hey — where were you last night, by the way? I didn't hear you come home until pretty late."

"Oh, yeah I had a date last night with this guy, Felix. Totally hot, he kind of looks like Johnny Depp, but all he could talk about was how the Mariners are doing in spring training. Like I care?"

I laugh. "I don't even know what sport the Mariners are. I'm not much of a fan of sports or any kind of athletics, either. When I was in second grade, I tried to walk across the top of the monkey bars on all fours and then do a front flip off the end. I couldn't hold on after I did the flip; my hands slipped and I landed on my elbow. I spent a week in the hospital with my right arm up in traction."

"Oh no, did you really?" Alice asks.

"Yes, really — that was the end of my athletic career."

Alice and I continue to swap getting-to-know-you stories for the rest of our lunch, until it's time for me to head to The Lodge. I really like Alice; she's so friendly, so energetic. I think briefly about confiding in her, but I'm afraid that she won't understand, and our budding friendship will be over before it even begins.

Nervously, I drive to The Lodge for my training. Please let this job work out for me. I'm actually looking forward to a job with set hours.

* * *

**A/N: **More coming up in a few days!


	5. Bad Girls

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. Finally stopped tinkering with it so I could post before the boycott.

* * *

_Chapter 4_

Now that I am working, the last week has passed quickly and today is Friday already. Once I started my job at The Lodge a week ago, I found waiting tables to be much more difficult than I remembered. Still, it's honest work and it keeps my mind from wandering. The customers, especially the men, seem to treat me as some kind of shiny new toy, always asking me where I'm from and cracking jokes about the pale girl from Phoenix. They tip well though.

Alice was so excited this morning when she learned that I have an early shift at The Lodge and will be home by 6pm — I guess the manager wants to give the more lucrative weekend shifts to his longtime waitresses. Rose already came over to join us for dinner one night earlier this week, but Alice is insisting on a girls' night out with the three of us in Port Angeles tonight. She wants to show me her favorite seafood restaurant down by the water and then go dancing. I tried repeatedly to tell her that I'm not much of a dancer, but she wouldn't listen.

I check my watch and see that I have only about five minutes left on my shift. I have to admit that even though I'm not excited about the dancing, I _am_ kind of excited about a girls' night out. I didn't really have a lot of girlfriends back home, except for my college roommate, Jessica.

It's been so long since I've just been able to go out and just enjoy myself, without worrying about all of my obligations. I was always so busy that eventually all of my other friends and co-workers stopped asking me to go out with them, since I always turned down their invitations.

After I clock out and drive home, Alice greets me in the living room with a frown on her face.

"What's wrong, Alice?"

"Rose can't make it tonight. She's got a date with Emmett… it's the 5-month anniversary of their first date or something like that. I swear, they celebrate every possible anniversary," she adds, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, so girls' night is cancelled?"

"Not if you don't want it to be… it can be just the two of us?"

"That sounds great. Are you ready to go?" I ask.

"Well, I am, but you most definitely are not. Seriously, you are _not_ wearing that."

"What's wrong with my outfit?" I frown, looking down at my black casual pants and green sweater.

"We're going to a bar; you look like you belong in an office. Go put on those jeans you got at my shop and I'll go through my closet to see if I have a top you can wear."

"What about that red sweater I got at your shop?"

"Better, but no… We definitely need to go shopping one afternoon. You're off on Sunday again, right?"

"Yeah," I reply.

"Perfect — we'll hit a couple of the boutiques in Port Angeles. Now go upstairs and get your jeans on. I'll knock when I find something for you to wear. Oh, and find some heels!"

Fifteen minutes later, we head out the front door and lock up. Alice's silver sparkly sweater is a little itchy — and a little tight — but she insists that I look great and won't stick out like a sore thumb at the bar.

"Ooh, can we take your car?" Alice asks. "I love sporty cars… I really wanted a Porsche 911 but I couldn't afford one, so I had to settle for the Beetle."

"Sure," I respond.

On the drive up to Port Angeles, Alice changes the radio constantly, looking for the perfect song, she says. She seems to have the attention span of a gnat. I have to admit that I kinda miss my XM Radio from back home.

Once we reach the city limits, Alice directs me to a very touristy area near the waterfront and to a seafood restaurant located in some place called The Landing Mall. I park the car in a lot across the street from the restaurant and Alice and I head inside.

"Table for two?" the hostess asks.

Alice nods and we're led to a booth near the back of the room.

"Your server will be right with you," the hostess says, placing our menus on the tables. Alice and I sit and begin looking over the menu.

"So what's good here?" I ask.

"I like the grilled salmon… this area is known for its salmon."

"Sounds good to me," I agree.

Our waiter comes by shortly thereafter, and both Alice and I order the grilled salmon and a Caesar salad.

"So how are you liking Forks so far?"

"I like it a lot, actually. It's a much smaller town than I've ever lived in, but I like the quiet. It feels good to be able to just slow down and relax."

"I used to think Forks was just sooo slow," Alice says. "I couldn't wait to get out. I really did enjoy some aspects of New York City, but riding in a cab just made me nuts, and I hated the subway, and being packed in with all those people… I was kind of glad to come home when I got my dad's call.

"But now… I don't know. I feel bad that Rose and I aren't as close as we once were. We're just such different people, you know? I hope you don't think I come on too strong… it's just, you don't seem like you really fit in either, like neither of us is meant to be in a small town."

"Well," I say carefully, "I've always been more of a big city person, sure. But I really, really needed a change of scenery."

"So tell me about Phoenix," Alice prompts.

"Phoenix is… hot. And dry, and brown. The exact opposite of Forks. I can't believe how green it is up here."

"Yeah, the Pacific Northwest truly is beautiful. I'm glad you're liking it. We don't have many outsiders who move to a place like this, but I'm really happy you moved here."

"Thanks, Alice," I say, smiling shyly.

"Oh, and I'm sorry about Edward," Alice adds. "I know he's been a dick to you, and I have no idea why. I wish I knew what his deal was."

"It's fine," I say, dismissing her concern. I'm admittedly curious as to what's up with him, but he's not really my priority. Last Sunday, I made chicken enchiladas, trying to be friendly and include Edward by cooking something with meat, but he still wasn't interested in joining us. Whatever.

The waiter brings our salads out then, effectively ending much of the conversation. Just as we finish our salads, he comes back with the salmon, which looks delicious. I'm pleased to find that it tastes as good as it looks; I can't remember the last time I had such fresh seafood like that.

After dinner, Alice leads me to a very loud bar and nightclub filled with twenty-somethings. Since I'm driving, I just order my usual Cosmopolitan and plan to nurse it all night long. As long as I've got a drink in my hand, Alice won't make me dance, right?

Wrong. Alice drags me onto the dance floor, drink in hand. The music seems to vary between Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, but at least it's songs I somewhat recognize.

"I'm gonna go get another drink, you want one?" Alice asks breathlessly.

"No, I'm driving, but you go ahead."

She comes back a few minutes later with a lemon drop shot and a huge margarita. On her next trip, she brings me another Cosmo without asking, since mine is finally empty. Growing up without a lot of money, I was never one for letting things go to waste, so I begin drinking it.

While Alice goes to the ladies room, I take a seat at the bar and dig around in my purse for my wallet, so I can pay Alice back for the drink she bought for me. I see something fall out of my wallet and flutter to the floor, then quickly reach down and pick it up. I stare at the keepsake, tears coming to my eyes.

What have I done to the people I left behind?

Earlier this week, my mind was miles away from Forks, thinking of what I was missing out on. I still feel horrible about it, days later, but I know with every fiber of my being that leaving the way I did was absolutely necessary for my own well-being. I almost called home, but then I realized that I wasn't ready yet to let anyone know where I am. I'd like to live this fantasy for a little while longer.

God, alcohol always makes me sentimental.

"Is that your friend over there looking for you?" the bartender asks, causing me to nearly fall off my stool. I quickly tuck the memento back into my wallet before Alice can see it and turn around to face the direction he was pointing. Spotting Alice on the edge of the dance floor, I wave her over and hand her the cash I owe before we head back out to dance again.

By midnight, I'm on my third drink, though I really only feel buzzed. Alice is on at least her fifth, so she's in worse shape than I am.

"Bella!" she cries, giggling. "I'm gonna call Rose and tell her how much fun she's missing out on. Just because Emmett is a stallion in the sack…"

"Alice!" I interrupt. "God, I don't want to know what Rose's boyfriend is like in bed."

She hiccups and pulls out her cell phone, then begins pressing some buttons before bringing the phone up to her ear.

"Edward? What're you doing answering Rosalie's phone?" Alice asks, with a very drunken confused look on her face.

"Your phone?" she laughs. "Oh, I guess I hit the wrong name in my Contacts. Oopsie.… Yes, I know that Edward and Rose shouldn't be close to each other in the list, but you're under 'roomie,' not Edward. Duh!"

I roll my eyes at Alice. She really is pretty wasted. I guess she's can't hold her liquor, being so tiny, since she hasn't had _that_ much more than me to drink.

"I'm in Port Angeles… No, not alone, silly, I'm with Bella — you know, our other housemate that you've barely spoken ten words to in the last two weeks?

"No, we're at Twilight… What? Yeah, all right… Jesus, I promise, Edward."

Alice hits the End button on her phone and shoves it roughly back in her purse.

"What's going on?"

"Edward. He says he's coming here, so don't go anywhere."

"He's joining us?"

"I know, right? Crashing our girls' night out! So you want another drink?"

I shake my head and Alice wanders off back to the bar. She comes back a few minutes later with another margarita.

"Oh my God, Bella, check out that guy up by the bar. The one in the black shirt? H-O-T!"

I try to look without being too obvious about it. "Eh, he's ok."

Alice looks at me like I'm insane. "Just ok? He is drop dead gorgeous."

"Maybe," I shrug, "If you like them tall, dark and handsome."

"Who doesn't?"

I shyly raise my hand. "I've always preferred guys who look, I don't know — All-American? Lighter hair and eyes."

"Guys like Edward?" Alice asks with a smirk.

"What? N—no, I really hadn't paid attention to him."

"Well, come on, we have an hour to kill until the man gets here, let's dance again," Alice says as she tugs on my hand.

It is just about an hour later when I look up and see Edward standing near the door, looking out over the crowd, apparently trying to find us. I wave to him, but he doesn't see me.

"Alice, Edward is here," I shout in her ear.

"Oh, let's go grab him so he can dance with us," she says, heading off the dance floor. I follow submissively behind her.

"Hey Edward, let's dance," she cries drunkenly when we reach him.

Instead he roughly grabs her by the arm and drags her out the front door of the bar.

"What the hell, Edward?" I say, following them out.

"No, what the hell, _you_," he practically shouts at us. "How exactly were you two planning to get back to Forks tonight after you've been drinking?"

"I'm not drunk," I insist. "I only had three drinks spread over more than four hours."

"You may not be legally drunk, but your driving skills are still impaired. Trust me — I know this."

"I think I can judge whether or not I'm ok to drive, Edward."

"I thought that once, too. Until I killed someone."

I stand there in shock, staring at him.

"Get in the car, we're going home," he directs, pointing towards his Volvo parked about halfway down the block.

Even Alice is speechless as we follow Edward to his car. Alice climbs in the backseat and promptly falls asleep. Edward and I ride in silence all the way to Forks. What do you say to someone after an admission like that?

* * *

**A/N: **So, a few answers in this chapter... probably not the ones everyone wants though.


	6. Turn Around

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 5_

When I make it downstairs on Saturday morning, Alice is sitting at the kitchen table, with her forehead on the wooden table, moaning.

"Good morning, Alice," I sing-song.

"Ugh."

"Something wrong?" I can barely contain my smirk.

"I am never drinking again…"

Alice continues to moan while I mix up batter for pancakes. Just as the first couple come off the griddle, Edward appears.

"Good morning," I say quietly. "Would you like some pancakes?"

"Sure," he grunts, sitting down and grabbing a plate.

Breakfast is silent, except for Alice's moans between bites. After two pancakes, she pushes her plate away and stands.

"Thanks, Bella. Your pancakes are great, but that's all I can manage. I'm going back to bed. God, do I really have to open the store in a couple hours?"

"All right," I chuckle. "I hope you feel better."

I look over at Edward, who is still munching away on his fifth and sixth pancakes. Once Edward parked his Volvo at the boarding house last night, he helped me get Alice out of the car, into the house, up the stairs and into bed. With the way he'd acted over my first two weeks in Forks, I wouldn't have expected him to help. Perhaps there's a human being in there after all.

Still, he's been sitting at the table eating my cooking — finally — for the last 15 minutes and has hardly uttered a word. _Well, Bella, it's now or never…_

"Um, Edward?" I ask nervously.

"Yeah?"

"Um, since Alice went back to bed, do you think maybe you could drive me to Port Angeles to pick up my car? I can't wait for her, or I won't be back in time for my shift."

"Yeah, sure," he replies, not even looking at me.

"Really?" I can't believe it was that easy.

"Sure… I was gonna head up there anyway to go to a music store. You can ride along."

Oh. Figures he wouldn't go out of his way for me.

About 20 minutes later, I hop into Edward's car and we're off to Port Angeles. Now that I'm more awake than last night, I notice that he seems to drive very carefully, just below the speed limit. I'm afraid to talk to him, afraid to distract him. We're about 15 minutes into the drive when he finally initiates conversation.

"So Alice says you're from Phoenix?"

"Um, yeah."

"How'd you end up in Forks? No one ever moves to Forks."

"Well, I was just driving on the 101 and the water pump blew in my car when I crossed the city limits. It seemed like fate to stay, you know? I didn't really know where I was heading, just away…"

"Yeah," he replies, almost sounding like he gets me.

Another 15 minutes of silence pass before I bite the bullet and just ask the question that's been on my mind since last night.

"Um, so, would you mind telling me more about, you know, what you said last night… the dangers of drinking and driving." I can't even bring myself to say the words.

Edward sighs and I see his hands tighten on the steering wheel. Then he shrugs.

"Not much to tell. Beginning of my junior year at U-Dub, I went to the bar with some buddies. I was only 20 but one of the guys knew the bouncer so they let me in. All of us had had a lot to drink, but they all thought I was the least drunk. I thought I was fine to drive.

"On the way back to our dorms, it was raining and I swerved over the center line and hit another car, head-on. I had bruises and a couple broken ribs. My passengers were all pretty banged up but not badly hurt. We were all wearing our seat belts and the airbags went off. The driver of the car I hit wasn't wearing his seat belt, and he died."

"That—that's terrible, Edward. I'm so sorry that happened to you," I say sincerely.

When Edward doesn't volunteer any more information, I decide not to ask him anything more, though I'm terribly curious as to what happened to him. I mean, someone _died_, so surely there were some sort of repercussions, right? Even for a first offense? At the very least, he probably got his driver's license suspended.

"We're almost there," he says, startling me from my thoughts. "Where's your car?"

"Over by The Landing. We ate at the seafood place there."

Edward nods, and a few turns later, he stops in front of the restaurant.

"Thanks for the ride," I say as I open the car door. "And thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me."

Edward just nods in response and drives away as soon as I close the door. His asshole-ish behavior makes a little more sense to me now.

I find my car and make the hour-long trip back to Forks, still thinking about what Edward told me. I barely have time to change clothes back at the boarding house before heading to The Lodge to work a full shift.

* * *

On Sunday morning, Alice and I walk up the street — in the rain, no less — to the deli to get a couple cinnamon rolls that Alice describes as "to die for." Let's just say she wasn't kidding.

I am off work today and Alice's shop is closed on Sundays, so we head back to Port Angeles, in the Beetle this time, to visit a few of her favorite clothing boutiques. While I am not fond of shopping, I really do need the trip, as my extremely limited wardrobe is starting to get awfully annoying. I don't even have a full week's worth of underwear, for God's sake.

Alice gasps when I tell her this, so we stop at a lingerie shop first. Alice picks out some lacy little thong panties for me, but seriously, who's going to see them? She insists that if a woman knows something pretty is underneath her clothes, it will help her self-esteem. I roll my eyes, but finally agree to one pair of those, just to shut her up, along with a few more sensible-looking (and more sensibly priced) bikinis and a matching bra.

I've been wearing just a cheap Walmart t-shirt to bed, so I also choose one pair of warm pajamas and another pair of PJs with short pants "for the short summer we have here."

I startle at Alice's throwaway comment — will I still be here in summer? Will anyone find me here by then? It's been two and a half weeks since I left, two weeks since I got to Forks. I miss my family terribly, but I've got to get my head straight before I even think of going back. If I walked back into my old life right now, it would be just a matter of time until I'd be on the brink once again.

As I pay for my purchases, I realize that I'll have to stop at the ATM that I saw across the street earlier to get more cash for the rest of this shopping trip. I'll be glad when I get my debit card. I can tell that Alice is a bit curious as to why I'm paying with cash and not a credit card, but she doesn't question me. Thank God, because I don't have a story worked out to explain myself.

Oh my God, the bank! My old bank back home has the address of the new one — what if someone there squeals on me? Would they do that? _Could_ they do that? I should go to the library and Google it, see about privacy rights.

After I withdraw some money, I try to shake off my paranoia — there's nothing I can do about that right now. Alice and I then walk up the street to one of her favorite clothing boutiques. She insists that if I am going to be seen out with her, I need to have "appropriate club wear."

"Oh Bella, this dress would be gorgeous on you," Alice says, holding up a royal blue, strapless mini-dress with a faux-wrap waist.

"Strapless, Alice? I don't think so."

"What's wrong with strapless?"

"Um, my boobs aren't exactly perky, in case you didn't notice. I can't go braless."

"So wear a strapless bra."

I wrinkle my nose, and finally Alice shrugs, puts the dress back and returns to searching the rack.

"How about this one?" she asks, holding up a very short, beaded slip dress with spaghetti straps. "It's got a built-in bra." I don't even know what color to call the dress, honestly — maybe bronze? It kind of reminds me of the color of Edward's hair. _Where did that come from, Bella?_

It's gorgeous, but it's not me, so I shake my head. "That dress would show every little bump on my body."

"What bumps? You're what, a size 8? You're thin, Bella."

"Not thin enough for that dress. My stomach is too poofy."

"Well, I think you're crazy, but I'll keep searching."

I look around and pull out a couple of dresses for Alice's perusal, but she just raises her eyebrow. I guess that means no. I feel so out of touch with what's in these days, like I've been living under a rock.

"A-ha, I got it!" Alice exclaims. "This dress is perfect for you."

I roll my eyes, sure that this dress will be as inappropriate for my body type as the last two, but I am pleasantly surprised.

It's black with a dropped waist to hide my stomach, with elbow-length sleeves that are slit from the shoulder down to the elbows, and cool rhinestone detailing.

It'd be perfect if it were six inches longer.

"So," Alice says, "What do you think, Bella?"

"It's… so short."

"Oh come on, try it on. Let me see you in it. What can it hurt? Please?" Alice pouts.

I reluctantly nod, and Alice hands me the black dress in my size. I take it into the fitting room, undress and slip it on.

"Come on, Bella, let me see," Alice calls from outside.

I open the door and Alice immediately begins clapping and jumping up and down. "Oh my gosh, it's perfect! Your legs look great — don't you dare be ashamed of them."

I step out and look at myself in the large mirror. I do look pretty good… sexy but understated. All of my least attractive body parts are well-camouflaged. I can't remember the last time I felt so much like a woman.

"Tell me you're buying that, or I'm going to have to kill you."

I laugh as I twist around, trying to see the back of the dress. "Ok, you win, Alice — I'll buy the dress."

"Yay! Now you and I will be the two hottest chicks on the dance floor the next time we go out," Alice says with a smile.

"Whatever happened to, 'I'm never drinking again'?"

"It's a girl's prerogative to change her mind, don't ya know," Alice says, bumping my hip with hers as we look into the mirror.

At the next store, Alice talks me into a pair of designer jeans — I really do need more jeans — and a couple of cute long-sleeved tops. They just look so young compared to what I've been wearing, but Alice insists that I no longer have an office job and I can pull them off.

"God, Bella, you dress like you're in your 30's," she says, rolling her eyes.

The next stop is a shoe store, since Alice was appalled that I didn't have any heels to wear out to the bar on Friday night. She is adamant that I need black strappy sandals to go with my new dress, and I find it hard to argue with her. I actually love shoes… with more sensible heels. But I find a pair just high enough to please Alice and just short enough that I can walk in them.

After our shopping expedition, we take the bags back to Alice's car and then Alice leads me to a small Italian restaurant called Bella Italia for a late lunch. I decide to order the mushroom ravioli, while Alice gets eggplant parmigiana.

"That was so much fun, Bella. It's too bad Rose already had plans with Emmett. He just works such long hours since he graduated from the police academy, so they spend just about every available minute together when he's not working. "

"I've heard a lot about Emmett, can't wait to meet him," I say, popping a ravioli into my mouth.

"Oh, you'll love him," Alice says. "He's a total goofball, like a big overgrown frat boy with the cutest dimples ever. Rose keeps him in line though."

"I bet she does," I laugh. "Rose kinda scares me."

"Nah, she's a big pussycat compared to Edward."

"I can handle Edward. I think he's just a bit misunderstood."

Alice looks at me like I'm crazy, but thankfully drops the subject, turning back to her eggplant.

* * *

**A/N: **I'd post the link to the dress Bella bought, but it comes up as unavailable now. That's what I get for pre-writing the story. All three dresses were from Cache though.


	7. I Will Reach You

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. Are we ready to meet Jasper?

* * *

_Chapter 6_

I am just coming back from the wine cellar at The Lodge when a young waitress from the nearby Quileute reservation stops me.

"Oh my God, Bella, you are so lucky," Leah cries.

"Um, what?"

"A total hottie just sat in your section. You have to find out his name for me. And if he's single," she giggles, dark brown eyes twinkling.

I glance around the corner towards my section, and besides the couple for whom I was retrieving the bottle of wine, I see Edward seated in a booth, across from an older couple. Does Leah mean Edward?

"You mean the guy with the reddish-brown hair, sitting with the older couple?"

"Yeah, him, isn't he gorgeous?" she squeals.

"That's just Edward," I say, ignoring the question. "He lives at Mrs. Cope's boarding house with me."

"What? You live with that guy? Oh my God, have you seen him naked?"

"What?" I laugh. "Why would I have seen him naked?"

"Coming out of the shower, duh. Isn't that how it always happens in the movies?"

"Well, this isn't a movie. And each of the bedrooms has an en suite bathroom, so no, I have never caught Edward naked, or even in a towel. Sorry to disappoint," I laugh.

"Well, damn… is he single?" she asks.

It occurs to me that I have no idea whether or not Edward is single. I've never seen him with a woman, but we don't run into each other all that often, so that doesn't mean anything. "I don't know," I finally answer.

"Sorry, Leah… I gotta drop off this bottle of wine and then take their orders."

"Lucky!" she calls as I walk off.

Minutes later, the wine is poured, and I walk over to Edward's table.

"Good evening, everyone… Edward," I say, acknowledging him.

He looks up at me then and appears almost shocked to see me. "Um, hi Bella, yeah, um…"

"Edward," the woman says, "Introduce us to your friend." I notice a little smirk on her face.

"Mom, Dad, this is Bella Swan. She moved in to Mrs. Cope's a few weeks ago. Um, Bella, this is my mom and dad, Carlisle and Esme Cullen."

They're his parents? They look nothing like Edward — Carlisle is blond and blue-eyed, without Edward's strong jaw, while Esme has light brown hair and sparkling hazel eyes. Nothing at all like Edward's piercing green eyes.

"Oh, Bella, it's so nice to meet you," Mrs. Cullen says. "Are you new to Forks? I don't think I've seen you around town before."

"Yes, Ma'am," I reply. "I just moved here."

"Oh, call me Esme, please… 'Ma'am' makes me feel so old," she says with a light laugh. "Where are you from, Bella?"

"I'm originally from Phoenix."

"Wow, that's quite a change. Well, I hope you'll be happy here."

"Thanks, me too," I say with a small smile. "Are you ready to order? I can just get your drinks if you aren't ready to order dinner yet."

"I think we're all ready," Carlisle answers. "Esme?"

I take their orders back to the kitchen then deliver the salads to another one of my tables. As I stand by the kitchen doorway surveying the room to make sure no one needs anything, I notice the diners at several tables glancing over towards Edward and his parents. I wonder what that's about?

"What's wrong, Bella?" Leah asks, as she notices my frown.

"The way the other diners keep staring over there. It's odd," I say, nodding towards Edward.

Leah follows my line of sight before answering, "Hmm… you're right. I'll go ask Paul — if you want information, ask a bartender."

It's about ten minutes later when I am able to catch up with Leah again. "So did Paul know anything?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah, he sure did… he said Edward went to jail about five years ago for a drunk driving accident. Apparently, he killed someone."

"He… what? Oh my God…"

"I know — I had no idea. Apparently Forks gossip doesn't travel down to LaPush," Leah says.

"I had no idea he went to jail…"

"Wait, you knew about the accident though? You haven't even been in town for a month."

"Edward told me about the accident, but I didn't want to be rude and ask him if there were any, you know, legal consequences. He was just a stupid kid who thought he was ok to drive."

When Leah's order is up, she disappears, leaving me standing there alone, still speechless. I'm still thinking about what I've learned as I deliver the meals to Edward and his parents. I feel so bad for him, the way the other diners seem to be staring and gossiping.

With the way gossip seems to spread around Forks, I need to be very careful about getting close to anyone in town, not to mention the fact that I really don't plan to stay here all that long. I can't help being drawn to Alice's vivacious personality — and I really do need a friend — but I decide it would be wise to avoid getting close to anyone else.

* * *

It's about 11pm when I get home from my late shift. I'm surprised to see Edward in the living room, sitting at the piano. I don't recognize the song he's playing, but it's gorgeous — something classical, maybe Mozart or Bach? I stand and watch him for a while, mesmerized by the hauntingly beautiful song. Alice wasn't exaggerating when she told me how well he plays.

Edward's eyes are closed as his fingers dance over the keys, and he looks more peaceful than I've ever seen him. The difference from his usual demeanor is so striking, I can hardly believe he's the same person.

When he stops playing, I decide to take a chance and ask, "What is that song?"

"Oh, uh, it's just something I wrote," he replies.

Holy cow! "Wow, you wrote that? You're very talented. It's beautiful."

"Thanks," he says shyly, ducking his head.

"So, uh, why were you and your parents at The Lodge tonight? With the glasses of champagne and dessert, you all looked like you might be celebrating something. Was it someone's birthday?"

"No, no one's birthday," he says, standing up from the piano bench and heading for the stairs.

"Goodnight," I call up the stairs at his retreating form, but he doesn't even acknowledge me.

I can't say that I'm surprised at his rudeness. I can only imagine what Edward goes through every day, living in this town. Why did he even come back to Forks? Just because his parents are here?

* * *

On the Friday after Edward and his parents had dinner at The Lodge, I text Alice to let her know that I'll be home before 8pm. She immediately texts back inviting me to go out for pizza with her. I don't think I've had pizza since arriving in Forks, so I quickly agree. Friday night pizza dinners were pretty much a tradition for me in my old life, and I find that I miss that aspect of my life. I can't help wondering if the traditions have changed since I left.

Alice and I arrive at Pacific Pizza just after 8 o'clock, and amazingly, the place is still packed. The hostess tells us we'll have about a 25-minute wait. As we stand near the entrance, Alice suddenly grasps my arm.

"Bella, look, Edward is here. Maybe we can join him?"

"I don't know. He probably doesn't want us interrupting his dinner."

"Oh come on, we'll never know unless we ask. If he agrees, we won't have to wait, and I am _starving_."

I'm pretty hungry, too, so I let Alice drag me over to Edward's table. As we get closer, I notice that he's sitting with another young man that I haven't seen before, good-looking with longish messy blond hair.

"Hey, Edward," Alice calls. "Funny running into you here. Bella and I were wondering if we could join you so we don't have to wait for a table."

Edward looks up at the two of us but doesn't reply. His friend stands and smiles.

"Well, it's nice to meet you two ladies. I'm Jasper Whitlock, and who might you be?" he asks in a Southern accent, staring straight at Alice.

"I'm Alice Brandon, and this is Bella Swan," Alice replies with a shy smile. Since when is Alice shy? "We live at Mrs. Cope's boarding house with Edward."

"Well, it's nice to make your acquaintance. I'm more than fine with you joining us, right Edward?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, you can sit," Edward says gruffly. Could he be more unhappy about it?

"Where are you from, Jasper?" I ask curiously as we take our seats.

"I'm from Texas, Ma'am. Born and raised. Moved to Washington for college a few years back and never left."

"Do you live in Forks?" Alice asks. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head.

"No, Ma'am, I live over in Seattle. Just visiting Edward here this weekend." I'm sure I don't imagine the disappointment on Alice's face.

"Did you two go to school together or something?" I ask.

"Yep, we sure did. We were roommates at U-Dub for a couple years, until…" he trails off but I know what he was going to say — until Edward's accident… and prison time. I'm glad to see that all of Edward's friends didn't abandon him after the accident.

A waitress comes by then to deliver drinks to the guys — Jasper a beer and Edward a large glass of pop — and take our orders. I wonder idly if Edward no longer drinks alcohol at all, as he didn't have any champagne at The Lodge, either.

I don't drink beer often, but I go along with Alice and order a beer as well, figuring one beer over dinner shouldn't piss Edward off too much. We decide to split an extra large pizza with sausage and pepperoni, which Alice assures me is the best in the Pacific Northwest.

Once the waitress walks away, Alice turns her attentions back to Jasper. "So what do you do for a living, Jasper?"

"I work in computers, for Microsoft," he replies. "And what about you?"

"I own a clothing consignment shop, but my dream is to have my own clothing line. I went to school for fashion design."

"Oh, talented as well as beautiful. Edward, why didn't you tell me about your lovely roommates?"

Edward shrugs and I roll my eyes at Jasper's blatant flirting with Alice.

Jasper them turns to me. "And what do you do, Bella?"

"Um, right now I'm a waitress at The Lodge."

"Great," he acknowledges me, but I notice that Jasper can't keep his eyes off Alice as he asks her more about her shop.

Alice and Jasper seem almost lost in each other, so I reluctantly turn to Edward for conversation.

"Sorry for interrupting your dinner," I say quietly.

"It's fine." He shrugs again and takes a long sip of his drink.

The silence is interrupted by our server dropping off the beers Alice and I ordered. At least now I have a distraction. I quickly take a small sip.

When I can't stand the silence any longer, I take a deep breath and ask Edward what I've been wondering for days now. "So, um, are you angry with me or something, Edward?"

He looks up at me in shock. "What? Why would you think that?"

I roll my eyes. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because you won't talk to me? I asked you a question Tuesday night and you walked out of the room."

He sighs. "I'm sorry, it's just I don't… It's really better if we're not friends."

Oh.

I frown. Just a few days ago, I resolved to limit my friendships in Forks, but hearing Edward say that he doesn't want to be friends… well, it kinda stings.

Our pizza arrives then and I admit that it does look really good as the server sets it on a metal stand, to leave us more room on the table. We each reach up to grab a piece.

I take a bite of the steaming hot pizza, and yum, they were right, this is delicious. "I won't doubt you again, Alice — this is really good pizza."

"I told you!"

"I know, I know… it may be the best thin crust I've ever had. Still nothing like Chicago-style deep dish, though."

"I thought you were from Phoenix?" Edward asks. "How would you have had Chicago pizza?"

"Oh, um… this couple who were originally from Chicago opened up a restaurant in Phoenix and made authentic deep dish pizza."

"Duh, Edward," Alice says. "You can get Chicago pizza outside of Chicago. I ate at a Pizzeria Uno in New York a few times that served Chicago-style pizza." Thank you, Alice.

Conversation is light as we devour our meals, but as we all start to slow down, Alice and Jasper get lost in each other again.

"Edward?" I ask tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I know what you said about not wanting to be friends, but—"

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Um, ok." Well, I'm confused. I stare down at the slice of pizza on my plate, trying to understand what's going on here.

Edward sighs. "What were you going to say, Bella?"

"Oh, it's nothing — I was just going to ask you again what you and your parents were celebrating at The Lodge. But you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," I quickly add.

He sighs again and reaches up one hand to rub the back of his neck. "It was an anniversary."

"Oh, their wedding anniversary? Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" I'll never understand this man.

"Not their wedding anniversary," he says, taking another large drink.

"Not their wedding anniversary…" I repeat. What other kind of anniversary is there? "I'm sorry, Edward. I don't understand," I admit. "What kind of anniversary?"

He pushes back from the table a bit and stares at me with those bright green eyes. I feel like he's looking into my soul. I stare back, willing him to trust me. Finally he takes a deep breath.

"It was 20 years since the day they adopted me," he says quietly.

Oh. Oh! That explains why he looks nothing like his parents. Twenty years ago though? Edward is older than that, which means he wasn't adopted as a baby.

"Can I, um, ask what happened to your real parents?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm sure I can keep up."

Edward shakes his head, frowning. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you." He chuckles to dull the sting a little bit.

"Of—of course," I stutter. "That's something you tell friends. I get it."

Edward nods at me and gives me a small smile. "Thanks," he whispers.

"Hey, Edward," Jasper says, startling both of us. "We probably need to hurry if I'm gonna make it back to the bed and breakfast by curfew."

Edward pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks the time. "Oh shit, you're right." Since our waitress has already left the bill, we all start pulling money out of our wallets.

"Ladies, it was very nice to meet you," Jasper says, kissing Alice's hand before we stand. We walk out of the restaurant together and go our separate ways to our cars.

"Bella," Alice whispers as soon as the boys are out of hearing range, "I think I've just met the man I'm going to marry."

I roll my eyes, but with the way Jasper was staring at Alice tonight, I wouldn't bet against her.

* * *

**A/N: **I wanted to make everyone aware that time begins moving faster from this point forward, now that Bella is a busy working girl. There will always be clues in each chapter as to how much time has passed. By the end of this chapter, Bella is finishing her fourth week in Forks.


	8. Closer

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 7_

I feel things start to change after Edward's and my discussion at Pacific Pizza. He still isn't the most talkative guy, but he began having dinner with Alice and me on Sundays and actually contributes somewhat to our conversations. When he's like that, I feel like he could become a good friend — despite what he says about it not being a good idea. Whatever _that_ means.

What is the saying — a riddle inside a mystery wrapped up in an enigma? Something like that, anyway. I love solving puzzles… I just want to get to know Edward, learn all of his secrets. The fact that he's a very, very attractive man has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all. _You're kidding yourself, Bella_, my subconscious tries to speak up, but I push those thoughts to the back of my mind. No matter how attractive Edward is, nothing can happen between us.

I do understand a little of why he is the way he is. Clearly, Edward has had a pretty rough life, between his adoption and prison time. I wonder how long he was behind bars, but I'm too chicken to ask. He doesn't trust people easily, that much is clear. I've tried to let him know that he can trust me, but am I really that trustworthy when I'm lying to everyone in town about my life before Forks?

I'm on borrowed time here; I know that. Realistically, I _have_ to go home and face what I left behind. The longer I stay away, the worse it'll be to go back — for me and for everyone else. And I've got a new consideration now — the new friends I'm making here in Forks, who will miss me when I'm gone. I know this, and yet, when I think of going home, I can literally feel my blood pressure rise. No, I'm not ready yet.

I clear my head of negative thoughts as I walk into the coffee shop where I am meeting Alice for lunch, about a week and a half after our dinner with Edward and Jasper. Just after the server sets down our plates, the subject of Edward comes up.

"You know," she begins, picking at her Cobb salad, "I have never seen Edward this… friendly since he moved back to Forks. You're a good influence on him."

"Oh, I don't know about that."

"Come on, Bella, don't be so modest. You've gotten sullen, moody emo guy out of his shell. I never thought _that_ would happen. One thing I still don't understand though, is why he was so pissed at us for going to Port Angeles that one night."

"What?" I ask, shocked. Doesn't she remember?

"You know, that night he came and picked us up from Twilight. I was pretty drunk, but I remember he wasn't happy about us being out."

"He, um, didn't want us drinking and driving," I say tentatively.

"Pfft, it's not like he ever cared about me before… So it must be you," she concludes.

I debate filling Alice in on what Edward had said that night — after all, he thinks she already knows — but in the end I decide to keep my mouth shut.

"So are you attracted to Edward?" Alice asks out of the blue.

"Alice!" I shout, as I nearly choke on my tuna salad sandwich.

"What? It's a fair question. Even I know he's hot, though he's not my type."

"He is… good-looking, I suppose. But I'm not interested in dating anyone right now."

"Oh come on, Bella! You should flirt with him a little, see how he responds."

"I — no, I can't do that. We live together; it might be awkward." Please buy that, Alice.

"Now you're just making excuses," Alice admonishes.

Shit.

"What about you and Jasper?" I ask, trying desperately to change the subject.

"Oh Bella, he is just so wonderful," she gushes. "I gave him my number that night at Pacific Pizza, and we've been talking on the phone pretty much every night since then. I'm going to go visit him in Seattle the weekend after next."

"That's great, Alice," I say genuinely. "He seemed like such a Southern gentleman."

"He is; I've been waiting to meet someone like that for a long time."

I smile at the dreamy look on Alice's face. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, but don't you see, I want the same for you. You deserve happiness, too, Bella."

Given the things I've done, I'm not so sure I agree with her.

* * *

One evening a few days later, I arrive home from work to find Edward at the piano again. Mrs. Cope is sitting on the sectional, watching him with rapt attention. He looks up when I come in, but doesn't seem to mind when I take a seat next to Mrs. Cope and watch him play. I don't recognize the song again — I know it's not the same one he played last time.

From where I'm seated, I can't see Edward's hands, but I'm mesmerized watching his shoulders, of all things, peeking up above the top of the piano. His eyes are open this time, as he concentrates on the keys. I only studied piano for about six months, but I know enough to realize that the song he's playing would be very difficult to play — far beyond my talent level. I'm in awe of his musical ability. What the hell is he doing in Forks, instead of on a concert stage somewhere?

When he finishes the song, Mrs. Cope speaks up, "Edward, do you know _Clare de Lune_?"

"I do," he nods.

"Could you play it? That song is so special to me… the piano you're playing belonged to my favorite aunt, and she played Debussy at my wedding."

"Sure, I can," he smiles, before launching into the song. I'm not familiar with it, but after just a few bars, I can understand why Mrs. Cope loves it so much.

Once again, Edward appears to lose himself in the song, eyes closed as he concentrates. I'm tempted to walk over to where I can watch him play, watch his hands moving across the keys. Instead I stare at his face, so serene, and a stray lock of too-long hair that falls over one of his eyes.

Mrs. Cope's eyes are glistening with tears by the time the song comes to an end. "Thank you, Edward," she says fervently, as she stands and gives him a quick hug. "I always love it when you play for us."

He smiles shyly at her. "Anytime you want to hear something, just ask."

"You're so talented," I say quietly once Mrs. Cope retreats to her personal quarters.

"Thank you." He shrugs. "I studied music at U-Dub."

"Alice says you teach music?"

"Um, yeah. I give private lessons, piano and guitar mostly. I tried to get a job as a music teacher at Forks High last year, but—"

He stops suddenly, and I wait patiently for him to continue. When he stares down at the piano keys, I prompt him, "But…?"

"But they wouldn't hire a convicted felon, even if I had completed my degree."

I stare at Edward, a little shocked at what he just admitted to me.

"Don't pretend you didn't know," he says flatly.

"Um…"

"Who told you?"

"Paul — bartender at The Lodge."

"Figures," he says bitterly. "All the gossips in this fucking town." He shakes his head.

"That's awful, the way people treat you," I say. "That one mistake shouldn't define who you are."

"Yeah, well, it does… That one mistake ended up costing a young man his life. No matter what I do, I can never make up for that."

Though my heart goes out to Edward, I have no answer for him, no way to relieve his guilt. Instead, I choose to get back to the original subject. "So was that your dream, to teach music?"

"No, I actually thought about being a concert pianist once. Or a rock star." He grins. "When I got out of prison, I answered an ad for a guitar player in a local rock band. It wasn't really my kind of music, but it paid the bills for a while, you know?"

"Why did you move back to Forks then?" I ask curiously.

"Ah, that's a question for another day," he says, standing up from the piano bench. "Goodnight, Bella. I have an early lesson tomorrow; one of my students always has her lessons before school."

"Goodnight, Edward."

.

* * *

Around 1am Saturday night — or Sunday morning — I am jolted from sleep by the sounds of whimpers and loud moans coming from the room next door. It almost sounds like Edward has a woman in his room and they're having sex… I refuse to dwell on the fact that I am upset by that thought. I listen more closely; now it almost sounds like cries.

Remembering that Alice is in Seattle with Jasper this weekend, I wonder if I should go see what's going on. I glance down at my pajamas, decide that they more than cover everything necessary, then quickly crawl out of bed and make my way out into the hallway. I tap lightly on Edward's door and call his name. When he doesn't respond after a few seconds, I push the door open and slowly enter the room.

The moonlight illuminates Edward's figure lying on the bed, shaking. I step closer to the bed and tentatively lay a hand on his shoulder and give him a little shake.

"Edward?" I whisper.

His eyes open and he gasps, scurrying back from me. He stares at me wild-eyed and I wonder if he recognizes me.

"Edward? It's me, Bella."

"Bella?" he whispers.

"Yes… you were having some sort of nightmare."

He sits up and lays his forehead on his bent knees, rubbing at his face.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," he says curtly.

"Well, you weren't fine a couple minutes ago. Come on, why don't you come downstairs with me and I'll make you some hot chocolate. It'll help," I add with a small smile.

Edward looks up at me, and for a minute he looks like a lost little boy. Finally he sighs and climbs out of bed. I try not to notice the fact that he's only wearing boxers.

In the kitchen, I flip the light switch then dig around in the pantry for the box of hot chocolate mix that I know I saw in there the last time I cooked dinner. Finally I find the box and pull out two packets, emptying them into mugs. I decide to take a shortcut and heat up some water in the microwave instead of a teakettle. I watch the clock tick down on the microwave to avoid looking at half-naked Edward.

When it beeps, I pour the steaming water into the mugs, stir and bring them to the table. "Here you go," I say, pushing Edward's mug towards him before sitting down.

"Thanks," he says quietly.

"So, does this happen often?"

He takes a long breath before speaking quietly, "Not too often."

"Do you remember what it was about? Was it about the accident?" I ask, curiously.

"No."

"It's ok if you don't want to tell me," I say, though I really want to know. I fully realize it's ridiculous for me to push Edward to talk when I have so many secrets of my own.

I try not to stare at his bare chest while I wait for him to decide whether or not to open up. Just the right amount of chest hair…

"Sometimes," he begins, startling me from my ogling, "I dream of what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't adopted me. I mean, I was five years old, and most couples looking to adopt seem to want babies. It's not unreasonable to think that I may have lived in that orphanage until I was 18 — or been shuttled from foster home to foster home."

"No, I suppose not, but they did adopt you, and they seem like great parents," I add, taking a sip of my hot chocolate.

"They are; I'm very lucky they found me."

"How come you don't live with them?"

"I did, for a month or so when I first came back to Forks. I just… I don't know, Mom kinda worries too much about me when I'm living under her roof. It made her nervous when I'd play a gig in Port Angeles and get home at two in the morning. Mom wouldn't fall asleep until I got home safely. I did that to her," he says, shaking his head.

"Edward, you shouldn't feel guilty about that. She's your mom — it's her job to worry."

"Still my fault…" he says, staring down at the table. I want to reach out and hug him. Instead, I decide to change the subject.

"Could they, um — I mean, why did they adopt?"

"Esme had had three miscarriages in the 10 years they'd been married. The doctors didn't think she'd ever carry a child to term, so they decided to go the adoption route."

"Ah, I see," I reply. "Were you living in Forks then?"

"No," he replies. "We lived in Alaska."

"Alaska? Wow, I didn't expect that."

"Yeah, I'm from Anchorage. Esme and Carlisle are originally from the Midwest somewhere — Ohio, I think — but they moved to Anchorage for his medical school residency."

"When did you move to Forks?"

"When I was 11 — right before I started middle school. Carlisle had had a standing job offer at the hospital here in Forks for a couple years, but they stuck around in Alaska just in case my real parents tried to contact me. They never did."

"Will you tell me now what happened to your real parents? I guess — I guess they didn't die."

He glances up at me and the look on his face is heartbreaking. "They didn't want me," he says flatly.

"What? They gave you up, just like that?"

"Well, not quite," he replies. "My mom left my dad when I was four. She fell in love with another guy and he didn't want her kid, so she left me behind with my dad. He tried his best, but he started drinking a lot after she left, and eventually he was fired from his job at the Port. When he couldn't afford to feed me anymore, he gave me up."

"Edward, that's horrible," I say, tears running down my face. "But it's not your fault — I mean, that doesn't mean they didn't want you."

"Of course it does," he says bitterly. "My mom chose another man over me and my dad chose the bottle over me. They didn't want me. They _left_ me. Unless you've been through it, you can't imagine what it does to a kid to feel unwanted," he says, shaking his head.

My tears are falling faster now, as my heart breaks. Surely he can understand that his dad was just doing what he thought was best?

"Edward, by giving you up, your dad was trying to save you, give you a better life. He wasn't being selfish."

"Don't try to defend him, Bella," Edward says almost angrily.

"Ok, ok, I won't," I placate him. "Is this why you have such a hard time trusting people?"

"It's part of the reason," he replies with a sigh. "I'm not up for the rest right now though, all right?"

"Ok, sure, of course. Are—are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, thank you, Bella. For the hot chocolate — and for listening." He stands and places his mug in the sink. "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Edward," I call, watching him walk away.

I hastily rinse both of our mugs in the sink and climb the stairs back to my room. After I close the door and crawl into bed, I begin sobbing.

* * *

**A/N: **More answers for everyone!


	9. You Make Me Feel

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 8_

"Are you ready to go yet, Bella?"

"Almost done. Just finishing up the deviled eggs."

"Mmmm… that pie you made smells amazing!"

I reach over and bat Alice's hands away from my apple pie. "Hands off, that's for dessert!"

She gives me her patented pout. "Why are you making all this stuff, anyway? Esme said we didn't need to bring anything."

"I know, it's just… cooking a big dinner for so many people is a lot of work. I felt like I should take some of the burden off her. Besides — isn't your mom bringing macaroni salad?"

"Yes, and it's the greatest thing ever, wait until you taste it."

I pile the last of the eggs into a container and close the lid. Ready to go.

"Ok, let's go pick up your parents. You can carry the eggs — I don't trust you with the pie." For a tiny little thing, she seems to be able to eat whatever she wants and never gains an ounce.

Alice giggles and winks at me. "Smart girl."

Soon we're off to Alice's parents' home to pick them up, and then on to Edward's parents' for Easter dinner. His mom actually invited me in person one day last week when she had lunch at The Lodge with a friend of hers. She couldn't stand the thought of me being alone on a holiday, so far from my family. Alice's mom isn't quite up to hosting a big dinner yet, so Esme extended the invitation to Alice and her parents as well.

Alice was a little upset about not spending Easter with Jasper, but he went back to Texas to see his parents and brother. And Rose and Emmett are spending their holiday in Portland, where Rose's parents and younger twin siblings, Jane and Alec, moved shortly after her high school graduation. Mrs. Cope is spending the holiday with her son and his family, who live up in Port Angeles.

To be honest, I'm glad that Alice and her parents are going to be there, too. If it were just Edward, his parents and me, it would feel a little too much like, well, like a date. And we are definitely not dating.

This is the first holiday since I've been gone. My mind keeps wandering back home, wondering what everyone is doing without me. Are they still having the traditional dinner with turkey or ham? Who is going to cook? Or has my disappearance spoiled the holiday?

A tiny, insecure part of me wonders if anyone even misses me. Maybe they've all just stopped looking and moved on with their lives. Consciously, I doubt that's true, but I can't completely turn off that self-doubting part of my brain.

I've never been to Edward's parents' home before and I am shocked at how far out of town it is. We finally turn off the tree-lined highway at an almost hidden turnoff onto what is essentially a gravel road. After about a quarter mile, we reach a clearing among the enormous evergreens and their home comes into view.

Well, not a home so much as it is a mansion. It's two stories, with a massive wraparound porch, more impressive than the one at Mrs. Cope's even.

I step out of the car and carefully balance both containers until Alice is able to come around to the passenger side and grab one. Edward already went on ahead earlier this morning. He was nice enough to take Alice's car and leave the keys to his Volvo so two people wouldn't have to squeeze into the backseat of the Beetle. That wouldn't have been pleasant. And my Mustang wouldn't have been any better.

We ring the doorbell and are quickly greeted by a smiling Carlisle. "Come in, everyone. Let me take that from you, Mrs. Brandon."

"Oh, thank you, Carlisle. And you know you can call me Kathleen."

Instead of following the others presumably into the kitchen, I stand in the foyer transfixed. This house is absolutely gorgeous. I remember Alice telling me once that Esme is an interior designer, and I can see it clearly in the way the home has been decorated. She's unmistakably very talented.

"Bella?" Alice calls.

"Sorry — um, be right there."

I track the sound of Alice's voice and step into the most beautiful kitchen I've ever seen. Tall, light stained wood cabinets, dark granite countertops and island, top-of-the-line stainless steel appliances… it's truly a cook's dream come true. If only I enjoyed cooking.

"Here, let me take that," Esme says as she grabs the pie dish from my hands.

"Esme, your kitchen — your home — is just gorgeous."

"Thank you, dear. We've lived here for almost 15 years now, so I've had plenty of time to do my thing with it, if you will."

She sets the pie on the countertop and opens the dish. "Oh this looks wonderful, Bella! Edward had mentioned that you cook dinner sometimes for the three of you, but I had no idea that you could bake as well."

I shrug. "Baking isn't that hard for me. It's just following directions."

"Would you like a drink? And then please, go relax in the living room. I think the guys are in there watching the Mariners. The ham should be out of the oven in about five minutes."

Alice and I take our drinks and head into the living room, while her mom stays to help Esme set the table. I notice for the first time that the back wall of the house is made up nearly entirely of glass. I can't imagine cleaning all those windows — surely they have a housekeeper — but they truly complement the breathtaking view of the forest with the Olympic Mountains in the distance.

Carlisle has commandeered the black leather recliner, while Alice's dad is seated on one end of a dark gray sectional. Edward is slouched on the chaise lounge on the other end of the sectional. Alice sits next to her dad, leaving me the spot next to Edward. Of course.

"Hey, Edward," I say as I sit on the more-comfortable-than-it-looks sofa.

"Hey," he says quietly, not looking away from the TV. I almost sigh, but restrain myself. It seems like every time we take a step forward, we take two steps back. Edward has pretty much avoided me since last weekend when he had that nightmare. He's a man, so I just assume he's embarrassed that I saw his weakness.

"Who's winning?"

"It's tied," he replies.

All right, so much for that conversation. It's not like I know anything about baseball and can actually contribute anything intelligent. I've never been much for watching sports.

I try to watch the game for a few minutes, but I'm pretty much lost — just looks like a bunch of guys running around in tight pants with their socks pulled up to their knees. After a few minutes, Esme calls Carlisle to come slice the ham. And finally, she blessedly calls the rest of us into the dining room.

Of course I end up seated next to Edward. He and I have one side of the rectangular table, while Alice, her mom and Esme have the other side. Carlisle and Alice's dad sit on the ends.

I'm not particularly religious, but I bow my head and join hands with Edward while Carlisle says grace. I can't reach Alice's dad on my other side. I'm shocked at how… warm Edward's hand feels as he takes mine in his much larger hand. There's almost like an electric current running from his hand into mine, and I'm tempted to pull my hand away. I have never been so glad to hear the word "Amen" in my life.

Carlisle takes the plate of meat first, helps himself and begins passing the dish around. I take some of each dish as it reaches me, until finally we've all been served.

We begin to eat and everything is just delicious. Conversation mostly centers around the yummy food. Alice was right about her mom's macaroni salad.

"Hey, Alice," Edward begins, "How come you can't cook like your mom?"

Alice sticks her tongue out at him and I laugh. "I'm beginning to think cooking skips a generation," I say. "My mom is a horrible cook."

"Really? Then who taught you?" Alice asks.

"We did cooking for one semester of Home Economics in junior high, so I guess my teacher taught me." I shrug.

"Thank you so much for having me, Esme," I continue. "It was so nice this year to just make a couple of dishes and let someone else do most of the work. I've been cooking the entire meal on every holiday since I was in junior high school."

"Your mom doesn't help at all?" Alice's mom asks.

"She would if I asked, but really, we might all end up in the hospital with salmonella poisoning."

They all laugh, but little do they know how true it is.

As we finish our meals, I start collecting plates and carrying them out to the kitchen. I figure it's the least I can do. Once the table is cleared, I bring in the pie. Tiny little Alice takes the first piece before passing it around.

Once all the compliments on how good the pie tastes are out of the way, Carlisle asks Edward about his lessons.

"They're going fine, I have several people that I work with. I'm a little bummed that I had to turn someone down last week, though. I hate having to do that, but I'm just not very good at playing wind instruments."

"Wind instruments, like clarinet?" Alice asks. Don't go there, Alice.

"Well, actually Tyler plays oboe in the high school band, but yeah, it's similar to a clarinet."

"Bella plays the clarinet." She went there.

"Really?" Edward turns to me with a shocked look. "You never mentioned that you play any instruments."

"Oh, well, I don't really… I just played in the band back in school, so it's been a long time."

"Don't be modest, Bella. I'm sure you were great, just like you are at everything," Alice adds.

I feel my face heat up… I never was very good at accepting praise. Probably because it was usually followed by a list of things I could do better.

"Do you think you could help Tyler?"

"Oh, I don't know…"

"Could you try, maybe? I hate having to turn down a kid who needs help. Just let me know your work schedule and I'll try to find a time that works for all three of us."

"Um, ok, sure I can try."

"Great." Edward gives me a real, genuine smile for the first time, and I find myself wishing he'd smile like that more often — he has a beautiful, crooked smile.

* * *

After the dishes are all rinsed and stacked in the dishwasher, the four women join the men in the living room. The baseball game is over, so the guys turn down the volume on the TV.

"So tell me more about yourself, Bella," Esme says.

Oh shit, here we go. "Not much to say." I shrug.

"Is your family still in Phoenix?" she persists.

"Yes, my mom and dad still live there."

"What do they do for a living?"

"My dad was a cop for many years and my mom works at a preschool."

"No siblings?" Carlisle asks.

"No, it's just me. I always kind of wished for a brother or sister, so I had a built-in lifelong friend," I reply.

"Not necessarily," Alice pipes up.

"Sorry?"

"Well, I have a brother — actually he's my half brother from Dad's first marriage. He's twelve years older than me, so we were never close when he'd come for a visit, and we barely see each other or even speak to each other now."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't realize you had a brother. Where does he live?"

"California, somewhere just north of LA."

"Is it hard on your family, now that you've moved away?" Alice's mom asks. "I bet your parents miss you."

_Think fast, Bella._

"They seemed ok the last time I talked to them." There, that's not a lie.

"Maybe they'll come visit you soon," Alice suggests.

"Yeah, maybe," I say noncommittally.

We sit and chat for a couple hours before Alice's mom starts getting tired. Saying our goodbyes, the four of us head out to Edward's Volvo.

"I'll swap you cars back later tonight, Alice," Edward calls.

After dropping Alice's parents off at their house, we return to the boarding house. I don't see Mrs. Cope's Buick parked in the driveway, so she must still be out with her son and his family.

"I had a really good time, didn't you, Bella?"

"Yeah, I did; Esme and Carlisle are so nice. And your parents too, of course."

"Even Edward seemed to be on his best behavior today, just a little quiet," Alice says. "Oh hey, I almost forgot — what was up with you two when Carlisle was saying grace?"

"What?" Shit, what did she see?

"Your face was turning bright red."

"It was?" I ask innocently.

"Fine, fine, play dumb… but I think you have a little crush on Edward." Alice smiles. "I'm gonna go call Jasper before it gets too late in Texas — catch you later!"

I stand there dumbfounded after Alice runs up the stairs. I do not have a crush on Edward — do I?

* * *

**A/N: **It is 2011 in the story. Easter was April 24, so Bella has been in Forks for about two months now.


	10. When I'm With You

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 9_

Thank God I wasn't scheduled to work today, a couple of weeks after Easter. I sleep until noon, not wanting to face the day, before finally crawling out of bed and heading downstairs in my pajamas. It's my usual grocery shopping day, but I don't feel like going out, so I poke around in the pantry and finally settle on a granola bar.

The house seems so quiet. Mrs. Cope, Alice and Edward are all out with their families. I have the entire house to myself to do whatever I want. Instead, I sit on the sectional and stare into space.

Did I make a huge mistake in leaving the way I did? Will anyone ever understand, ever forgive me? Will they hate me?

The tears won't stop falling as I contemplate the huge mess I've made of my life. It wasn't such a bad life, was it? _No, I wasn't happy, I was going insane…_

I turn on the TV but barely pay attention to what is in front of me. When my stomach rumbles, I look at the clock and see that it's nearly 5pm. Where did the day go?

Starving, I head back into the kitchen, emerging moments later with a pint of Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a spoon. When I finish the ice cream, I set the container on the coffee table, turn off the TV, then stand up and walk over to the piano bench.

I sit on the bench and run my fingers across the keys, remembering the night last month when Mrs. Cope and I watched our very own private concert. I think back to the music that flowed out of Edward's fingers and try to remember anything from my long-ago lessons. I hated taking piano — hated pretty much everything my parents pushed me into. I'm jealous of the passion Edward has for music, passion that even the horrors in his past couldn't take away. I've never felt that kind of passion for _anything_ — always just going along with whatever anyone asked of me, whatever was expected of me.

I spend a couple of hours playing little more than "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or "Mary Had a Little Lamb" — no Debussy for me — and then head back to the couch. I curl up in one corner and start crying again. Why didn't my old life make me happy? Most people would've been thrilled with my life.

It's nearly sunset when I hear a noise at the door and then footsteps on the hardwood floor in the foyer. It must be Edward; the footsteps just seem like a man's.

He flicks the light switch and then the footsteps stop.

"Bella?" he whispers. "What were you doing sitting down here in the dark?" He walks around the sectional and stands there, staring down on me curiously.

"Bella," he says again, louder, when I don't answer. "Are you all right?"

I look up at him and can't help the fresh flood of tears down my cheeks.

Edward sits down next to me and reaches up, curling his hand around my cheek. "Bella, tell me what's wrong."

I sniffle. I can't hold this in any longer. "I'm just wondering if I did the right thing."

"The right thing in what?"

"Leaving. Coming to Forks. What if no one understands why I had to leave?" I sob.

Edward stares at me, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "You know, you never do say much about why you left Phoenix. You can tell me, you know. You were there for me when I needed someone to listen. Maybe I can be the same for you?"

I stare up at Edward… could I tell him the truth? Have I found someone I can confide in?

"I don't even know what you did for a living back in Phoenix. Were you a waitress there, too?" he asks.

"Yes. No. I mean, I was, back in high school, but, um, I had an office job."

"And you didn't look for anything similar in Forks?"

"No… the last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer."

"So you left because you were unhappy with your job," he concludes.

"That was part of it. I worked long hours, and it was hard juggling both work and a personal life," I reply.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you came to Forks, but couldn't you have just changed jobs?"

"I — I don't know if that would've helped. I just… I needed to start fresh, I think." I look down and realize Edward is holding my hand. How long has he been doing that?

"I'm sure your family will understand if you explain it to them," he says gently. "Have you spoken to them lately?"

"No," I whisper.

"Well, you should… It's Mother's Day — go call your mom and tell her you love her." Suddenly Edward's arm is behind my back and he pulls me toward him. I tense for a second, wondering what he's doing, but then he wraps his left arm around me and hugs me tightly. I belatedly realize that I'm still just in my pajamas, braless.

He releases me and lets out a chuckle. "Did you really finish that whole pint of ice cream?" he asks, nodding his head toward the empty container.

"Yes," I say defensively. "I was starving."

Edward laughs. "Hey, I'm just saying. Look, Bella, you should go upstairs and take a long bubble bath or something, isn't that what women do to relax?"

I roll my eyes. "Thanks, Edward… for returning the favor," I say as I stand, self-consciously crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Anytime, Bella."

"Friends?"

"Friends," he agrees with a small smile.

* * *

"Bella, are you almost ready?" Edward calls through the bedroom door.

"Be out in a minute!" I shout back.

Today, a week after my meltdown, is my first day working with Tyler Crowley, the high school student who needs tutoring on the oboe. I finally let Edward talk me into trying to work with him. I'm nervous that I won't really remember any tips on playing, as it's been so long.

I look at my reflection in the mirror above the sink and smooth my blouse. I don't know why I'm primping, for God's sake — it's just Edward and a high school kid.

Finally I open the door and make my way downstairs. Edward is seated in the living room and looks up as he sees me enter the room.

"'Bout time," he teases.

Before I can think of a snappy comeback, the doorbell rings. Edward jumps up to answer it, while I stand awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs.

Moments later, Edward and a tall, thin teenage boy with beautiful cocoa skin enter the room. The boy is carrying a long, narrow black case. "Bella, this is Tyler. Tyler, this is Bella; she lives here, too."

"Nice to meet you, Tyler," I say, extending my hand.

Tyler shakes my hand briefly and nods, smiling. "Nice to meet you, too."

"Why don't we sit down," Edward suggests.

We walk around to the seating area and Tyler sets the case on the coffee table. He opens it up and pulls out his oboe before taking his seat.

"That's a beautiful instrument, Tyler," I say. "How long have you been playing?"

"Since ninth grade, about a year and a half."

"Well, I'll try to help you out, but I played clarinet when I was in high school. The two look very similar, but the clarinet is actually much easier to learn. Why don't we start by having you play something for me so I can see where you need help."

"Ok," Tyler agrees.

Tyler plays a lively piece of music that I actually remember from my own days in band. I can see that his problems stem mostly from finger placement. I suggest a few exercises that I remember will improve dexterity.

When the hour is up, Tyler has a big smile on his face. "Thank you so much, Bella. I knew there had to be something more that I could do to practice than just what our teacher was telling us."

"No problem," I smile. "I'm glad I could help. Remember — you need to practice at least an hour a day. I don't think you've been doing that."

"You're right, I haven't, not since baseball season started. But I'll make more of an effort to work it in. Do you still play your clarinet?"

I shake my head. "No. It's back at my parents' house in Phoenix. I haven't played in years."

Tyler closes the case and readies to leave. "Thanks again, Bella. Thanks, Edward."

Edward laughs. "I didn't do anything except listen. Come on, let me walk you out."

Moments later Edward reappears with a smirk on his face. "I think someone has a crush on you."

"Huh?"

"Tyler. Didn't you notice the way he smiled at you? I think he likes you."

"Oh please, he's too young for me."

"Tell him that," Edward chuckles as he pulls out his phone. "Oh hey, it's almost 12:30, did you wanna grab some lunch with me or something? I have a couple hours until my next lesson."

Well that was unexpected. "Um, sure, just let me run upstairs and get my purse and jacket."

Edward and I settle on lunch at the deli down the street. It's a beautiful spring day as we walk the couple of blocks.

"Thank you again for helping Tyler. You had a lot of good advice for him. I'd bet you were the best in your class at clarinet."

I feel my face heat up. "I was pretty good," I hedge, not wanting to boast.

"Why did you stop playing?"

I shrug. "Even though I love music, I never really liked _playing_ music all that much. I only played because my parents pushed me."

Thankfully, we arrive at the deli before I say too much. After ordering our sandwiches and taking our seats, Edward changes the subject.

"Are you ever going to tell me the real reason you came to Forks?"

"Are you ever going to tell me the real reason _you_ moved back to Forks?" I counter.

He winces. "Touché. All right, no heavy questions." He grins. "What's your favorite color?"

"Green," I answer without thinking, as those expressive green eyes of Edward's stare into mine.

"Mine's blue," he says. "Favorite food?"

"Mexican, definitely. You can't grow up in the Southwest and not fall in love with Mexican food."

Edward's face takes on a shy, contrite expression. "Yeah, um, that reminds me… sorry if I was rude when you and Alice asked me to join you when you made chicken enchiladas a couple months back. I'm not used to getting good Mexican food around here. I'm pretty much a meat and potatoes guy."

"It's fine," I say with a small smile.

Our sandwiches arrive then and I watch as Edward takes a huge bite of his Philly cheesesteak. I laugh as I see cheese sauce dripping down his chin. Without thinking, I reach up and wipe it off with my finger. I stare at the gooey yellow cheese on the tip of my finger before popping it into my mouth.

Edward's eyes seem to darken as he watches me. Oh shit, I really didn't mean to do something like that, something so… suggestive. I give him an embarrassed grin. "Sorry."

"If you wanted to share, all you had to do was ask." He gives me a crooked smile and I am sure that I turn an even brighter shade of red.

"Your blush is cute," he blurts out.

"Umm… "

"Never mind, sorry. Where were we?" He continues our "game" of 20 questions, "Favorite band."

"Um, Matchbox Twenty."

"Dave Matthews Band. Seriously, Bella — Matchbox Twenty?"

I shrug. "I haven't listened to much new music in the last 10 years."

Edward's brow furrows and I hold my breath, hoping he doesn't probe further into that.

"Favorite movie?" he continues.

"_Dirty Dancing_."

"A chick movie?" he groans.

"Well, Patrick Swayze was hot," I counter, chuckling.

"Hmmm… if you say so. I prefer action movies, myself. Do you like to read?"

"I do. I just don't have much of a chance to read for pleasure. Or didn't," I add.

"Right, that inability to balance work and a personal life back in Phoenix."

I just nod, again hoping he drops the subject.

"Were you… dating anyone before you left?"

Thank God I have just taken a bite of my BLT, as it gives me time to think of an answer as I finish chewing. I swallow and finally answer, "No, I wasn't dating anyone."

"No time for that?"

"Right," I agree with a sigh.

"So you didn't leave a trail of broken hearts behind you?"

"Hardly," I say. "I've only dated a handful of guys."

"So what's your ideal type of guy?"

"I don't know that I really have one, I guess. I never really thought about it. What about you?" I ask.

"I used to have a thing for blondes, but that never seems to turn out very well for me, so I think I've switched to brunettes." He grins at me.

I nervously finger my brown hair, feeling for the first time that Edward might be flirting with me.

"Are you finished with your sandwich?" I ask. Edward nods and I continue, "We should probably be getting back. I still need to go grocery shopping and figure out what I'm going to make for dinner."

"You know, you don't have to shop for all of us, Bella."

I shrug. "It's fine, I'm used to it. What would you like for dinner?"

"Turkey and stuffing with all the trimmings," he replies with a grin as we get up to throw our trash away.

"Maybe for Thanksgiving dinner, now how about tonight?"

He laughs, holding the door open for me. "It was worth a shot. I don't know, can you make, like, pork chops or something?"

"Sure, my dad loves stuffed pork chops."

Edward throws his arm around me then as we walk back. "I sure am glad you moved in, Bella."

"You just want someone to cook for you," I say, elbowing him in the ribs in a desperate attempt to keep this flirtation from taking flight.

* * *

**A/N: **A big thank you to owlsarebirdstoo for pimping this story! Also thanks to moosals, JenEsme and gjficfan for their faithful reviews of every chapter. Now what about the rest of the 43 of you with this fic on Story Alert and the 24 who have marked it a Favorite? Can I shame you into reviewing? I reply to all reviews, and will send along a teaser for the next chapter! :)


	11. Beautiful Tonight

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 10_

I spray my perfume and look at my reflection in the mirror. I actually think I look pretty hot in the little black dress that Alice picked out for me a couple months back.

Alice would not take no for an answer in her mission that we all — even Edward — go to Port Angeles tonight for a big night out to celebrate the beginning of summer. Jasper is driving over from Seattle and meeting us at Twilight. Even Rose and Emmett are coming, though they're having dinner in Port Angeles first and meeting us there.

When I finally got up the nerve to ask Edward one day, he confirmed that he doesn't drink any alcohol, now. Ever. So he'll be our designated driver for the night. I get the feeling that he rarely goes out to bars or clubs outside of his gigs with the band, but it's hard to say no to Alice.

I grab my purse and head downstairs before Alice starts pounding on my door. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I see Alice and Edward are already waiting for me.

"Um, sorry I took so long."

"You look beautiful, Bella," Edward says, staring up at me. "Wow, I've never seen you dressed like that."

I feel my face heat up. "It's Alice's fault; she picked out the dress."

"But you're the one wearing it," he replies.

"You do look great, Bella," Alice pipes up. "Come on, let's go! Jasper said he'd try to be there around 7 o'clock."

The three of us pile into Edward's Volvo for the drive to Port Angeles. Mercifully, Alice sits in the back where she can't control the radio. I have to stop myself repeatedly from turning my head to check out Edward. In dark jeans and a black button-up shirt, he is looking mighty fine tonight himself.

Thankfully, there have been no more "incidents" like the one at the deli in the past couple of weeks. Edward has remained friendly towards me, but I haven't gotten any vibes that he's flirting, or interested in me.

When we arrive at Twilight, Edward drops Alice and me off and goes to park the car. She is practically bouncing with excitement.

"Calm down, Alice. You just saw Jasper last weekend."

"But I miss him!"

I just roll my eyes at her.

Minutes later, Edward shows up, and he's not alone.

"Look who I found in the parking lot," he says.

"Jasper!" Alice yells, throwing herself at Jasper, and kissing him passionately.

"Get a room, you two," Edward says with a grunt, and they finally pull apart. At least Jasper appears a little bit sheepish.

"Come on, let's go inside," Jasper suggests.

Inside the place is crowded, but not overly so, and we're able to find a large round table in a corner booth.

"What are you drinking?" Edward asks me.

"Oh, you don't need to buy me a drink."

He waves his hand as if to dismiss my concern, and I finally tell him that I'll have a Cosmopolitan.

"Bella, this night is gonna be so awesome," Alice says to me as soon as the guys are gone.

"You sure are awfully excited for summer," I reply with a chuckle.

"Well, there might be a little more to it than that," she says mysteriously.

The guys return with our drinks and we sit and chat together as we sip them. Alice is practically bouncing in her seat. She and Jasper can't seem to keep their hands off each other.

Finally I see Rose and a very tall, well-muscled dark-haired man step into the club. "There they are," I say, nodding my head towards them.

Since Edward is seated on the end, he stands up and walks over to them, leading them to our table.

"Hey everyone," Rose says. "This is my boyfriend, Emmett. Emmett, this is Bella and Jasper, Alice's boyfriend. You know Edward from the gym, right?"

"Hey," Emmett says, nodding at us. "Rosie, what can I get you from the bar?"

"I'll have a sex on the beach," she replies.

"Yeah, this summer you will," he says suggestively.

"Emmett!" Rose elbows him as he saunters away laughing. "Sorry about him; I think his inner child is a little too close to the surface most of the time."

Edward scoots closer to me in the round booth so that Rose and Emmett have room to sit. His denim-covered thigh is so warm against my bare one.

Once Emmett returns, Jasper and Alice stand up and face the booth, and Alice starts clapping her hands to get our attention.

"Ok, guys, Jasper and I have an announcement to make."

Once we've all given them our full attention, Jasper speaks. "I'm going to be moving to Forks in a couple of weeks!"

"Seriously?" Edward asks.

"Yep, already bought a house and everything. I'd been saving up for a few years but things are so much more expensive on the other side of the Sound, even after housing prices nosedived. With what I had saved, I could get a pretty nice place in Forks, though."

"So does this mean you'll be moving out, Alice?" I ask.

"No, not yet. Jasper and I decided it was too soon to move in together, since we've only been seeing each other for a couple of months."

"Besides, my mama would kill me for living with a girl without putting a ring on her finger," Jasper adds with a wink.

"Congratulations, Jasper," Edward says. "You fucker, why didn't you tell me you were planning this?"

Jasper laughs as he and Alice take their seats again. "Alice here wanted to make some big announcement. Besides, I only just faxed back the signed papers on Wednesday."

"When did you even have time to look for a place?" Rose asks.

"Well, Alice helped out a lot with looking at homes for sale and narrowing the list. I finally saw the place in person when I visited a few weeks back."

"What about your job at Microsoft?" I ask.

"Well, hell, if a computer guy can't figure out how to work remotely, then no one can. I talked to my boss about it, and he agreed that I can work from home and only go into the office a couple days a month."

"Nice," I say. Why didn't I think of that?

Eventually, Alice drags Rose and me onto the dance floor. The guys opt to refill their drinks and remain at the table while the three of us dance.

"Soooo," Alice begins, speaking loudly so as to be heard over the music, "What's up with you and Edward?"

"Huh? Nothing," I quickly reply.

"Oh please, look at him over there watching us — watching _you_. He can't keep his eyes off you." She nods toward our table and sure enough, Edward is staring at me.

"I — I think you're trying to make something out of nothing," I shout back.

After a handful of songs, Alice leads Rose and me to the hallway outside the restrooms, where the music is muted enough that we can talk more easily.

"Admit it, Bella. The guy likes you. I saw the look on his face when you came down the stairs tonight."

"All right, maybe," I admit. "But it doesn't matter, anyway. I'm not interested in Edward."

"It's not because of his past, is it?"

"What? You know about that?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah… Jasper filled me in," Alice confesses. "He was one of the passengers in Edward's car the night of the accident. He feels horrible about it, since he and the other guys encouraged Edward to be the one to drive that night."

"I kind of thought he might've been, since they were roommates. But I promise, Edward's past has nothing to do with my hesitation. I'm just not interested in seeing _anyone_ right now."

"You should go for it, have a little fun," Rose pipes up. "I'd bet you a hundred bucks that Edward is awesome in the sack… Not as good as Emmett, of course."

"And those long musician fingers," Alice adds with a sigh.

"Ugh, you guys…"

After an hour or so, Emmett comes onto the dance floor and grabs Rose for a slow dance. Alice waves at Jasper until he gets up and joins her.

A guy with dark greasy hair who introduces himself as Eric asks me to dance with him, but I politely decline and head back to our table, deciding it's safer there.

"Not your type?" Edward quips once I sit next to him.

"Hardly," I say, rolling my eyes.

Once the slow song is over, Alice and Jasper disappear from the dance floor. They reappear at our table a few minutes later, each with a full drink in hand.

"Bella," she scolds, "You should've danced with that guy."

"Not interested, Alice," I say through clenched teeth.

Edward brings me another Cosmopolitan and another Coke for himself, and the four of us sit together watching everyone gyrating out on the floor. Rose and Emmett look like they're practically having sex.

When _Bad Romance_ starts playing, Alice squeals, "Oh my God, I love this song! Come on, Bella, let's dance again."

Edward stands up to let us out and we scoot our way out of the booth.

"Come on, Edward, I haven't seen you dance all night," Alice chides. "I bet you're a great dancer since you're so musical."

Edward doesn't look happy about it but he follows the two of us onto the dance floor. We stand in a loose circle, dancing together, enjoying the catchy beat. Alice is singing along loudly — and badly. As Alice suspected, Edward appears to be a pretty good dancer.

When the Lady Gaga song is over, we dance together for several more songs before another slow song begins. Alice announces she has to use the bathroom and walks off towards the ladies room — after telling Edward and me that we should dance this one together. Why that meddling little …

We give each other tentative smiles before I carefully place one of my hands on his strong shoulder. Edward surprises me by turning me around, putting his hands along the top of my hips, and dancing behind me. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on the music, instead of the butterflies in my stomach.

"You really do look beautiful tonight," he says into my ear. Feeling his hot breath on my face, I break out in goosebumps.

"Thank you," I whisper.

Edward steps closer to me, and I don't think I imagine that he holds me tighter. When the song ends, he spins me back around and holds me close with his hands around my waist. Feeling awkward just standing there, I thread my arms together around his neck, enjoying being held in Edward's arms, even though we're dancing far too slowly for the current beat.

Unable to help myself, I lift my hands a little higher and play with the hair hanging on the back of Edward's neck. He closes his eyes and leans down, whispering, "That feels so good," in my ear.

Suddenly, Edward's hands, which had been stationary, begin sliding up and down, first just a couple inches at a time, then higher… and lower, until he's practically palming my ass. Part of me knows I should tell him to stop, but the warmth of his hands just feels so good. I block out any thoughts of why I shouldn't be doing this and try to just relax and feel.

And then I feel, all right. I feel something hard pushing into my stomach… and I'm pretty sure it's _not_ a cell phone.

Oh my God, Edward is getting _hard_ from dancing with me? Part of me feels powerful that I could have this effect on someone as hot as he is, but a larger part of me knows it's time — past time — to put the brakes on.

I don't want to offend him though, so I wait until the song ends before pulling away, using Alice's excuse of needing to use the ladies room.

Once I'm safely behind the door, I take a few deep breaths, trying to call myself down. I never should've let him dance with me like that. God, am I leading him on?

I use the bathroom and then splash some water on my face as I wash my hands. I look at my reflection in the mirror and I look… turned on. I look like every other woman in this club who's looking to get laid. No more Cosmos for me tonight.

I step out of the restroom and make my way across the dance floor back to our table. I see Alice and Jasper out there, tangled together, but thankfully Rose and Emmett are seated in our booth so I don't have to sit there alone with Edward. I can't be alone with him right now.

Edward keeps sneaking glances at me as the four of us sit and chat. When I feel his hand on my thigh, I remove his hand and scoot a little further away from him, nearly crying at the look on his face. I wish I had a glass of… something to distract myself.

It's nearly 1am when Alice and Jasper come back to the table. When Jasper declares that he's exhausted, we decide it's time to get going. Jasper has had several beers, so he agrees to leave his pick-up behind and ride back to Forks with Edward.

Being a cop, Emmett knows all about drinking and driving, and only had a couple of beers. He and Rose say their goodbyes before Emmett leads his tipsy girlfriend out to his car.

I walk silently beside Edward as we make our way to his Volvo. Jasper quickly runs to his truck to pick up his overnight bag. Knowing Jasper's legs are much longer than mine, I offer him the front seat and am glad when he takes me up on my offer. Alice looks like she's about to pass out, anyway.

Sure enough, Alice falls asleep in the backseat before we're even out of Port Angeles. Edward and Jasper talk quietly in the front, but I try not to pay attention to them. I lean my head against the window and close my eyes, plagued by guilt over the huge mistake I made tonight.

I must fall asleep, because I wake up suddenly as Edward is dropping Jasper off at the Forks Motel. I'm sure he'd rather come back to the boarding house with Alice, but we all respect Mrs. Cope too much to go against her one rule.

Shaking Alice awake once Edward parks the car, I am glad to see that she's able to make it out of the car and into the house by herself tonight. I head into the kitchen for a bottle of water to avoid walking up the stairs with Edward. I don't know how to face him right now.

Upstairs, I quickly undress and toss my dress onto the loveseat. I'll deal with it in the morning. I brush my teeth, finish my bottle of water and fall into bed.

That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.

* * *

**A/N: **My -ward needs a name! I am clueless as to what to call him. Review and send me your suggestions. :)


	12. Fool Again

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Posting a day early because I want to post the next chapter on Wednesday.

* * *

_Chapter 11_

"Here's another one," I say, carrying yet another box of Jasper's video games out to the foyer of his small apartment.

Somehow, I let Alice rope me into asking my boss to rearrange my work schedule so that I could have Friday night and Saturday off to help Jasper pack up for his move to Forks. Edward, Alice and I set off for Seattle last night around 5:30, after picking up sandwiches to-go from the deli. When we arrived at Jasper's apartment, we worked until around midnight packing up his kitchen and much of the living room.

I slept on the futon in Jasper's office-slash-guestroom last night, while Edward took the couch in the living room. I offered to take it, given that his 6'2" frame hung off the end, but he insisted that I could have the bed.

This morning we woke up bright and early to finish packing. Edward drove Jasper to pick up a U-Haul truck to carry all of his boxes and furniture, while Alice and I began packing up the master bedroom. Now we're onto the office and shelf after shelf of video games. The end is definitely in sight though.

It's unseasonably warm today for June — for Seattle, anyway — and Edward steps into the apartment sans t-shirt to pick up the box. I quickly avert my eyes and try not to stare.

I've been avoiding Edward ever since that night in Port Angeles a couple weeks back, when I felt _Edward Jr._ against my stomach. Of course I can't avoid him completely, living in the same house, but I've done a pretty good job of avoiding being alone with him at any rate.

Sometimes over dinner I'll catch Edward watching me. He looks like he wants to say something, but Alice's presence prevents that. I can't tell if he's angry with me for the way I rebuffed him, or not. I'm too scared to even bring up that night to ask him about it. I don't want him to be angry, or hurt, just understand that I can't be with anyone in that way.

I head back into the office and work on packing up the rest of the game library. Jasper comes in to pack up the computer himself, not trusting anyone else with it. Soon, we have everything packed, and Jasper and Edward have all of the furniture out of the apartment and onto the U-Haul. I check my watch and it's only 2pm.

"You've never been to Seattle before, have you, Bella?" Alice asks.

"No, I haven't." It's not a lie — I only drove through on the freeway.

"You should see some of it; it's a gorgeous day. Jasper has a few errands to take care of before we leave tonight. You and Edward should go downtown, visit the Space Needle at least."

I glare at Alice, but she either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore me.

"You've worked hard, you deserve a break for a few hours. Doesn't she, Edward?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun." He smiles at me. "You shouldn't just hang around the apartment after you've made it all the way over here."

I'm trapped; there's no way to turn him down without truly offending him. After I reluctantly agree, we set off for downtown Seattle. Conversation in the car is easy as Edward points out places of interest along the way. Just after we cross the floating bridge, Edward points out his alma mater, the University of Washington, just to the north of the highway.

When we finally park the Volvo downtown, Edward tells me we're visiting Pike Place Market, one of the two most popular tourist attractions in the city. The market is full of specialty foods, handmade crafts and clothing.

Edward laughs and calls me a sucker as I buy items from several of the vendors, including hand-dipped candles, jewelry, honey, nuts and fruit. I love this place and could probably spend the entire day here but Edward drags me away, insisting that he's starving.

Crossing the street from the market, we stop at Beecher's Handmade Cheese shop. "They have the 'World's Best' mac and cheese," Edward says with a grin.

"Mr. 'Meat and Potatoes' likes macaroni and cheese?" I ask skeptically.

"Of course I do; it's comfort food. Everyone loves comfort food. And… I still remember the taste of my real mom's mac and cheese," he replies, ducking his head.

We step into the shop and head to the counter to order. Edward orders the plain mac and cheese, while I am intrigued by their south-of-the-border Mariachi mac and cheese with roasted chilies. We decide to split an order of "breadzel."

"This is really good," I say as I place another forkful of cheesy goodness in my mouth. "Thank you for bringing me here."

"No problem," he smiles. "I love this place; I used to eat here a lot when I lived in Seattle."

"Tell me about your time in Seattle — you said you played in a rock band?"

"Yeah, after I first got out of prison, I crashed at Jasper's place for a while. I knew I needed a job but I wasn't sure who would look past my record and hire me. Jasper grabbed me some flyers one day from local bands looking for guitarists. I auditioned for one of them and got the gig." He shrugs.

"What was the name of the band?" I ask.

"No one you've ever heard of," he mumbles, turning back to his macaroni.

"Edward, what was the name of the band?"

He sighs, looking up at me. "They were called 'Full Moon,' all right?"

I laugh out loud. "It wasn't, like, your thing to moon the audience, was it?"

"No, we did not moon the audience," he says with mock anger.

"When did you… get out of prison?"

"Hmm… it was just about two years ago now. I pled guilty to DUI and vehicular manslaughter and was sentenced to five years, but I got out early on good behavior, and due to overcrowding."

"Oh my God, that must've been awful for you," I exclaim.

"Well, it wasn't like staying at a luxury hotel. But I got minimum security as part of the guilty plea. Still, I spent every free moment in the gym lifting weights and stuff, so bigger guys couldn't push me around."

I look over at Edward, and now that he mentioned it, I do kind of notice the bulging biceps under his T-shirt. He really is a fine specimen of man… not that I'm interested.

"I was in therapy the whole time I was in prison, trying to work through my feelings on what I had done," he says quietly. "The therapist made me see that the best way to honor his memory was to be the best person I could be when I got out of prison. That's when I made the decision to never drink again. I don't believe I had a problem with alcohol, but I'm not going to take any chances, especially with my real dad…

"Anyway, even though I was technically free," he continues, "I was still on probation after I got out, I had 1,000 hours of community service, and my driver's license was revoked, so I had to make do with the bus and getting rides from friends. I was never so glad for anything as I was when I could reapply to get my license back. My parents had saved the insurance money from totaling my car for me, so I went right out and bought the Volvo." He laughs but then his expression sours and I wonder what is going through Edward's mind. I decide that now is not the time to push him.

After we finish our dinner, we head back to the car. Edward tells me it's about a mile walk to the Space Needle, but I'm up for it, so we just put my purchases in the trunk and start walking.

At the Space Needle, we buy our tickets and ascend to the observation deck. The view from the top is unbelievable — Puget Sound, high rise waterfront condos, skyscrapers, bridges…

"There's the mountain," Edward points towards the southeast.

"The mountain?"

"Mount Rainier. Everyone in Seattle just calls it 'the mountain.' It's a nice day if you can see it from Seattle."

I look at the mountain, and it appears to be almost floating in the sky. I can see the top of it, still covered in snow even in June, but the next layer of it is covered by a thin layer of clouds so that the mountain seems to disappear. It fascinates me, somehow.

I feel Edward's hand on the small of my back as he leads me over to the western side and the gorgeous view of Puget Sound.

"Wow, Edward, I had no idea how beautiful Seattle was."

"Yeah… I love the water."

We stand staring out over the water for several minutes before Edward asks, "Are you ready to go? There's one more place I want to show you."

Once we're back on the ground, we walk down Broad Street towards the waterfront. The sun is getting lower in the sky to the west and is shining brightly off the water. I see several large ships coming into the port.

"I always found it kind of peaceful here," Edward says. "I'd come down here with my guitar sometimes and sit on that bench over there and write songs. I think I wrote some of my best stuff here."

"I never see you play your guitar."

He shrugs. "Since I left the band, I play it mostly for me, unless I'm giving a lesson, or the handful of gigs I play in Port Angeles to make a little extra cash."

I stand with my elbows leaning on the railing, looking out over the water. It actually reminds me a lot of the lake back home.

Home… I've thought of it less and less over the past couple of weeks. There is a part of me, and I don't know how dominant that part might be, that wishes I could just leave the past in the past and start over in Forks. But what kind of monster would that make me?

Edward's presence close behind me startles me from my thoughts.

"Bella," he whispers.

I turn around and he's right there, so close. Before I can blink, his arms are around my waist, pulling me towards him, and his lips are on mine… soft, yet insistent. I instinctively kiss him back before it hits me what I'm doing and I violently pull away, shoving him back.

"Edward, what — what are you doing?" I ask, staring up at the stunned look on his face.

He runs his hands through his hair. "Bella, I — I feel such a connection to you. We're both trying to find our way. I know you can feel it, too… I want you — I want to be with you."

Oh God, this can't be happening.

"Edward, I'm sorry, but… nothing can happen between us. I'm so sorry." Tears begin to fall down my cheeks.

For a moment he looks hurt, but then the hurt morphs into anger.

"It's because of my past, isn't it? Because of what I've done. Because I'm a murderer."

"What? That's ridiculous, Edward. I don't care about a mistake you made when you were 20 years old."

"God, I thought you were different," he rants, pulling frantically at his hair. "I thought you were… but you're not — you're just like her. You're just like Tanya."

"Who — who is Tanya? Look, why don't we sit, and you can calm down and talk to me, ok?"

I want to reach out for him, comfort him, but I'm sure that's not a great idea right now. Finally, he turns and begins walking toward one of the benches. I follow and sit beside him, but not too close, turning my legs so I'm facing him.

"Tell me about Tanya, Edward."

I watch as he pinches the bridge of his nose, seemingly at war with himself.

"Tanya is my ex-girlfriend," he begins quietly.

"I met her when I was playing in the band here in Seattle. She used to hang out at one of the bars where we played. We started seeing each other. It wasn't true love or anything like that, but she was gorgeous, with blonde hair and a hot body. Exactly my usual type," he says, rolling his eyes.

"I had been crashing with Jasper since my release, but I knew I was cramping his style a bit. I wanted to get my own place, but I couldn't quite afford the security deposit. My parents spent so much money on my legal expenses that I didn't feel right asking them for it.

"So I asked Tanya to move in with me a couple months after we started dating. The longer we lived together, the more I realized that she really was kind of a bitch. But after being locked up for almost three and a half years, the regular sex was worth it to me."

I wince at Edward's comment, but I know I asked to hear this.

"I never told Tanya about my past," he says guiltily, looking into my eyes. "She never asked, either. I wasn't driving but the public transportation is pretty good around Seattle, so she never really gave it a second thought.

"When I got my license back, I went right out and bought a car, like I told you. It never occurred to me how Tanya would react to finding out my license had been revoked. I told her the whole truth then, and we had a huge fight. She left, saying she couldn't be near me and was going to crash at a friend's place."

He takes a deep breath and continues, "So I didn't think anything of it when she wasn't there when I got back from our gig that night. Or the next night, or the next. Finally I thought, this is ridiculous — it's not like I was some hardened criminal — and I tried to call her cell, but the number was disconnected. And her clothes were missing from the closet.

"And then I tried to buy some gas with my debit card and found out my bank account was empty. I guess I'd left my debit card at home one night, and Tanya must've come back and 'borrowed' it when she took her clothes," he says, complete with air quotes. "One of her friends finally confessed that she had left town. I was broke, so I quit the band and moved back to Forks, moved in with my parents."

I sit in shock after Edward's confession… I had no idea the full extent of the hurt he has been hiding inside all this time. It just makes me admire him all the more for the way he has survived so much.

"Edward, I am so so—"

"Don't," he interrupts. "Don't tell me you're sorry." He sighs. "After that experience, I vowed to always be upfront with people about my past. If they're gonna reject me for it, I'd rather that happen before I get invested."

He turns to me then with a heartbroken look on his beautiful face. "You told me it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't," I vow. "Your past has nothing to do with why I can't get involved with you, I swear." I stare into his eyes, begging him to believe me.

"Then _why_, Bella? Make me understand."

This is it; this is my chance to tell him the truth. I open my mouth to just rip off the band-aid and do it, but then I close it again. I don't want to analyze the reason why I can't tell him the one thing that would end any hope of us ever getting together.

I bow my head. "I can't, Edward. I'm sorry, but please believe me that it's my issue, and has nothing at all to do with you."

"I'm done… this is what I get for trusting someone." He shakes his head. "I'm better off alone."

"Edward, no—"

"Don't — just don't say anything else." He stands then and holds out his hand to help me up. "Come on, I told Jasper we'd be back at his apartment by 8 so we can get on the road."

* * *

**A/N: **Yay, Edward opened up some more!

View from the Space Needle. I took this in September 2005. Remove spaces and add the part it won't let me post lol.

tinypic / r / e0rg2t / 6


	13. When You Come Around

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

I swear I didn't plan the timing of this chapter in advance — well, more in advance than Sunday. :)

* * *

_Chapter 12_

Tillicum Park is the site of Forks' annual Fourth of July bash this afternoon. Alice brought me a pair of red shorts and a blue and white striped tank top from her shop earlier this week. I told her I looked ridiculous when I tried them on, like I was trying to play at being a teenager, but she insisted that I had to look patriotic.

With one last glance in the mirror, I tie my hair up in a ponytail and head downstairs to get ready to leave, still feeling ridiculous. It's no use complaining — I know Alice won't let me get out of wearing the outfit. Alice floats down the stairs moments after me, wearing tiny white denim shorts and a blue and red striped bikini top. I just shake my head. At least she didn't try to put me in _that_.

"Are you ready to go, Bella?"

"Not if you let me go back upstairs to change."

"You are _not_ changing — you look cute."

And we're off, taking the Mustang so we can enjoy the wind blowing through our hair through the sunroof. When we get to the park, it seems like the entire town is there. Alice told me that the Fourth of July festival was the biggest thing in Forks, but I didn't believe her until now.

Alice pulls out her phone and I watch her fingers fly across the keys. Moments later she points towards a large tree. "Jasper says they're over there by that tree."

"They?"

"Yeah —Jasper, Edward and Rose. Emmett is on duty this afternoon."

Shit — I didn't expect Edward to be here.

Edward has spent the last three weeks since Seattle avoiding me. Not only has he stopped having dinner with us, but he's almost never home. I know he's not out with Jasper every night, because Jasper is usually with Alice. But Edward never seems to get back to the boarding house until long after I've gone to bed. Alice told me a couple weeks back that it was Edward's birthday, but he wasn't even around to celebrate.

Alice has noticed something is up and keeps eyeing me suspiciously, but she's never come out and just asked me what happened between us. If I told her, I'm not even sure she'd be on my side, since she has always seemed so fond of encouraging us to spend time alone.

We walk over to the tree and find our friends sitting on a large blanket in the shade. Jasper jumps up when he sees Alice and gives her a that-should-be-behind-closed-doors kiss. I avert my eyes, embarrassed.

Alice and I spread out our blanket right next to the other one and sit down. "You look cute, Bella," Rose exclaims.

"Thanks," I say shyly. I try not to look over at Edward, but I notice his khaki shorts and tight, dark blue t-shirt out of the corner of my eye.

I wistfully watch the families with children milling about, a group of kids playing tag. They all look like they're having so much fun.

"This is amazing," I say to no one in particular. "I thought Alice was exaggerating."

"Nope," Rose answers. "Forks does this up big every year. All the restaurants in town close for the day and have booths set up here instead. The food should be ready around 4. I think there's some kind of musical performance coming up in a couple of hours, too. There are also a bunch of booths with handmade crafts — some of the Quileutes from nearby LaPush are selling jewelry or baskets, plus there's woodworking, leather carvings. Lots of cool stuff."

"That sounds like a lot of fun; I love handmade things."

I hear Edward snort in remembrance of our trip to Pike Place Market, but he doesn't say anything.

Rose and Alice agree to go with me to check out the booths, while the guys choose to remain in the shade.

I am most impressed by the Quileute jewelry and their intricate wood carvings.

"Isn't this so cute?" I ask, holding up a tiny wolf charm carved from wood.

"I made that one," a deep voice says from behind me. I turn around and face a very tall tanned-skin man with long black hair. He's naked from the waist up, showing off his well-muscled chest. He looks vaguely familiar but I can't quite place him.

"Jacob Black," he says, holding out his hand to me. "I fixed your car."

"Of course, I remember," I say, shaking his hand. "You're multi-talented, I see."

"You ain't seen nothing yet," he says with a wink.

"Jacob, leave the girl poor alone," an older woman seated behind the table scolds him.

The three of us move along and I do buy a small handful of items. Edward shakes his head when he sees me walking back to the blankets, bags in hand.

About 20 minutes later, Edward gets up without a word and walks off towards the parking area. I wonder idly where's he's going, as I think the music is going to start soon. I expected him to be interested in listening to it.

Ten minutes later, I stop wondering as Edward walks up onto a small stage carrying a guitar, followed by several teenagers with their own guitars. The mayor announces all of their names, but I'm too busy staring at Edward as I realize that he _is_ the music.

The group launches into a series of vaguely patriotic songs. One young girl who reminds me a lot of Adele is singing lead on most songs, with the others all joining in on backing vocals. The way their harmonies blend together is incredible. Edward seems to be lost in the music, his eyes closed as he plays, a soft smile on his face.

If I didn't know before, I know now exactly how much music means to Edward. He is so much more than just a pretty face. I admire him so much for the things that he's overcome. He has changed a lot since I arrived in Forks, coming out of his shell and starting to live again — well, at least until I ruined things by rejecting him.

I look around at the crowd, and notice that most groups of people have stopped their conversations and are watching the performance. It must be incredible to have the ability to affect total strangers like that.

After they end the performance with _America the Beautiful_, all of the fairgoers stand and applaud. Edward takes a bow, stepping to the microphone to once again thank all of the other musicians, whom he states are his guitar students. I'm even more stunned to learn that he taught them to play like that.

Jasper stands and slaps Edward on the back after he returns his guitar to his car and then rejoins our little group. Alice and Rose gush over him, while I sit back quietly, worried that he won't want my platitudes, given that he's not speaking to me.

Around 4pm, we get the call that the food is ready. Rose offers to stay behind and save our spot if we get her a barbecued chicken sandwich and a fresh beer.

I stop by several of the food booths, checking out what they're offering, before finally settling on a cheeseburger from the diner, and potato salad and homemade chips from the deli down the street. The Fourth of July should always be about grilling burgers.

We return to Rose with plates full of food, glasses of lemonade and her requested beer. "This is so awesome," I exclaim. "All this food and I didn't have to make any of it!" I think back on last year's Fourth of July, where I hosted a party and spent hours in the kitchen cooking multiple dishes. Yeah, I don't miss "entertaining" at all.

Once our deliciously unhealthy food is devoured, we pack up the blankets and walk over to the baseball diamonds, where a couple of groups are trying to get some games started. Edward and Jasper end up joining one of the teams, both playing in the outfield.

I still don't like or understand baseball, but I sit with Alice and Rose watching the game, rooting the guys on, admiring Edward's athletic ability. He seems to hit the ball well — at least he always ends up on base — and he's got a strong throwing arm.

"Edward was on the baseball team in high school," Alice says, leaning over to me.

"I can tell," I reply. "He's very talented."

"So when are you gonna tell me what's up with you two? Why has Edward been spending practically every night playing guitar at open mic nights in Port Angeles instead of hanging out with us?"

"Is that where's he's been?" I ask, stunned.

"Yeah… He told Jasper that's what he's been doing."

"I had no idea," I say quietly.

"I know you didn't, because Edward doesn't seem to be talking to you… now spill."

I see Rose lean in from Alice's other side, curious as well.

After much consideration, I decide to open up — maybe Alice and Rose have some advice for me? _Please don't let me regret this._

"Edward kissed me."

"What? When?" Rose asks, intrigued.

"When we went to downtown Seattle together. He kissed me and I told him that nothing could happen between us. Now he's not speaking to me."

"Bella!" Alice yells. "Why on earth would you do that? The man is hot, and he's obviously crazy about you — it's a no-brainer. You haven't gotten any since you came to Forks — you're due."

"God, Alice — why are you so interested in my sex life? Edward is so much more than just a good-looking guy. Anyway, it's not Edward, it's just — I can't start a relationship with anyone."

"That's bullshit," Alice says. "You're a grown woman, you're single, you can date whoever you want."

"Please, just drop it, Alice?"

Edward and Jasper's team ends up winning the game, 7-5. After we leave the stands, I notice the park really starting to thin out. It's only around 7pm, but sunset is so late up here in Forks that we have over two hours of daylight left. Alice promises there will be fireworks, but says that a lot of families end up going home and watching the fireworks from there.

Rejoining us, the guys claim that playing baseball made them hungry, so we head back to the food booths, looking for dessert. Sure enough, most of the booths are now cranking out your typical sweet, deep-fried fair food. I choose a funnel cake topped with strawberries and powdered sugar.

Seeing that the couple dozen picnic tables have opened up now, we take our seats at one of them and enjoy the delicious treats.

"Yum, this is so good," Alice says.

"What is that?" I ask, eyeing the gooey concoction on her plate.

"Deep-fried Twinkie."

I wrinkle my nose. Only Alice could eat that and not need to do 100 crunches tomorrow.

As we finish up consuming far too many calories for one day, Rose gets a text from Emmett saying that he's off duty, and runs off to meet up with him on the other side of the park. Alice suddenly has something she just needs to show Jasper at one of the booths, so they take off as well, leaving me alone with… Edward. Like _that_ wasn't planned.

When I can't stand the awkwardness a moment longer, I decide to talk to him about a neutral topic — music.

"You were really awesome up there on stage today. I'd never heard you play your guitar before."

"Thanks," he replies quietly.

"Alice says you've been playing at open mic nights in Port Angeles?"

"Yeah," he answers.

"Can I… come hear you play?"

"Why would you want to do that? I thought you didn't want me?" he says gruffly.

"I _never_ said that, Edward. It's not that I don't want you, because… I think you're an amazing person. The fact that you've overcome some pretty tough hurdles in your life is something to be proud of. Any girl would be lucky to have you," I say emphatically.

"Except you, right?"

"No, I would be lucky to have you as well… but I just can't start a relationship."

"Why not, Bella? You never explained that to me."

"Because…" I begin, desperately grasping for something he'll believe, "It just wouldn't be fair to you. I'm not from Forks and I don't know how long I might stick around."

"Do you miss Phoenix?" he asks.

"I do. I miss my parents a lot."

"It has nothing to do with the fact that I went to prison for three and half years?"

"None at all, I swear to you, Edward. Please — can we get back to the friendship we used to have? I miss that."

"I miss it too," he whispers. "I'm sorry I acted like such a dick."

"It's fine — I know that I hurt you."

"Hurt my ego is more like it," he says with a chuckle. "I'm sorry I kissed you… Maybe I should've taken the hint at the club, but I convinced myself that you were just embarrassed with Rose and Emmett so close."

"I'm not mad," I say with a small smile. "And I really am sorry. I know Alice left us alone on purpose so we could talk. Wanna maybe join them?"

"And watch you spend more money on little trinkets? Sure," he laughs.

"Ass," I say, elbowing him in the ribs as we stand.

Catching up with Alice and Jasper, we walk through the booths with them. Alice eyes me knowingly as she sees Edward tagging along, seeming happier in my presence than he has in the last few weeks.

Finally it's dark enough for the fireworks. We set out the blankets again and lie back watching the sky. I've always loved fireworks, and I'm reminded of all the times I went with my parents to watch them back in Phoenix. I really got away from doing things like this in the past few years.

After the grand finale, we head back to the boarding house. In the car, I'm alone with Alice for the first time since my talk with Edward, and she wastes no time in asking me how it went.

"Come on, spill — you and Edward seem to have resolved your differences?"

"Yeah, I think he finally understands that my refusal was nothing personal. But please, Alice, stop meddling! I don't want any man right now, including Edward, so don't try to push it."

"Fine, fine, I'll back off… but I think you and Edward are meant for each other."

"Alice…"

"All right, all right… I'll back off — for now."

I guess that's the best I can hope for.

* * *

**A/N: **OK, let's try something! I remember a Twilighted thread where the author answered burning questions about her fic. So — review and ask me anything you want to know! Of course, I'm not going to tell you what Bella ran away from, or anything like that. But if you've put the clues together and have some theories, I'd love to hear them, and might even tell you if you're on the right track!


	14. I Don't Wanna Fight

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 13_

"No way, no how, am I wearing that!"

"Come on, Bella, it's adorable… and sexy," Alice replies, holding the tiny gold bikini out to me.

"Alice, I would look like the Pillsbury Doughboy in that."

"Oh, you would not. How many times do I have to tell you that you're not fat?"

"All right, I'm not fat, but I would not look at all attractive stuffed into a—" I grab the scrap of fabric to check the size, "—size 2 string bikini!"

"Fine," Alice pouts. "I'll give Rosalie a call and ask her to stop by here first and bring you one of her bathing suits."

Is she kidding here? "Like that's any better? I wouldn't even fill out the top of one of Rosalie's suits while nine months pregnant — with twins."

Alice sighs. "Well, since you wouldn't let me take you bathing suit shopping Friday night, you're stuck borrowing something unless you want to stick out like a sore thumb at First Beach. I'll call Rosalie."

I give up. "Just… ask her if she has a one-piece, please," I beg.

Twenty minutes later, Rosalie shows up looking like a _Sports Illustrated_ swimsuit model, wearing a teeny tiny red halter bikini that shows off her tan and her perfect curves, carrying a midnight blue tankini set for me. Close enough to a one-piece, I suppose.

Thank God the top has a bit of a built-in bra so I don't look saggy. Once I've got myself put together, I examine my reflection in the bathroom mirror and think I don't actually look half bad. Still, I grab my red shorts to wear over the bottom half of the suit until we get to the beach.

I walk downstairs to the sounds of whistles and catcalls.

"Hey, Emmett," I call.

"Looking mighty fine there, Miss Swan."

Rose elbows him in the ribs. "Knock it off, she's self-conscious enough."

"Are we all ready to go?" I ask.

"Yep, Edward took off already and was gonna stop by the deli for a picnic lunch and then pick up Jasper," Alice says as we follow Emmett and Rose out the front door.

This is my first trip to First Beach — and the Quileute reservation in LaPush — since moving to Forks. I was told we're only about 15 miles from the ocean, but on the twisty, windy road it takes over a half hour to get there, even with Alice's driving.

"There it is, Bella," Alice says as she parks the Beetle. "The Pacific Ocean."

"Wow, it's amazing."

Alice looks over at me curiously. "But you've seen it before, right? Didn't you say you drove up the coast to get here?"

"Oh, uh… yeah, I did, but that was months ago. I'd forgotten how beautiful the ocean is."

We get out of the car and head down to the beach, where the other four are already setting up our picnic lunch. I take out my SPF 50 and cover every visible body part — I know how my skin burns — then hand the bottle to Alice. We take turns making sure each other's backs are well-protected.

After we enjoy our tasty sandwiches, the guys start throwing around a football that one of them brought while the girls sit around and watch them. I try not to stare at Edward in his board shorts. His back muscles are to die for.

Since our discussion at the Fourth of July festival, Edward seems to have accepted that my reasons for rejecting him aren't personal. He's around much more now, only playing open mic nights a couple times a week. I had really missed our friendship. I'm still attracted to him — can't deny that any more — and I don't think he's over his feelings for me, but we're able to leave our feelings to the side and just be friends.

After Emmett lobs a pass that goes sailing over Jasper's head, Jasper flips him the bird and chases after it down the beach. "Emmett was the star quarterback at Forks High," Rose says to me. "Class of 2001."

We watch the guys for about 15 more minutes before Alice decides it's time to test the water. "Come on, you guys! Bella, take off your shorts."

I reluctantly yank them down and walk towards the water. Here goes nothin'…

"Oh my God, it's freezing," I yell after sticking my toe in.

Rose laughs. "What did you expect?"

"Not that — I went on vacation to San Diego with my folks once and the ocean was a heck of a lot warmer."

"You just need to desensitize yourself to it, walk in slowly," Alice says. She's practically up to her knees by this point.

It takes some time, but I finally manage to get submerged to my chest. The waves are too strong to swim very well, and when I am sufficiently chilled, I head back onto the beach, dry off and reapply my sunscreen.

"Ooh, look at the surfers," Alice says.

I look out towards the water and for the first time spot three men on surfboards about a quarter of a mile down the beach.

"Quileutes," she adds.

I sit on the blanket and watch the men surf for quite some time. They're all very good. Eventually they come out of the water and walk towards us, carrying their surfboards.

"Hey there," the largest of the three Native Americans calls to us girls — ignoring the three guys, who are now out trying to dunk each other in the ocean. As they get closer, I recognize the largest guy as the bartender from The Lodge.

"You guys are really good," Alice replies.

"Thanks. Want me to teach you to surf? I'm Paul. And this is Jacob and Brady."

"Hi Paul," Alice smiles. "I'd love to learn, but I'm not sure my boyfriend would appreciate your teaching me. Why don't you teach Bella instead?"

"What?" I ask, shocked.

"Oh hey, Bella. I didn't recognize you with your hair out of a ponytail," Jacob says. "I'll teach you to surf if you want. Told you I was multi-talented."

"Um, hey, Jacob. Thanks for the offer but… I'm not really very athletic. I'd probably end up breaking my leg if I tried to surf."

"Nah, you wouldn't — I'm a great teacher. I taught Brady here," he says, pointing to the man — boy? — who is clearly the youngest of the three.

"You should try it, Bella," Rose insists.

"Oh, I don't know—"

"Come on, you can wear Brady's wetsuit. He's not much bigger than you are."

"Hey!" Brady yells.

"What? It's true," Jacob chuckles, ruffling Brady's hair.

"All right, just for a few minutes," I find myself saying. "But when I fall off the board, we stop."

"Fair enough," Jacob replies. "Take off your suit, Brady."

Minutes later I am zipped up in Brady's wetsuit and carrying his surfboard as Jacob leads me out into the water. I notice that Jasper, Emmett and Edward, who got out of the water while I was putting the wetsuit on, are now sitting on the blankets with Alice and Rose, watching with rapt attention.

"The waves are bigger down there where we were surfing, so we'll start here," Jacob says.

Once we're waist deep, Jacob starts by showing me how to lie on my stomach on the board and paddle with my hands. I can handle this. Once I ride out a few small waves on my stomach, he shows me how to stand up on the board in shallow water. It really is kind of fun. After I master balancing, we paddle out a bit further into the water to try to catch a wave.

"Ok, stand up, Bella!" he yells.

I eagerly get to my feet and wait for the wave to reach me. As it closes in, I hear Jacob yell, "Hold you arms out like I showed you."

But the wave is bigger than I expected. It pushes up behind me and suddenly I am several feet in the air, standing on a mere piece of foam. I look over to Jacob to see what I should do next, when suddenly the board tips sideways and I am underwater.

For a moment I panic, but then I kick my feet and come back to the surface, spitting water out of my mouth. My surfboard is floating several yards away from me. I swim back to shore and get out of the salty water.

"Way to go, Bella," Alice calls.

"What are you talking about? I wiped out on my first wave."

"Yeah, but you tried it — that's more than I've ever done."

Moments later, Jacob appears out of the ocean carrying both surfboards. He drops them to the sand as soon as he's a few yards away from the water and runs over to me.

"Are you ok, Bella?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine — but I am never doing that again."

"I'm really glad you're ok," he says earnestly. "It looked pretty scary when you went down. Hey, but you had fun, didn't you?"

"Sure, until I actually tried to surf."

Jacob laughs and reaches out to my suit. "Here — let me help you out of that."

I'm terrified that I'm going to lose the bottom half of my bathing suit as I pull the tight wetsuit down past my waist, but thankfully I don't give everyone on the beach a free peep show.

"Thanks for trying to teach me, Jacob. It really was fun until I wiped out," I say as I step out of the suit.

"No problem," he says with a smile. "Hey, um, the tribe is having a bonfire out here next Friday night. Would you like to come?"

"Oh, no, I — I couldn't. I have to work Friday night. Maybe next time." I smile at Jacob, trying to lessen the sting of my rejection.

"Jake, are you ready to go?" Paul asks.

"Oh yeah, sorry — Brady's mom is having a fish fry tonight and if we're too late, there won't be any fish left for us. See you later, Bella. Bye, Rose — see you at work tomorrow. Alice," he nods.

"That was awesome, Bella," Emmett says as soon as the tribe members walk away. "Too bad I didn't have a video camera." He cracks up and I just shake my head.

"Yeah, I didn't see you out there trying it either, Emmett."

"Hey, I grew up around here — I already know my best sports all take place on dry land."

Once I finish toweling off, I grab my bag and dig out my sunscreen again. I'm sure all of the SPF 50 I put on after I got out of the water earlier was rubbed off by the wetsuit. I've got my front half mostly covered when Edward appears before me.

"Want me to get your back?"

Edward's hands all over my back? Oh, that is not a good idea. "Oh, um, that's ok — Alice can do it."

"What the hell, Bella? You spent the last hour flirting with Jake and you won't even let me touch you?"

"Edward!"

Noticing our audience of four for the first time, Edward grabs my hand and leads me to a little alcove past a jagged point of cliff wall. Once we're alone, he drops my hand and I cross my arms in front of my chest defensively.

"Do you want to tell me what that was about?" I ask angrily.

"You told me you can't be with anyone, yet you're flirting with Jake!"

"I was not flirting with Jacob — he was teaching me to surf."

"You don't think smiling at him and telling him 'maybe next time' is flirting?"

"No — I call it being polite. Maybe you should try it sometime."

Edward sighs. "Bella, I _was_ trying to be polite, to be friendly, offering to help you with the sunscreen the way Jake helped you out of your wetsuit. What's the difference?"

"The difference is that… you're interested in me."

"He's interested in you, too."

"So what? I'm not interested in him."

"Does that mean you're interested in me?" he asks with a crooked grin.

I sigh. "Edward… it's just not a good idea for you to touch me… like that."

"Because you won't be able to control yourself?"

"I—" Shit, he's probably right. What was once just a physical attraction to Edward is turning into so much more as I get to know him better, making it more and more difficult to stay away from him — but I can't let him know that.

"Because I don't want to give you the wrong idea… false hope." I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Edward, but nothing has changed."

Edward crosses his arms and stares at me. "You don't want Jake?" he asks in a small voice.

"I don't want Jake."

"So can I help you out… as a friend?"

"Fine," I sigh. "As a friend. Should we go back before I burn anyway?"

Edward nods and we begin walking back down the beach towards the others.

"Everything ok there?" Jasper asks as we rejoin the group.

"We're fine," I say, bending over to pick up the forgotten bottle of sunscreen. "Here you go, Edward."

I suppress a shudder as I feel Edward's fingers, calloused from years of playing guitar, glide across the skin of my back. I haven't been touched like that by a man since…

No, I can't think about him. Not now.

* * *

**A/N: **The original outline of this chapter said little more than "Jacob flirts with Bella and Edward gets angry." Then the Rob paddle boarding photos showed up and I wrote the chapter in under two hours. Don't judge. ;)


	15. We Are One

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Posting early since I have reception after work.

* * *

_Chapter 14_

"Are you playing in Port Angeles tonight, Edward?" I ask over our Saturday morning breakfast of cinnamon rolls — Alice was a doll to bring them back from the deli for all of us this morning.

"Yeah, why?" he asks, before taking another large bite.

"I was just thinking that I'd love to go see you. I've never heard you play any of your own music on your guitar."

"You really want to come hear me play?" he asks quietly.

"Of course I do. You're my friend and I should support you. Plus, you're really talented, Edward. I think I still have goosebumps from hearing you play at the Fourth of July festival."

"All right," he sighs. "I'm playing at Breaking Dawn, the bar down by the water — usually go on around 9."

"Perfect — my shift ends at 8 but I'll see if I can clock out early." I turn to Alice. "Would you like to come with me?"

"Oh, I'd love to, but Jasper and I already made plans for the night. Next time though," she smiles.

* * *

My boss agrees to let me leave at 7:30, and I quickly dash home to change. I decide to wear my one pair of designer jeans along with a cute top that Alice picked out on a shopping trip to Port Angeles at the beginning of June. I get lots of compliments on clothes she picked out when I wear them, but I still feel kind of self-conscious.

I arrive at Breaking Dawn about five minutes before Edward said he'd be on stage. I buy a drink — just one tonight — and find a small table near the stage.

The crowd claps loudly when the emcee announces Edward. He walks on stage in low slung faded jeans and a tight black t-shirt, carrying his guitar on a strap around his neck. He looks like sex on legs. Sitting on the stool, he runs his hand through his hair as he looks out over the audience. When Edward sees me, he smiles the most incredible smile, and I know it's just for me.

And then he begins to play, deft fingers moving from string to string, plucking out a haunting melody. I startle when he opens his mouth and begins to sing. I've never heard Edward sing before and I am shocked at the emotion in his voice. He feels every word he is singing. Because I know him, I know he is singing about his life — his adoption, the accident, his time in jail. I'm mesmerized.

"Um, I have one last song for you tonight. I've never played it for anyone before but I think, tonight — I think the time is right."

Edward begins to play a gorgeous melody on his guitar, a happier tune than the others he's played tonight. As I listen to the words, I realize he's singing something of a love letter — promising his undying devotion if his dream girl will just give him a chance.

It's for me. I know it's for me. And by the last few bars of the song, which he sings staring straight into my eyes, hot tears are running down my face.

Edward wrote a song for me. For me! It's the single most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me. He's so beautiful — inside and out. And in that moment, I forget every last reason why I can never be with Edward. I want him. If only it's not too late.

As Edward leaves the stage to thunderous applause, he walks straight for me, pulling the guitar strap over his neck. I stand as he nears my table and watch helplessly as he sets the guitar gently on the table and stares at me.

"Bella?" he whispers.

I can only nod my head. At the long-awaited sign, Edward tenderly grasps my face in his hands and kisses me. My God, his kiss… I feel it in my toes. His arms make their way around my waist, pulling me towards him… my arms encircle his neck. I cannot be close enough to him.

When I feel Edward's tongue slide along my lips, I open to him and the kiss deepens. Our tongues dance together as if we've been together for years — no awkwardness at all. It's only when he finally breaks away from my mouth and begins caressing the sensitive skin beneath my ear with his tongue that I feel his excitement.

And just like before… it's as if a huge bucket of cold water has been poured on me. What the hell am I doing? Am I seriously considering having sex with Edward?

No, no, no… I can't do this. I can't.

I pull myself away from Edward, turn away and run, taking advantage of his confusion to get lost in the crowd before he can stop me. I vaguely hear the emcee announcing the next act before I am out of the club and running down the street towards the lot where I parked my car earlier.

I drive home nearly blinded by my tears. What the _fuck_ did you think you were doing, Bella? Nothing good can come from starting some sort of romantic relationship with him. Nothing good at all.

Reaching Forks, I park my car in front of Mrs. Cope's and run through the rain to the front porch. My hand is trembling as I try to unlock the front door with my key. Finally, I manage to unlock it and step inside the dark empty house.

I slowly climb the stairs and make my way to my room. Inside, I strip off my nice clothes in favor of my pajamas, wipe the rarely worn make-up off my face and brush my teeth. I climb into bed and stare up at the ceiling. There are so many reasons why I should stay away from Edward, and only one reason why I shouldn't — because I want him.

For too long, I have sacrificed my own needs in order to please everyone else. When I've needed something, I've either spoken out too quietly or not at all, waiting passively for things to change. And where did that leave me — on the verge of mental exhaustion.

Leaving my old life and coming to Forks was the most selfish thing I've ever done, and also the first thing I've done strictly for myself in years. My mental state is 1,000 times better than it ever was back home. Giving in to my feelings for Edward would be like… that last little step to truly disengage from my old life. But am I selfish enough to do that?

* * *

It's maybe two hours later when I hear heavy footsteps on the stairs and I know that Edward is home. Listening closely, I hear the door to his room open and then close. Moments later, I hear his shower turn on. Without my permission, my mind goes straight to a mental image of Edward in the shower — water droplets falling over his broad shoulders, down his perfect chest and back, his muscular legs. I remember his hard length poking me in the stomach tonight … is he touching himself now? Is he touching himself while thinking of me?

With my mind preoccupied with its wanton thoughts, my body acts on its own, and I find myself standing on the floor. I stare at my bedroom door before taking a step towards it, and then another… and another.

Opening the door slowly, I peer out into the dark hallway. I see light coming from the crack under Edward's door, but not Alice's — she must still be out with Jasper. Taking a deep breath, I walk down the hallway to Edward's room. I think about knocking, but I still hear the water running, so he'll never hear my knock. Instead, I turn the knob and it moves — it's unlocked.

Walking into Edward's room, I close and lock the door behind me and pad over to his bed. After staring at it for what feels like an eternity, I sit on the edge of the double bed, facing the bathroom. The door is open and I can see the steam from the shower billowing out.

When the water shuts off, I nearly jump in surprise. I listen as the glass door opens and then closes again. I can hear the sound of a towel rubbing over Edward's wet skin. Any moment now he's going to step out of the bathroom and see me sitting here on his bed like some kind of creepy stalker.

And then there he is, standing frozen in the doorway, staring at me, naked except for a white towel that he's holding to his chest, covering anything I haven't seen before.

"Bella?" he whispers in confusion.

"I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Edward," I say quietly.

"Then don't," he says, letting the towel drop to the floor.

Holy freakin'… Edward is now standing completely naked in front of me, and every inch of him is impressive. Slowly getting to my feet, I remind myself to look into his eyes as I walk across the bedroom towards where he remains immobile.

When I reach him, I slowly bring my hands up and place them gently on his shoulders, then begin drawing them down over his chest. Edward hisses as my fingers roll over his nipples.

Suddenly, he reaches out and grabs both of my wrists in his hands.

"Bella," he begins in a pained voice, "I can't take it if you run away from me again. You need to be sure this is what you want before we go any further."

"I won't run away," I state quietly. "I can't deny this anymore."

Before I can blink, Edward drops my arms, reaches around to my backside and picks me up, holding me tightly against him. He kisses me fiercely and the kiss quickly deepens as I throw my arms around his neck and pull him closer.

Soon I feel myself moving backwards, and I realize Edward is heading towards the bed. I feel a brief moment of panic at what is about to happen, but tamp it down quickly — I want this man, and nothing else matters right now.

Edward lays me carefully on the bed and pushes up on my pajama top as his body covers mine. I unconsciously raise my arms over my head and he removes my top, tossing it recklessly across the room.

Edward hovers above me, on his knees, staring down at me, and I begin to squirm under his stare. "I know I'm no supermodel…"

"Don't," he says. "You're beautiful to me." He brings one hand up and squeezes my breast lightly, then bends down and takes my other nipple in his mouth.

God, the feel of his mouth, so warm and wet… His fingers are rough and calloused on my left breast, but I don't care. Edward is touching me and nothing else matters — not right now. When he switches sides, I can't stop myself from crying out. It's been so long since anyone has touched me like this, made me feel so special.

"May I?" Edward asks, his right hand poised at the waistband of my shorts.

I nod my head and he carefully pulls down my shorts and panties. He leans down and begins kissing his way down my stomach, then runs his tongue in a circle around my navel. I am nearly quivering with desire when he stops suddenly.

I lift my head, curious as to why he stopped.

"What is this?" he asks. "This scar?"

I had totally forgotten about the small scar just below my navel. "Oh… um, I had a cyst removed a few years ago. It's no big deal."

"You're ok now though, right?" he asks, brows furrowed.

"I'm fine, Edward. More than fine. But if you don't get inside me in the next two minutes, I think I'm going to combust."

Smiling that sexy crooked smile, Edward quickly gets up off the bed, picks up his jeans from where he'd left them on the floor earlier and retrieves his wallet from the back pocket. He pulls out a couple of condoms, lays one on the small nightstand and quickly sheaths himself in the other.

"Your wish is my command, my beautiful Bella," he says climbing back on top of me. When he enters me, I feel so full, both literally and figuratively. This is what life is about. _This_ is what I have been waiting to feel.

"God, it's been so long… I'm not gonna last, baby," he grunts before kissing me deeply. I run my hands down that very fine back of his and grasp his ass, pulling him tightly against me. Edward places his hands underneath my shoulders, lifting me up slightly to change the angle.

"That's it," I cry, "Just like that." His movements become more erratic and moments later, we are flying together.

When I come back to earth, I realize that Edward has collapsed on top of me. He leans up on his chin and smiles at me, green eyes staring into my brown ones. "Hi," he says shyly.

"Hi yourself," I giggle.

"I'm gonna go clean up."

I pout as I feel Edward's weight move off of me as he heads to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. When he returns, he turns out the light and climbs into bed, pulling me onto my side so that my head is on his shoulder.

"Any regrets?" he asks, and I hear the nervousness in his voice.

"No regrets… I know this is where I was meant to be," I say quietly. But what the hell am I going to do now?

* * *

**A/N: **I can barely write a 2,500-word chapter, so don't expect a lemon that long. :)


	16. Something Right

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 15_

I am awakened by soft kisses on my back and Edward's rough fingers playing with my nipple while he spoons behind me. When he realizes I'm awake, his hand begins trailing downward, until his fingers are between my legs, drawing small circles that have me writhing in no time. When one long finger pushes inside, I gasp.

I feel Edward's tongue in my ear and suppress a shudder. Two fingers are moving inside me now while his thumb presses down. Too. Much. Sensation.

Moments after I scream out my orgasm, Edward pulls away. I hear the tear of the condom packet before he lifts my left leg and enters me from behind. Our love-making is much slower than last night, but just as powerful. I come again just before Edward pulses inside me and stills.

Edward flops onto his back and I slowly turn over to look at him. God, he's like some kind of statue lying there on the rumpled sheets. He sits up slowly and glances at the clock on the nightstand.

"Shit, I've got a full day of lessons today. As much as I'd love to spend the day in bed with you, I really need to get up."

I watch Edward's tight ass as he walks towards the bathroom and then turns around and smiles at me. "Wanna join me?" he smirks.

As tempting as it is, I don't want to make him late.

"Another time, I promise. I'll make you some breakfast, all right?"

"Sure." He nods and then he's gone.

I clamber out of bed and pick up my clothes from the floor, then open the door a crack to peek out. Seeing the coast is clear, I dart hurriedly out of Edward's room and back to my own.

I decide to take a quick shower to wash the scent of sex off of me before Alice notices. As I stand under the hot spray, my skin is still tingling from Edward's touches. I can hardly believe what I've done. I never thought I'd be that kind of person. I'm ashamed of myself, and yet, I don't think I can stop.

Edward is everything I ever could've wanted in a man, more than I thought existed. I remember he asked me a couple of months back about my ideal man, and I had no answer for him. How did I get to this place in my life without knowing what I really wanted?

I don't quite know how I got here, but my feelings for Edward seem to be speeding quickly to a word that I can't even allow myself to think. Maybe they're already there, and I just can't bring myself to admit it.

_This is stupid_, my subconscious screams as I begin to towel off. Edward is a beautiful amazing man. Even without my baggage, I doubt there could be any real future for us. He's already admitted to staying in a relationship long past its expiration point just for the sex. How could I think that a plain, slightly overweight woman like myself could ever be more than just a fling to him?

Shaking my head to rid it of the negative thoughts, I brush my teeth, dress and run downstairs to start breakfast. It's grocery shopping day, but I am able to find enough ingredients in the pantry and fridge to mix up a batch of pancakes. I spy some frozen blueberries in the freezer and decide on blueberry pancakes.

I am just flipping the first batch when I hear Edward's feet on the stairs. "Ready in a few minutes," I call over my shoulder.

"Good morning again, beautiful," Edward's velvet voice says as his arms wrap around my waist. He pulls my hair off of one shoulder and begins kissing my neck.

"Stop it," I laugh. "You don't want me to burn them, do you? We don't have enough Bisquick to make another batch."

"Mmm… well, if that happens, I'll just have you for breakfast instead."

As tempting as that is, my stomach growls — loudly — and Edward steps back, laughing. "Well, I guess we need to make sure _you_ have real food, anyway."

Checking the bottom of the pancakes, I find they're ready to go. "Hand me a plate, please." I lift the first four pancakes onto Edward's plate and pour the batter for the next four.

Edward and I are halfway through our breakfast when Alice comes through the front door, dragging like she and Jasper didn't get an awful lot of sleep last night.

"Hey Alice," I call.

"Morning, guys. Mmmm… that smells good — are there enough for me?"

"Of course," I smile.

As Alice sits and eats her pancakes, I notice she keeps glancing between Edward and myself. Shit — she doesn't suspect anything, does she?

Alice monopolizes the breakfast conversation, telling us about the movie she and Jasper saw in Port Angeles last night. I try my best to listen to her, but it's tough when Edward is rubbing his bare foot up and down my calf.

"Thanks for the pancakes, Bella," Edward says, standing from the table. "I need to get over to my client's house. I should be back by 6 and maybe we can go out for pizza or something?"

"That sounds great," I say, smiling up at him.

Edward leans down and kisses me quickly on the lips, then heads out of the kitchen. I see Alice's eyebrow rise but I ignore her and turn back to my pancakes, soon hearing the front door close behind Edward.

And interrogation in… 1… 2… 3…

"You two had sex."

I look up in shock. "What?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Miss Swan. You two had sex. In fact, if I weren't sitting here, you'd have been molesting each other at the table." She raises that damn eyebrow again as she finishes.

"Fine — we had sex."

Alice gasps. "Oh my God, I was kidding… I didn't think you'd really gone that far! I want to know everything."

"Again with the being overly invested in my sex life."

"Oh please, I tell you everything."

"Whether I want to hear it or not," I smirk.

"Do you have plans for the day? You're not working, right?" Alice asks.

"No, I'm off, as usual. I was gonna go grocery shopping later, but that's it."

"Then we're going to Port Angeles," she declares, pulling out her cell phone.

I start rinsing the dishes while Alice is on the phone. Clearly, Edward kissing me in front of Alice shows that he doesn't care that she knows about us. But I've never been one to kiss and tell. Of course, who would I tell? Even when Jessica and I were close, I never told her about… my sex life. That just would've been weird.

"It's settled." Alice's voice startles me from my thoughts. "You, me and Rose all have half-day appointments at a day spa in Port Angeles for the pamper-yourself packages."

"Dare I ask what that includes?"

"You know, the usual — mani/pedi, facial, body wrap and waxing. I'm sure you'll want to wax now that you and Edward are having sex."

"Al—Alice!" I sputter. "I keep things, you know, trimmed, but I've never been one to wax." I blush furiously just thinking about it.

"Where have you been, Bella? All the guys prefer a neat surface these days, duh. Did Edward go down on you last night?"

"Alice!"

"Fine, fine… be ready to go in 15 minutes. And you _will_ give me all the deets."

* * *

We arrive in Port Angeles about five minutes early for our appointments. I let Alice drive, hoping she'd be sufficiently distracted to keep from pestering me too much during the hour-long trip, but that didn't stop Rose from asking questions that I refused to answer.

Once we're checked in, I'm called back first for my waxing appointment. I nearly choke when I find out Alice scheduled me for a full Brazilian. And I'm ready to kill her by the time I gingerly walk out of the room.

The facial and the body wrap, on the other hand, are like bliss to me. I used to try to get out to a day spa back home at least every couple of months — I can't believe I haven't had a facial in the last five months. My skin always looks so much brighter afterwards. And I adore mud wraps for cleaning the toxins from my body.

I've almost forgotten about the Brazilian by the time I meet Alice and Rose for our pedicures.

"Well, you look happy," Alice observes.

I smile at her and nod as I position my feet in the warm, bubbling water. "I really enjoyed the facial and mud wrap, thank you. But I am never doing a full Brazilian again."

"I'm telling you, Edward is gonna go nuts for it. You'll change your mind. Now tell me how this happened," she says as the young Asian technician begins working on her feet.

I sigh. I need to at least give the girls something to get them off my back. "He wrote a song for me, Alice."

"What kind of song?"

"It was like a love letter… it was the single most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. How could I resist him anymore?" I wisely leave out the part about running away from Edward at the club.

"Awww… that is so sweet! No one has ever written a song for me," she pouts.

"Me either," Rose pipes up. "That's awesome, Bella."

"He's so talented — I had no idea he could sing, too."

"And what else is he talented at?" Alice asks in a suggestive voice.

I flush — I can't help it.

"Oooh, there ya go! That blush means my guess was correct and Edward is a stud in the bedroom, yeah?" Rose says, wiggling her eyebrows.

"He's an amazing kisser, all right? I feel it down to my toes."

"I'd be surprised if he wasn't — Edward has the nicest lips I've ever seen on a man," Rose points out.

"That he does." I smile just thinking about his kisses last night.

"And how does he measure up?"

I nearly choke. "God, Alice! Do I ask how Jasper measures up?"

"A perfect seven inches," she says with a grin.

Oh my God, will the TMI never end? "Well, I didn't have a ruler or anything, but… more than sufficient."

I laugh as Alice's mouth drops open in her shock that I actually gave her an answer. Rose starts fanning herself as she laughs. The three nail technicians were chatting away to each other in their native language, not appearing to pay any attention to our conversation, but even they are snickering.

"But does he know how to use it?" Alice asks once she's recovered from the shock.

"Oh yes," I reply with a huge grin. "And his fingers, too," I add, wiggling mine for effect.

"Girl, you are one lucky bitch!" Rose says. "Now aren't you sorry you waited so long to give in to him?"

That thought sobers me up.

"I wasted a lot of time," I finally reply.

After our toenails and fingernails are buffed and polished, Alice talks me into a side trip to the lingerie shop we visited back in March. They both insist that since I have a boyfriend now, I need to buy more lacy underwear and some negligees.

"What's Edward's favorite color?" Rose calls as she looks through racks of lingerie.

"Blue," I answer, remembering our long-ago conversation at the deli.

"What do you think of these?" Alice says, holding up a dark blue bra and panty set. "These will look great next to your pale skin."

They really are gorgeous, so I add them to my ever-expanding pile to try on. I try to explain to Alice and Rose that Edward doesn't seem to care what I wear but it's no use.

"You want to drive him wild, don't you?" Alice says, rolling her eyes.

I walk out of the store with three bra and panty sets and two sheer nightgowns that actually make my boobs look pretty good.

* * *

After a trip to the Thriftway back in Forks, I head upstairs for a long shower to wash off any remaining traces of mud and then change into my new underwear. I stare at myself in the mirror for several long minutes. I _look_ the same, but I know that I have been irrevocably changed by the last five months here in Forks.

I know that I have to go home sometime and end this fantasy life that isn't really mine. I'm fully aware that my leaving hurt everyone at home, but now I have a new concern: hurting the new friends that I'll leave behind when I leave Forks — Rose, Jasper, even Emmett and Mrs. Cope. And of course Alice, who in a very short amount of time, has become the best friend I've ever had.

And Edward… I don't even want to think about leaving him, never seeing his smile again, never feeling his touch again. How will he react when I leave? Deep down, I know I'm not just a convenient fuck to him, even though I don't believe he could ever want anything long-term with someone like me.

Since we're just going for pizza, I settle on my one khaki skirt and my dark blue babydoll top, and then head downstairs to wait for Edward in the living room.

I jump up when I hear him at the door and run to him, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him like a starving woman.

"Mmm… a guy could get used to a greeting like that. What have you been doing all day?"

"I went to a day spa in Port Angeles with Alice and Rose. I got my nails done and a facial… you know, girlie stuff."

"And here I thought you were glowing because of me," he pouts.

"Because of you, too," I say, pecking his perfect lips.

At Pacific Pizza, Edward and I are shown to a booth by a pretty young hostess who is eyeing an oblivious Edward with obvious interest. Sitting next to me, he scoots over until our legs are touching and throws his arm around my shoulder.

"If the rest of you is as soft as your arms, I'm not going to be able to control myself tonight," he whispers, running his fingers up and down my arm.

I place my hand on his thigh and slowly rub up and down. "I have a couple surprises for you tonight," I say with a grin. "And no, I'm not going to tell you what they are."

Edward pouts but picks up the menu. I talk him into the Hawaiian pizza but I can tell he's skeptical — until he tries it.

Back at the boarding house, Edward is all over me as soon as we're inside the door.

"Upstairs — now," he orders, pulling his lips away from mine for just a couple seconds.

"A-hem." I hear a throat clearing loudly as we make our way to the stairs.

"Hi, guys." Alice waves from the couch. "Don't mind me," she giggles.

"Hi, Alice."

"Bye, Alice," Edward says with a growl as he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me up the stairs.

"My room," I suggest as we near the top of the stairs — it's further from Alice's.

Once Edward has locked the bedroom door behind us, he sets me back on my feet and quickly yanks my top over my head. "Nice," he says appreciatively as he runs his fingers over the lace of my new bra.

In no time, my skirt joins my top on the floor and then Edward kneels down and hooks his fingers under the waistband of my tiny thong panties, pulling them down slowly. His mouth drops open in surprise when he sees the results of my wax job.

"Please tell me this is the last of your surprises — I don't think my heart can take another one."

I giggle. "Well, there's a new box of condoms on the nightstand, if that counts as a surprise."

"Later," he growls, lifting my right leg over his shoulder and diving in with his talented tongue.

I'll have to thank Alice in the morning.

* * *

**A/N: **Yeah, yeah, I know the waxing thing is Twific cliché.


	17. What I Want Is What I've Got

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 16_

It's the hottest day of the year so far as Edward and I stroll down the beach, my hand held tightly in his. The past two weeks have been amazing. I haven't had this much sex in… well, since ever.

But it's so much more than that. Edward looks at me like I'm the only woman in the world. He's always kissing me, or just trying to touch me in some small way.

Each time we come together, a little voice inside me tries to speak up, telling me what a horrible person I am, how dishonest I am being… And I know that, I do. But I can't bring myself to tell him the truth and end this… whatever it is that we have. Not yet.

"Wanna go for a swim?" Edward's voice brings me out of my memories.

"Sure," I smile.

Slowly but surely, we wade out into the ocean until the water is over my waist. Pulling me close, Edward begins kissing me. "I love this suit," he says, fingering one of the straps.

"It's Rose's — well, she gave it to me the last time we all came to the beach."

"Mmmm… well you look fucking sexy in it."

I giggle… I can't remember ever feeling so sexy before.

When we're exhausted from fighting the waves, we head back to the beach, towel off and reapply sunscreen. Edward leads me to "our" spot where we had that fight last time we came here with the gang and spreads out our towels on the sand. He sits and pulls me down to sit in front of him, my back to his chest, his arms around my waist and chin on my shoulder.

I lean my head back on Edward's shoulder and close my eyes, enjoying the warm August breeze. I just feel so safe in his arms.

"There was a long time when I thought I'd never have happiness like this," he whispers, kissing the side of my neck. "I thought I didn't deserve it."

"Of course you deserve it, Edward," I say passionately.

"But I _killed_ someone."

"It was an accident — you aren't evil." He just hums in response. I wish I could make Edward understand that one mistake doesn't define who he is.

"Tell me about your last ex-boyfriend," he says quietly.

"What?" I ask, shocked by his choice of topic.

"Well, you know about Tanya… I need to know what I have to live up to."

I laugh. "It's no contest, Edward — you'd win every time."

"What was his name?"

I sigh. "His name was Garrett. We met in my sophomore Psychology class and dated for a couple months."

"Your last boyfriend was when you were a sophomore in high school?"

"What? No, of course not — it was my second year of college."

"But I thought you didn't go to college?" he asks, understandably confused.

_Think fast, Bella._ "Um, I said I don't have a degree, but I took a few classes at a local community college. I — I never finished."

"Ah, I see," he replies, kissing just below my ear. "So tell me about Garrett."

I shrug. "Not much to tell. He was cute, very All-American with blond hair and blue eyes. There was just no chemistry between us. And he had a tiny dick," I add with a smirk.

"Really?" he laughs.

"Well, no, not really. But in our handful of fumbled attempts at sex, I think he lasted a maximum of two minutes. When the semester ended, I stopped answering his calls."

Edward squeezes me tighter. "I'm glad," he says quietly. "I'm glad he left you for me."

I turn around and kiss him, pulling away before the kiss can deepen. No way, no how are we having sex out here on the beach.

"Will you tell me about your first?"

"Edward, why do you want to torture yourself with this?"

"I just want to know you, Bella. I want to know everything about you. I feel like you keep so much of yourself locked up inside."

"But it's not a pretty story."

"I want to know the good and the bad," he says gently, dropping small kisses along the side of my neck.

"All right. Um, his name was Leland Winston Stephens — the third."

"Fuck — seriously?" Edward laughs.

"Yes, seriously," I giggle. "He was rich — not that I cared — and popular. Good-looking, starting quarterback on the high school team… I'm sure you know the type."

"I do," he says quietly.

"We'd had classes together since my freshman year in high school, but we never really spoke. I was floored when he came up to me at lunch one day in September of my senior year and asked me out.

"We went out a couple times, went to a couple parties with his friends — who pretty much ignored me — and then he asked me to go to homecoming with him. I'd never gone to a school dance before, and I was thrilled. We couldn't afford to buy me a new $200 dress, but my mom found a nice dress at the Goodwill.

"After the dance, we went to an after-party. Lee gave me a beer and asked me to go upstairs with him. I knew what that meant, but I was ready. So… yeah, I lost my virginity to him. It hurt and was over in about a minute," I reminisce.

"We had bad, teenage sex a couple more times in the next few weeks, and then Lee asked me to come over after school one day to help him with his homework. When I got there, he asked me to write his English term paper for him. Turns out, he was only dating me because I was an honor student and he needed the help to get into the college his parents had picked out for him."

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry," Edward says, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

"Wait — there's more. I said I'd help him study, but I wouldn't cheat. He got angry and broke up with me. Within a day or two, one of my friends at school told me there was a rumor going around about me — Lee had told his friends that I was a bad lay. I was humiliated. I couldn't wait for graduation so I could be away from all those people."

"Bella, I'm so sorry you went through that. That guy — Leland whatever — was a jerk."

"I know," I say, turning around and cupping Edward's beautiful face. "It was a long time ago; I hardly think about him now. My bad experiences make me even more glad that I've found you."

He kisses me gently, caressing my face. "I suppose I owe you my story now, eh?"

"Only if you want to tell me," I say, kissing his pouty lips gently.

"Well," he begins, "I think I was a lot like Leland. I mean, everyone knew my dad was a doctor, that we had money. I played baseball, not football, but I was usually recognized as the best player on the team."

"And you're hot," I say with a giggle.

"I don't know… I guess. Mom — Esme — always told me I was handsome."

"I bet the girls flocked to you," I comment.

"They did, yeah," he says with a shy smile. "But it was hard trying to separate out the ones who were genuine from those that were just interested in my parents' money."

"I can imagine," I say, turning back around so I can snuggle into his chest.

"My first girlfriend was my junior year — a foreign exchange student named Siobhan. She was from Ireland, petite with reddish-blonde hair. We ended up being lab partners in Biology. She was flirting with me from the very first day. I figured since she couldn't possibly have learned about my family's money already, I could trust her. We were each other's firsts and pretty much inseparable for months.

"Siobhan had the opportunity to stay in Forks for another year, but instead, she said she wanted to go somewhere warmer — Florida or something. I begged her to reconsider, but her mind was made up. She said I was a 'nice distraction' but not enough to make her stay."

"Oh, Edward…"

"It's fine." He shrugs. "I got over her, but I didn't date again for the rest of high school.

"Once I was in college, and no one knew about my dad's job, I wasn't as leery of anyone who paid attention to me. I wasn't a manwhore or anything, but I dated my fair share of girls. I just didn't really click with anyone… I think my longest 'relationship' was two months.

"And then I got arrested… which pretty much stopped anyone from approaching me."

Hearing the pain in his voice, I turn around and kiss him. When Edward opens his mouth, I take the opportunity and our tongues tangle together for a few minutes, before Edward lays me down on the towels and leans over me.

I wrap my legs around Edward's hips to pull him closer and feel his very hard erection hitting just where I want it.

"God, I'm gonna come in my pants if we don't stop," he pants. "Or I could take them off," he adds, waggling his eyebrows.

I laugh… the thought of sand getting in every little place _down there_? No way. Reluctantly, I sit up, pecking his lips one more time. "I'm not having sex out here on the beach."

Edward quickly stands and holds his hand out to help me up. "Then we're going home — now."

We hurriedly pick up and fold the towels then run back towards the car… well, as fast as you can run on sand, anyway.

When we reach the Volvo, Edward grabs the towels from my hands, sets them on the roof and pushes me against the side of the car, kissing me furiously as he thrusts his arousal into my stomach.

"What brought this on?" I ask when he finally pulls away from my mouth.

"Watching your tits bounce as you ran," he says with a wink. He reaches down and opens the back door. "Get in — there's no way I'm waiting a half hour until we get home."

I giggle, but the look on Edward's face tells me he's serious. I haven't had sex in the backseat of a car since I was 17 years old. With a grin, I grab the towels and scramble inside, lying on my back across the gray leather seat.

Within seconds, Edward has his long, lean body inside the car and the door closed behind him. He quickly reaches down and lifts the top of my bathing suit, pulling it over my head.

I gasp when his hot mouth envelops my breast, cool from being covered by my damp swimsuit for the last hour. Reaching down, I hook my fingers under the waistband of Edward's suit and yank it down past his hips. He manages to get it down the rest of the way, then turns to my suit bottoms.

Edward's lips return to mine as he lines up our bodies.

"Wait—" I stop him. "There's pretty good headroom back here — maybe this would work better with me on top."

Edward agrees and rolls off of me as we attempt to switch places in the limited space. Eventually he lies sprawled across the seat with his left leg bent at the knee and right leg on the floor. I crawl over him and sink down on him with little warning.

I brace myself on Edward's shoulders as I move slowly, not wanting this to be over too soon. Edward reaches up and takes one nipple in his mouth as he slowly thrusts up into me.

Before long, our movements quicken. I feel so wanton doing this where anyone could see us. I've never done anything like this before. Noticing the windows are cracked, I try to keep my moans to a minimum so as not to draw attention.

"Are you close?" Edward grunts.

I can only nod as he reaches down to where we are joined, trying to ensure that I fall off the ledge before he does. When my orgasm hits, I cry out loudly and stop moving. Edward grabs my hips and thrusts up quickly once, twice, three more times before he releases inside me.

When I return to full awareness, I am sprawled across Edward's chest with his arms holding me tightly to him. "Wow," I say, still shaky.

"Yeah, wow." He looks up at me with such adoration in his eyes, I have to fight to keep from crying. He can't fall for me — he can't.

Slowly, I sit up and he slips out of me. I reach for one of the towels on the floor and quickly clean up, then attempt to get re-dressed, as Edward does the same.

Once we're presentable, we get out of the backseat and resituate ourselves in the front. Edward looks over at me with lust in his eyes. "Shower, your room."

I can hardly wait.

* * *

**A/N: **Edward has no more secrets. If you have any questions on him, feel free to review and ask!


	18. Dreams Come True

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 17_

My arms give out and I fall to my elbows as Edward continues his relentless pounding behind me. I let out a long moan as the change in angle has him hitting in exactly… the… right… spot.

"Oh God," I scream as my orgasm rumbles through me. My chest falls to the bed and Edward thrusts erratically a few more times before he, too, reaches his climax.

I collapse face down onto the bed as Edward pulls out from me. I can barely hear the splat of the condom hitting the trash can over my loud, panting breaths.

"You're gonna kill me, woman," Edward says breathlessly as his arm curls around my back, encouraging me to lie against him.

"Me? What about you? I'm lucky if I'll be able to walk straight tomorrow," I giggle.

Edward leans down and kisses me tenderly. "I'll give you a massage later," he promises.

"Yes, please." Anything to have his hands all over me.

As my breathing slows, I unconsciously trace circles with my fingers on Edward's taut stomach, until he pulls my hand away. "If you're not ready for another round, you'd better stop that."

I smile and bury my face into his chest. God, I could stay like this forever.

I'm nearly asleep when Edward's voice reaches through the fog.

"Bella?" he whispers.

"Hmmm?"

"What do you want to do with your life? I mean, I'm sure you don't want to wait tables at The Lodge forever."

My brow furrows. "No, I don't."

"What were your dreams when you were growing up? What did you want to be?"

I sit up, pulling the blanket up over my chest.

"I don't really know," I shrug. "My parents… they pushed me a lot as a teenager, pushed me to try to make something of myself, to become more successful than they were. But it was hard to separate their dreams for me from my own dreams, you know?"

"But don't you remember ever wanting to be anything?"

"Well, sure… I remember that when I was 12, I wanted to be the first woman president of the United States," I laugh. "But since I hate politics, that isn't exactly a realistic dream."

"What about now? Would you like to finish your degree? If you could study anything in the world, what would it be?"

"Hmmm… my mom took me to a spa for my sixteenth birthday, and I've always been fascinated by what a massage therapist can do, manipulating the muscles… But that's not necessarily a career choice."

"Well, it could be… at long as you only practice on women. I can't have my woman touching random guys all day," he says, tapping my nose with one long finger.

"Your woman, huh?" I grin, leaning down and kissing his soft lips.

"Yes, my woman."

I melt when he smiles that gorgeous smile at me… who knew Possessive Edward could be so hot?

"What about you? I know you told me once that you wanted to be a concert pianist."

"Yeah, but that's kind of out of the question now. I'm not nearly as good as I was before I was unable to practice for three and a half years." He frowns and I just want to wipe that look off his beautiful face.

"A rock star then?" I grin at him. "You're so talented, Edward… the way you play, the way you sing, and the music you write is straight from the heart."

"No, definitely not a rock star. I wouldn't want any career that would take me away from you. I think I prefer composing these days to being on stage, anyway."

"You should go for it then, Edward. Record some of your songs and send them off to… I don't know, people. I don't know much about the music business, but I'm sure others would be interested in the things you write."

"Maybe," he smiles shyly. "You really like my stuff?"

"I really like everything about you," I say, settling back into his side.

* * *

When my shift at The Lodge ends the next day, Edward and I head to Port Angeles to have dinner with his parents at Bella Italia, where I had lunch with Alice ages ago. Edward explains that Dr. Cullen had been attending a medical conference in Los Angeles for the past week and his mom went along for the opportunity at a holiday. They just flew back into SeaTac this afternoon and are making their way back to Forks.

I can't deny that I'm nervous about this meeting. Edward's parents don't know about us yet. When they find out, I'm not sure how they'll react. What if Esme can see right through me? I know that's irrational, but I can't stop the fear from bubbling up as we pull into a parking space. Meeting the parents seems so… serious.

"Are you ready, Bella?" Edward asks as he walks around the car to open my door.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I try to smile, but it probably looks more like a grimace.

We spot Edward's parents quickly after walking into the restaurant. Waving off the hostess, we cross the room until we come to the booth where the couple is seated.

"Hey Mom, hey Dad," Edward says as he stands back to allow me to slide into the booth before leaning down and kissing his mom on the cheek.

"Bella, it's so nice to see you again," Esme says kindly. "Edward didn't tell us you were coming."

"Nice to see you, too — how was LA?"

"Oh, it was great… sunny and so much warmer than Forks. The conference was being held at a hotel in Santa Monica, walking distance from the beach."

"Sounds lovely," I smile.

"Have you eaten here before, Bella?" Carlisle asks. "This is Esme's and my favorite restaurant in Port Angeles."

"I have, once — with Alice," I nod. "I got the mushroom ravioli and it was delicious."

Edward just shakes his head. "You and your vegetarian tendencies."

"Hey," I jab him in the ribs with my elbow. "I like meat, too… but I know it's not good for you to eat too much of it."

When our waiter comes, I order the smoked salmon fettuccine, which somewhat appeases Edward, who orders the veal marsala.

"How was the conference, Dad?" Edward asks, once the waiter leaves with our menus.

"It was great… there are a lot of exciting new advances in medicine. I'm anxious to bring some of these new techniques back to Forks.

"What I enjoyed even more though was the chance to catch up with one of my best friends from med school, Dr. William Cheney. His son Ben is living in LA, and Esme and I had dinner with the whole family one night."

"That's awesome," I say. "It's fun running into people you haven't seen in a while."

"Yes, it was a great night," Esme says. "Ben is a screenwriter, and he finally had one of his scripts chosen to be made into a movie. He was so excited; it was a bit of a celebration dinner before the hard work begins, finding a director who can make his vision come alive."

A semi-crazy idea jumps into my head. "Edward, maybe you should talk to Ben?"

"About what?" he asks, confused.

"Well, all movies need a score, right? That's something you could do. I love your classical piano compositions."

"That's a great idea, Bella," Esme says, smiling at me. "Carlisle, maybe you could talk to William and get Ben's number for Edward?"

"What do you think, Edward?" Carlisle asks. "I don't mind reaching out if it's something you think you might be interested in."

"Can't hurt to try," he shrugs. "But don't get your hopes up. My style may not be a good fit for his movie at all."

"I'm sure he'll love your songs," I say, rubbing Edward's thigh.

He smiles that beautiful crooked smile at me before leaning over and kissing me softly.

"Well, well, well — when did this happen?" Carlisle asks with a wink.

"A few weeks ago," Edward says with a shrug.

"And you're just now telling us?" Esme asks.

"Well… you guys have been out of town for a week."

"Edward," Esme admonishes. "This is such great news, I would've loved to celebrate it with you."

"Well, you are… tonight," he replies sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Mom — I just wanted to keep Bella all to myself for a few weeks, before you two scared her off."

"Oh, we would do no such thing," Esme replies. "I'm so happy for the two of you. You both deserve happiness."

"Thank you, Esme," I say sincerely. "Your son makes me very happy."

* * *

As we eat our delicious meals, Edward tells his parents about the open mic nights he's been playing in Port Angeles. Tonight will be the first time I've come along to hear him play again since we got together. After much begging and pleading from Esme, Carlisle agrees that they will come to Breaking Dawn to watch with me.

Arriving at the club, we're able to grab a table near the front. Edward sits with us until it's time for him to go on stage.

"Wait until you hear him, Esme. He's amazing."

"Well, I've certainly heard Edward play guitar before, but I've never heard him sing. I'm looking forward to it."

Once the emcee welcomes Edward to the stage, we all stand and applaud. Carlisle whistles loudly until everyone around us is laughing.

"Thanks, everyone," Edward says once the crowd quiets down. "I want to give a shout-out tonight to three people in the audience who are very special to me. First, to my parents, Esme and Carlisle Cullen, who took a big chance on adopting a sullen five-year-old boy over 20 years ago."

I can hear a collective gasp in the audience at the revelation — everyone who has heard Edward sing before now realizes it was his own story in his lyrics.

"And last, to my beautiful girlfriend, Bella. When I met her, I was still sullen and moody — emo, she used to call me — and unable to trust anyone. Bella was able to look past some pretty horrible things in my past and give me a chance. I'll be forever grateful to her."

When Edward begins to play, I'm just as taken with him as I was four weeks ago. He's truly an amazing musician. I've never heard anyone who can play the contents of their heart like that. When he gets to my song, it's all I can do to keep the tears at bay. Listening to him pour his heart out like that, I fall even more in love with him—

_Wait, Bella. You love him… oh God…_

Esme is crying by the time Edward's short set is finished. When he leaves the stage to rejoin us, she stands and hugs him tightly before passing him over to his father. Once they let him go, Edward turns to me, kissing me passionately. I'm a little embarrassed at the display in front of his parents, smiling sheepishly at them once he lets me go.

Having had a long day of traveling, Edward's parents say their goodnights then and leave us. Edward asks me if I'm ok to stick around and hear the next couple of singers, and I agree.

"Want to see backstage?" he asks once the emcee announces a short break in the acts.

"Sure," I shrug, standing up to follow him through the door at the side of the stage, still a little freaked out by my epiphany.

Edward leads me down a short hallway to a door marked "Artists." He opens the door to a small room with an old couch and a small round table with one chair.

"Nice," I reply with a smirk.

"So it's not exactly the Ritz, but it's a nice place to chill. I usually wait back here until it's my turn. I don't really like the atmosphere out front."

"With all the drinking?"

"Yeah," he replies quietly, before he shakes his head as if to get rid of the pessimistic thoughts.

"Do you know what every musician's fantasy is?" he asks suggestively, running one lone finger down my arm.

"No, but I bet you're going to tell me."

"Every musician," he whispers in my ear, "Dreams of" —kiss— "a blow job" —kiss— "before he goes on stage."

"You've already had your turn on stage tonight."

"Semantics," he replies with a wink.

I throw my arms around Edward's neck and kiss him deeply until I feel his erection hard against me, then pull away and grab his hand, walking backwards towards the couch. Sitting, I work the buttons on his jeans then reach inside, pulling his long thick length out of his boxers.

"God, you'd better not be teasing me… I didn't think you'd really do it."

"I want to make all your dreams comes true, Edward," I whisper before leaning over and taking him in my mouth.

* * *

**A/N: **Uh-oh, Bella's had an epiphany! And what do you think of a possible career for Edward?


	19. Can't Lose What You Never Had

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

* * *

_Chapter 18_

"Edward, Bella, I'm so glad you could join us," Carlisle greets us with a smile.

"Of course," Edward replies as he shakes his father's hand. "Bella has to go in to work later, so she needs to leave early, but we wouldn't miss the biggest party in town." It's the Cullens' annual Labor Day bash — somewhat of a tradition in Forks, Edward tells me.

"I hear you're a grilling champion, Carlisle," I say with a knowing wink.

Carlisle laughs. "Ignore my son's sarcasm… the caterers are working the grill — as usual."

After chatting with several of Dr. Cullen's colleagues, Edward and I make our way over to the long table where the caterers have set up and begin piling food onto our plates. Edward rolls his eyes when I choose a veggie burger, along with potato salad and baked beans. After grabbing cold drinks from a large bucket filled with ice, we find a shady place — not too difficult with all of the large trees surrounding us — to stand and eat.

As we eat, I look around the Cullens' large backyard from our place in the shade. Edward told me that Carlisle invites everyone from the hospital, but it almost feels like there are as many people here as there were in the park on the Fourth of July. I was actually a little nervous that some of the guests would be staring at Edward, gossiping about him like that evening at The Lodge, but I haven't noticed anything like that. I guess everyone is too polite to gossip about their hosts' son — at least until after they leave the party.

"So many people," I remark quietly.

"Yeah," Edward replies. "Better hope no one gets sick, because I think the entire hospital staff is here."

"How long have your parents been throwing this party?"

"Hmmm… maybe 12 years now? It wasn't always this big, though. I think initially Dad would invite just the doctors, and Mom used to try to handle all of the cooking herself. But they've had it catered for several years now."

"That's a great idea. Trying to manage something like this yourself is just… far too much work."

Edward looks at me curiously. "You almost sound like you're speaking from experience."

"Edward!" an ear-splittingly high-pitched voice calls just as we set down our now-empty plates, saving me from having to lie my way out of my goof.

I look up to see a gorgeous blonde woman approaching us, ample cleavage spilling out of her low-cut top. In her tiny shorts, her tanned legs look a mile long. Her red-tipped fingers reach out and brush against Edward's arm. "I haven't seen you in ages," she coos.

"Heidi," Edward nods. "I need to introduce you to someone. This is my girlfriend, Bella," he says, putting his arm around me possessively.

Heidi looks me up and down before saying sweetly, "It's so nice to meet you, Becca." I recognize the look on her face — she clearly thinks Edward is out of my league. Of course, she's right, I think, glancing down at my baggy t-shirt and red shorts.

"Please excuse us, Heidi. We need to help my dad with something," Edward says, before grasping my elbow and dragging me away from her.

"Please tell me you haven't slept with her," I say once we're out of her hearing range.

"What? God no," Edward replies, shaking his head. He sighs and explains, "Heidi is a nurse at the hospital. She was all over me at last year's party after I moved back to Forks. She gave me her phone number, but I never called."

"She's beautiful," I say quietly.

"Sure," Edward shrugs. "I don't know, it just would've been awkward, given that she works with my dad. Besides — I gave up on blondes, remember? It wasn't just a line when I told you that."

I can't help grinning. "We don't really need to help your dad, do we?"

Edward laughs. "No, that was just the first thing I thought of to get you away from Heidi before you started clawing her eyes out. I only have eyes for you — you know that, right?"

I lean up and softly touch Edward's perfect lips with my own. "How do you always know the right thing to say?"

He shrugs. "It's the truth. You're beautiful, without needing a spray-on tan and gobs of make-up."

Standing on my tiptoes, I kiss Edward again as a thank you for his sweet words. As he deepens the kiss, I try to pull away since there are so many people around, but he holds me tightly around the waist and begins kissing my neck, as his hands wander under the edge of my t-shirt.

A throat clearing behind me interrupts us and we reluctantly pull apart.

"Edward," Carlisle begins with a grin on his face, "This is Dr. Gerandy. He wanted to talk to you about piano lessons for his daughter."

I take the opportunity to go inside the house and use the bathroom. On my way back through the kitchen, Esme stops me. "Oh Bella, could you come help me with the pies?"

"Of course. You know, I would've been happy to help you with the baking," I add as I follow her outside to one of the long tables.

"Oh, it's fine, dear. Shhhh… I didn't make them — I bought the pies from a bakery up in Port Angeles. I just need some help getting them sliced and onto the plates," she says, handing me a large knife and pie server.

"Mmm… chocolate cream pie, right?" I nearly drool as I cut into the first pie and lift up a piece.

"Yep," Esme laughs. "It's Carlisle's favorite. There's also coconut cream, blackberry, cherry and apple."

"They all sound so good," I laugh. "Can I have a slice of each?"

"You know," Esme begins as we continue to cut the pies, "I don't know if I've ever seen Edward as happy as he has seemed these last few weeks. Even back before… well, before the accident — he was always such a quiet boy, so much on his mind weighing him down. But then his life changed permanently six years ago, and I thought I'd never see my son smile again. Thank you, Bella — for bringing my son back to us."

"You don't have to thank me," I say quietly. "Edward is an amazing person. I feel honored every day that we spend together."

Esme's kind words tear at my heart, and I have to fight to keep it together as I finish lifting the wedges of pie onto the plates.

Once we're finished, Esme heads over to a large gathering of Carlisle's colleagues to let them know that the pies are now available. Esme's words keep running over and over through my mind, and I've got to get out of here before I break down in front of everyone.

I notice what looks like a trail through the trees at the back edge of the grass and quickly make my way towards it, weaving through the various groups of people scattered across the lawn. I follow the trail for a couple minutes until it ends on the edge of the river.

A fallen tree lies a few feet from the water's edge. I sit on the large log and bury my face in my hands.

Esme's words really struck me — "his life changed permanently six years ago," she said. It never occurred to me before, but six years ago was a real turning point for me, too. If I really think about it, that was the beginning of the journey that brought me here to Forks.

And every day that I continue to spend in Forks is only hurting myself, as well as everyone that I care about, just that little bit more. My family, of course. My guilt over what I've done to them is starting to bury me alive. I could only stick my head in the sand for so long.

But I'm also hurting Edward the longer I stay. If his feelings for me are growing, as I fear they are, it'll only hurt him more when I leave. Why oh why didn't he listen to me on the Fourth of July when I told him that it wasn't fair to start something with him in case I didn't stick around? Why did he have to keep _pushing_?

_Stop it, Bella_ — Edward is the last person who deserves any blame in this mess.

It's been just over six months since I drove onto that freeway. I didn't have any kind of plan, but even in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd be gone for this long. I guess I figured I'd go home once I felt like I was no longer on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'm not quite sure when I passed that point, but it was months ago, I know that much.

I remember shopping with Alice, thinking that I probably wouldn't still be here once summer started, yet here I am, still in Forks as summer _ends_. I have to go back and face the utter mess I've made of my life.

But before I do that, I need to tell Edward the truth. I should've told him months ago.

He'll hate me; I know he will. How could he not? I've been so dishonest with him. He didn't deserve that. He _doesn't_ deserve that.

Maybe, maybe, maybe… I can explain myself to him, make him understand _why_ I did what I did. I can't justify it, I know I can't, but maybe I can make him comprehend my desperation. Please God, help me find the words to tell him.

I stand and begin pacing back and forth along the riverbank. It's not fair. How could I find Edward and have to give him up? Why did fate bring me to Forks if it wasn't for Edward?

There can't be any kind of future for us, realistically I know that. I don't see any way it could work, even if Edward does forgive me. In the beginning, I truly believed this was just a fling for him, even if my feelings ran deeper, but I'm realizing now that I may have underestimated his feelings for me.

The way he proudly introduces me to others as his girlfriend. The way he stares at me sometimes, when he thinks I'm not looking. The way he touches me, so reverently. The way he makes love to me.

I've got to put an end to things before it's too late, before he falls in love with me.

But not today, I think as I sit back down on the log. Selfishly, I just need a little more time. Time to figure out how to tell Edward. Time to prepare myself to live the rest of my life without him.

Maybe next week? After my birthday? I haven't told anyone in Forks that it's coming up, as I've never liked a big celebration on my birthday. All I want this year is to spend the day in Edward's arms. Let me live the fantasy just a little longer, before reality kicks sand in my face.

And then I'll find the right time to tell him everything. _I will_, I vow.

Drying my tears, I look down at my watch. Shit, I've got to leave soon or I'll be late for my shift at The Lodge.

I begin making my way back through the trees until I hear the sounds of the party. As I walk across the yard, I look around for Edward, finally spotting him standing with his dad. Taking a deep breath, I make my way over to them.

"Hey, Bella," Edward smiles when I reach him. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, uh, I was just exploring the forest. I found the river and must've lost track of time. I need to leave for my shift pretty soon." I frown.

"Bella, I'm so glad you could make it, at least for a while," Carlisle says. "I hope you had a good time?"

"I did, it was a great party," I smile. "Thank you for having me."

"Of course, you're my son's girlfriend. Please excuse me for a moment — I've been meaning to talk to Dr. Michaels all day and I just spotted him over there by the pies."

Once Carlisle walks away, Edward pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. "Are you ok?" he asks, stroking my cheek once he pulls away.

"I'm fine," I reply with a small smile.

"You look like you've been crying."

"Sorry, I'm just… hormonal, I guess," I say with a shrug.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry if this is a little short. I do not possess the ability to write 5,000 words of inner monologue. :)


	20. Tell Me It's Love

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Updates have been so slow this week that I thought I'd start updating more often as we move to the climax of the story. If you haven't read Chapter 18, which I posted on Thursday, please make sure to read that one first.

* * *

_Chapter 19_

I've always felt that the key to a successful relationship is compromise.

Case in point: For the first part of my date tonight with Edward, I agreed to dinner at a new gourmet burger place on the east side of Port Angeles. And Edward? Well, he agreed to let me choose the movie we're going to see afterward.

Of course, he's been doing nothing but whining since I told him I wanted to see the latest chick flick starring Anne Hathaway.

"Seriously, Bella? A chick flick?"

"No complaints while you're busy eating a half pound of… dead cow."

"Oh please, you like burgers, too."

"Yeah, on Memorial Day, Fourth of July and Labor Day — the grilling holidays."

Edward rolls his eyes and makes a face. "And you had a garden burger at my parents' party last weekend. What difference does it make _when_ you eat burgers, anyway?"

"I don't know… there's just a difference."

"But you have to admit — it's pretty good, right?"

"It is pretty good; I love the pub cheese."

He laughs. "You sure do — you've got it all over your chin."

"Oh my God, really?" I ask while frantically wiping at my chin with a napkin.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding… " he laughs again before leaning over and kissing me sweetly. "Mmmm… you taste like dead cow."

"Are you finished?" I ask.

"Yeah, I don't think I can eat any more of these fries."

"Me neither. So come on, get up, you don't want be late for the movie, do you?"

"Well, actually… "

"Edward!"

"Fine, fine… getting up."

Fifteen minutes later, Edward parks his car in front of Port Angeles' only multi-plex theater. Holding hands as we walk inside, Edward pays for our tickets and then leads me to the food counter.

"Do you want your own popcorn, or do you want to share mine?"

"You're seriously hungry for popcorn?"

"Well, no, not yet — but I need something to keep myself entertained during the movie. Throwing popcorn down your shirt should be just the thing," he says with a decidedly evil grin.

"I'll share yours," I reply, rolling my eyes. I think Edward has been spending too much time with Emmett at the gym.

Not that that's a bad thing — quite the opposite, really. Edward has changed a lot since I first met him. I know that the accident changed him irrevocably, and he'll never be the same person he was before, but it's good to see him trying to live his life to the fullest again.

Armed with two Cokes and a large bucket of popcorn, Edward leads the way to a seat towards the back of the theater.

"All the way back here?" I ask.

"Of course… I want to be able to molest my girlfriend during the movie." That crooked smile will ensure he gets his way, too.

As the lights darken, Edward flips up the arm rest and puts his arm around me, holding me close to him as he kisses my temple. I sigh, loving the feel of being in his arms. It's Friday night, and my birthday is in only four more days. I know that time is running out and this is likely my last weekend with Edward.

It's difficult trying to watch the movie while Edward's left arm is around my shoulders and right hand makes a continual circuit up and down my thigh. Why the hell did I wear a skirt for this date again?

By the last half hour, Edward has progressed to kissing and nuzzling my neck, while his fingers creep closer and closer to my lacy thong panties. When he finally touches me right where I want him, I gasp and nearly jump out of my seat.

"Shhh," he whispers in my ear, "Some people are trying to watch the movie."

I glare over at him, but he just looks back at me innocently while one finger creeps under the edge of my panties and begins stroking me. Good lord, he's going to make me come in the middle of a movie theater.

When he notices me getting close, Edward pulls my face over to his and kisses me deeply, smothering my moans. As I stop shuddering, he pulls his hand out of my panties and licks his fingers clean, grinning at me.

I totally missed the last ten minutes of the movie.

Needing the bathroom after all of the caffeine I've had tonight, I leave Edward outside the door marked 'MEN' while I wait in line for the ladies room. I stare at my face in the mirror as I wash my hands afterward — my skin is flushed and there are beads of sweat along my temple — I look freshly fucked.

When I walk back out into the lobby, Edward is leaning against the wall holding his cell phone, with a frown on his face.

"What wrong, Edward?" I ask as I walk up to him.

"It's just… weird."

"What is?"

"I've got six missed calls and a text from Mom asking me to call her."

That is weird. "You don't think something's wrong, do you?"

"I don't know, but I'm gonna try to give her a call, see if she's still awake. She tried to call just after 10, so less than an hour ago."

As we walk outside into the cool night air, Edward dials his mom and waits anxiously for her to pick up.

"Hey, Mom, sorry I just got your text and saw the missed calls. I was at a movie with Bella, so my phone was off. Is something wrong?

"Yeah, Bella's right here, why? Do you want to talk to her?… What's going on, Mom?"

I wait patiently, trying to follow their conversation.

"You called me six times over a TV show?

"Tomorrow?… Um, I guess, yeah. I think I have lessons until around 4, but I'm free after that until Bella's shift is over."

He turns to me then. "What time will you be home tomorrow?"

"My shift is over at 8," I reply.

He nods and turns back to his phone. "I'm free from 4 to 8 tomorrow, so I'll stop by sometime between then, ok?… Ok, see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye."

Edward shoves his phone back in his pocket, his brow still furrowed.

"What's going on? Something about a TV show?"

"Yeah… some report on _Dateline_ tonight that Mom thinks I need to see. She was acting really weird."

"But nothing's wrong?" I ask tentatively.

"No, she said she and Dad are fine. Anyway — I'll go over and see what she wants tomorrow. The rest of tonight is all about you."

Hand in hand, we head back to the Volvo for the ride home. I pester Edward to play a CD he made last week, recording some of his music to send off to Ben Cheney. He says he hates listening to himself play, but I figure that he owes me this one, since he molested me in the middle of a room full of people.

* * *

When we reach the boarding house, the first thing I notice is the absence of Alice's yellow Beetle. She spends the night with Jasper so often that I don't know why she doesn't just move in with him. All is quiet inside after I open the front door with my key. We head upstairs and straight for my room.

Edward follows me into my room and immediately spins me around and presses me into the door, capturing my lips between his.

"You can't imagine what it did to me," he whispers, "Watching you get off on my fingers with all those people around."

"I can feel what it did to you," I reply, reaching out to palm him through his jeans.

My boldness spurs him on, and he quickly tugs up on the bottom of my top. I raise my arms so that he can pull it over my head. Expertly, he unhooks my bra behind my back and I watch it fall to the floor.

I try to sneak around him and make my way over to the bed, but Edward shakes his head.

"I want you here."

"Here? But — someone might hear."

"Alice isn't home," he says while palming my left breast with his large hand and nibbling at my jaw.

"But Mrs. Cope—"

"Is probably asleep. Besides, her bedroom is in the addition off the back of the house… She'll never be able to hear us."

Before I can think of another reason why not to do this, Edward has his t-shirt off and is halfway to removing his jeans. Once he's naked, he unzips my khaki skirt, pulling it and my panties down in one swoop. Stepping out of them, I reach up to Edward and pull his mouth down to mine for a passionate kiss.

Edward picks me up under my backside, pulling me closer against him, as I wrap my legs around his waist. He's fully sheathed inside me with one thrust, and I can't help crying out.

My back pressed against the door, Edward moves at a furious pace, bringing me close to a climax faster than I thought possible. When he holds me up higher so that he can reach one of my nipples with his mouth, I come hard, screaming out his name.

Seconds later, Edward follows me into oblivion and then stills, his forehead pressed tightly against mine.

"God, I love you," he pants.

He… what?

"Oh fuck," he laughs. "Did I just tell you I love you for the first time while my cock is still inside you?"

"Um, yeah, I think you did," I reply, still in shock.

Chagrined, Edward winks at me and slowly pulls out, then lowers me to the ground.

"Um, I'll be right back, I'm just gonna… yeah," I say as I run to the bathroom.

After cleaning up, I stand there staring at myself in the mirror. Edward just said he loves me. This is bad, this is so bad… My past life is not going to just go away. Last weekend, I came to the conclusion that one day soon I'll have to leave Forks, and if Edward really loves me, it'll break his beautiful heart to lose me.

_Oh God, how did I let this happen_, I think as I bury my face in my hands.

"Bella?" Edward calls as he knocks lightly on the door. "Are you ok in there?"

"I'm fine," I reply. "Be out in a minute."

Staring at my reflection again, memories from the past seven weeks — the past six months — come flooding back to me. My time here in Forks, and especially my time with Edward, has been without a doubt the best time of my life. These people here accept me as I am, without trying to change me or push me into something I don't want — well, besides the clothes Alice forces on me.

And Edward makes me feel so special, like I make his life so much brighter just by being in it. I know I feel the same way about him.

God help me, I love him, too. There's no denying it now.

When I come back out into the bedroom, Edward is sitting up on my bed, motioning for me to join him. I slowly cross the room and climb in next to him.

"Let me try this again," he says quietly, holding my hand. "Bella Swan, I love you so much. I've known that I'm in love with you for weeks now, but I was too afraid to say anything. I wasn't ready yet to make myself so vulnerable. But I can't hold it in any longer. I love you, and I promise to love you every single day of forever."

Tears fall silently down my face as I listen to his words.

"I love you, too," I manage to say as he tenderly wipes my tears away. "No matter what happens, I will always love you."

"Bella, sweetheart, nothing is going to happen. I promise to stay right here by your side and keep you safe. I love you."

When he kisses me, so softly and tenderly compared to our frantic coupling only ten minutes ago, the tears fall even faster until I have to pull away from his amazing lips.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I shake my head. If only I could bring myself to tell him the truth, as I should have months ago. But how can I do it now?

"Happy tears. I know it's silly…"

"It's not silly," he says, stroking my cheek. "I think human beings are so lucky to find a once-in-a-lifetime love like this. It's like a gift to us for all the shit we have to put up with in our lives. I will cherish you for the rest of my life, Bella."

I throw myself at him then, crawling into his lap and kissing him as if it's the last time. When Edward flips me over and climbs on top of me, I welcome his body into mine openly, praying that I haven't just made the biggest mistake of my life.

* * *

**A/N: **So… what do we think Edward's mom could need to show him?


	21. Hit You With The Real Thing

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

This was actually the very first chapter I wrote for this story, about five months ago. I'm just gonna leave this here and go hide at the office for the rest of the day…

* * *

_Chapter 20_

I arrive home from work just after 8pm, exhausted from a long day on my feet, and am surprised to see Edward sitting on the couch in the living room, his head in his hands.

"Edward?"

He looks up at me and the first thing I notice is the tear stains running down his cheeks.

"Edward, what's wrong? Did something happen? Is someone hurt?" I ask frantically.

He stands and walks towards me… close, closer, almost intimidating he is so close.

"Who are you? What is your name?" he asks, teeth clenched, green eyes glaring down at me.

"My name? What's this about, Edward?" Edward gives me nothing but a blank stare, and so I continue, "My name is Bella — Isabella Swan. You know this."

"That's your real name?" he asks.

"Yes! Would you like to see my birth certificate?"

"Tell me — who then is Isabella Newton, 32-year-old wife and mother of three from Illinois? Funny she seems to look exactly like you," he seethes.

My heart skips a beat and my knees buckle; I nearly fall before Edward reaches out and catches me.

"Edward," I whisper, "Please just let me explain. Please," I beg.

Edward removes his hands as soon as I am steady. "Fine," he sighs. "But I want the whole story — no more lies." He runs his hands through his hair roughly before continuing, "Mrs. Cope is still out with her son and Alice is in Port Angeles with Jasper. We have the place to ourselves, for a little while at least."

I shakily move to sit on the long side of the sectional sofa, while Edward sits on the short side several feet away from me.

"I have no idea if anything you have ever said to me is a lie or the truth," he begins, green eyes staring into my own. "Was Phoenix just a cover story?"

My heart clenches at the pain in his voice. I never, ever meant for him to find out like this. Wait, how did he find out, anyway?

"Edward, how — how did you figure this out?"

"Remember that _Dateline_ thing my Mom left the message about last night?" I nod. "It was about you… they recognized you from the report."

"Oh," I whisper. Inside, my mind is reeling. My leaving is national news after all this time? "I was going to tell you soon, Edward — I swear I was."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies, Bella!"

"It's not a lie," I cry.

"Just… don't. I don't want your excuses. I need to hear the whole story, from the beginning."

Please God, let me find the words to do this…

"Um, all right… the beginning… Um, yes, I really was born and raised in Phoenix. My parents were — are — Charlie and Renee Swan. My dad retired as a police officer about five years ago and got a job at his home away from home — he takes care of the greens at a golf course. My mom always wanted to have a ton of kids, but she had a very difficult pregnancy with me and nearly died. When the doctors told her not to try again, she started working at a preschool to be near lots of kids. We were just a normal, lower middle class family; neither of my parents had a college education."

I take a deep breath. "From almost since I was born, my parents noticed that I was 'different' from their friends' kids—"

"Different?" Edward interrupts.

"Um, yeah, my mom always took me to the preschool where she worked, and I could read by the time I was three years old. When I started school, I was always at the top of my class, got straight A's. My parents thought I was their great bright hope — for someone in the family to go on to college, make it to the upper tier of middle class, I don't know…

"We didn't have the money for college, of course, so they put so much pressure on me to do things that would look great on a high school transcript besides my grades. I was president of the National Honor Society, on the debate team, the chess team…"

"Clarinet?"

"Yep, that too," I smile sadly. "I played clarinet in the high school band, like I told you, even though I kinda hated it. And all my hard work paid off — I was offered a huge scholarship to Northwestern University in Chicago to study math. I think that was the first time I ever knowingly disappointed my parents."

"How would getting a scholarship disappoint them?" Edward asks, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Not the scholarship… the math major," I explain. "They wanted me to go into engineering, or something similar that leads to a top-paying job. What can you do with a math degree except teach? And a teacher's salary won't get you to upper middle class.

"But for once, I stuck to my guns. Then in my junior year, there was a career fair on campus. A representative from a local insurance company came and talked to us about a career as an actuary."

"I've never heard of that," Edward says softly.

"Yeah. Neither had I. Most actuaries end up working with insurance or pension plans, analyzing financial risk, pricing out insurance policies. Having a math major is a great background and salaries can get pretty high. But it actually sounded interesting to me; it wasn't just the chance to show my parents that I could be successful with my chosen degree. I interviewed and got an internship for the next summer, and soon I was well on my way to getting a full-time offer after graduation."

I stop and look over at Edward nervously. "I guess you want to hear about, um, my husband, right?"

"Not really, but I think I need to," he says quietly.

"Yeah… um… so my roommate my senior year was an accounting major named Jessica Newton. Nice girl, but a little ditzy," I chuckle. "I didn't have enough money to fly home for Thanksgiving break, so Jessica invited me to come celebrate with her family in Indianapolis. And that's when I met her brother, Mike. He was a few years older than us and had just passed the bar exam. He actually lived in Chicago as well, working in corporate law, but he didn't hang around with his sister and I'd never met him before.

"Anyway, Mike and I kind of hit it off and started dating when we both got back to Chicago. It was your basic whirlwind romance, and Mike asked me to marry him just after I graduated from college. It seemed kind of fast, but I loved him, and God, my parents were thrilled at the prospect of their baby marrying a successful lawyer, so I said yes.

"I did get a full-time offer at the life insurance company where I'd interned, so here I was, a new actuarial student, trying to juggle studying for exams and planning a wedding. We decided to get married the following January, because it fit in best with the exam schedule."

"Exam schedule?" Edward asks.

"Oh, um yeah, actuaries have to take a series of exams to get fully certified. Picture taking the bar exam eight times. Things are a bit different now, but back then, the exams were offered in May and November, so we figured timing a honeymoon just before I needed to start studying for the May exams was the best thing.

"So anyway, almost as soon as we were married, Mike started pressuring me to have kids. He couldn't wait to be a dad. Plus, all the other young lawyers in his firm were starting families and he wanted to fit in with them. I told him no, I needed to get through the exams first — I couldn't spend six months of the year studying with a newborn.

"But, you know, the best laid plans… I got pregnant even while taking the Pill, and our daughter Vanessa Renee — Nessie — was born just over a year after we got married. Um, her ninth birthday was just a couple weeks after I… left… Chicago."

"I saw her," Edward says quietly. "In the _Dateline_ report. She looks just like you."

"My daughter was on TV?" I ask, shocked.

"Yes… begging for her mommy to come home."

"Oh God…"

Suddenly I can't breathe and Edward is by my side, rubbing my back, telling me to take a deep breath. Every single one of my worst fears has come true in one night. Only when he brings me a glass of water and I take a large sip can I breathe again.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper. Seeing that I'm all right, Edward moves back to the loveseat — away from me.

"Um, where was I? Right, so… I'd feed and play with Nessie until she'd fall asleep and then stay up studying until two in the morning. I barely got any sleep for a couple years, but I finished the exams, got my FSA — Fellow of the Society of Actuaries — just a couple years later.

"Almost immediately after learning I'd passed the last exam, Mike was hounding me again about more kids. I did want one more child myself — one day — since I had been an only child and I wanted Nessie to have a sibling. I wasn't really ready yet, but I stopped taking my birth control and was pregnant again after just a few weeks of trying. Imagine my surprise when at our first ultrasound, the technician said I was having twins! Identical twins run in Mike's family, but I never thought…" I shake my head.

"Anyway, I was on bed rest for the last six weeks before I had our little boys in April, Seth Michael and Samuel Charles — Sam. Of course, the maximum Family Leave is twelve weeks, so I was back at work just six weeks later. I put my foot down with Mike and insisted that we get a live-in nanny. We could certainly afford it, and there was just no way that both of us could work demanding full-time jobs while taking care of three children under the age of four.

"Our nanny, Angela, was great. She had been studying early childhood education before she dropped out when she couldn't afford college anymore. She was with us for a little over three years before she decided to go back to school. Mike wanted to try and make it on our own then, with Nessie starting first grade, so we didn't replace her.

"It was about the same time as Angela left that I got a promotion at work — Assistant Vice President in the Valuation area. Of course, it meant more pay, but it meant long hours, and a lot of overtime at the end of every financial reporting cycle. Plus tons of extra work with state filings during the first couple of months of the year.

"I know I sound like I'm whining and I should just be grateful for my success, but the pressure was just unbelievable, Edward. I was so exhausted from working all week, tag-teaming getting the kids to school or preschool; I just wanted to sleep all weekend. But if the weather was nice, Mike would spend his Saturdays on the golf course — good for his career, he said — so I rarely got the chance to sleep in."

I sigh. "Everything just got so out of control in the past year. The twins started kindergarten last fall, but that actually made it more difficult to juggle everything…"

"Why?" Edward asks, confused.

"Because they're in school half a day. Instead of dropping them off at daycare in the morning until 5:30 or 6, I had to go pick them up at school on my lunch hour and then drop them off, on the days we didn't have a babysitter lined up to arrive at noon… Mike's job was downtown, much further from the school, and he was often in court, so it was pretty much always my responsibility. Sometimes I had to come home in the evenings to relieve the teenager babysitter, feed my children, then put them to bed and go back to work after Mike got home.

"On top of all that, Mike really wanted to make partner, so that meant sucking up to the other lawyers in the firm. We had a big Fourth of July barbecue in our backyard last summer, another large get-together at the end of summer… endless nights 'entertaining' another couple or two.

"Mike has a pretty large, close-knit family, and our house was the biggest, so we'd always have Easter or Thanksgiving dinner at our place, too. Thank God we had a housekeeper come every week to keep the place clean, but still I'd have to plan, shop for and cook a meal for a dozen people."

I rub my forehead tiredly. "Our suburban neighborhood was great, but everyone had money and tried to outdo each other. The day I… left… Mike had called me to remind me about parent-teacher conferences at Nessie's school that evening, remind me that Nessie's birthday party was coming up and I needed to order the cake and mail the invitations…"

I stop and finish the rest of my water in one long gulp. Edward stands up and quietly brings me another glass from the kitchen.

"Tell me about the day you left, Bella," he says gently.

* * *

**A/N: **In light of the revelations from this past week, I hope you're all still with me. More with Edward's reaction coming up on Wednesday. Try not to hate on Bella too much. Or me.


	22. Sound Of A Broken Heart

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Thanks to all who've stuck with me! Any readers who can't muster up sympathy for Bella should read the review Moosals left for the prior chapter to see how it's possible.

Last chapter, Edward was still kinda in shock, let's see how he reacts in this chapter. Sorry if some of this repeats slightly from the Prologue and Chapter 1.

* * *

_Chapter 21_

_"Tell me about the day you left, Bella," he says gently._

I take a deep breath and begin, "Nessie's third grade parent-teacher conference was at 4:30. I was supposed to meet Mike at the school. I turned into the school parking lot, and then… I just… couldn't. I had this overwhelming feeling that if I didn't turn around right then, I was just… days, maybe hours away from a complete mental breakdown. I made a U-turn back out to the main road and then pulled over in a fast food parking lot. I sat there in my car for five or ten minutes, trying to not have a panic attack.

"And then I calmly put the car back in gear, drove to our bank and told the manager that I wanted to close my account. Of course, they could only give me $5,000 in cash — for my protection — and then gave me a confirmation number for when I called back with the name and account number of my new bank."

"Bella," Edward yells, "How could you do that? How could you take all the money and leave… him, high and dry? Just like Tanya did to me?"

Oh shit. I hadn't even thought of that.

"No, Edward, no," I plead. "It wasn't like that — not at all. From the beginning of our marriage, Mike and I would put 90% of our paychecks towards a joint account for household expenses, and the rest we'd put in accounts in just our own names. Those were our 'guilty pleasures' accounts. Mike spent most of his on golf clubs, or rounds at the local golf courses. Whenever I got more than a couple hours to myself, I'd head to a day spa. Or maybe I'd buy a piece of jewelry that I thought would look nice with one of my work outfits. I didn't take the money Mike needed to live — I took _my_ money. I swear to you, Edward — please, please tell me you believe me!"

Edward stares into my eyes for several long, anxious moments before saying quietly, "I believe you."

I breathe a huge sigh of relief for that one tiny favor.

"So where did you go after the bank?" he asks.

"Well, I knew once I was reported missing, the police would be able to put an APB out on the license plate and find me, so I ditched my car in a parking lot. I found an old receipt in my purse and scribbled a note, then got out of my godforsaken minivan, left my cell phone on the front seat and locked the doors. Then I walked across the street to a car dealership and bought the best used car $5,000 could buy," I chuckle. "Well, $4,500 — I thought I'd better leave myself a little bit of cash for the road. Credit cards can be traced…"

I pause and take another long sip of my water.

"I headed west on I-90, just wanting to get as far away from Chicago as I could. I was exhausted, mentally and physically, so just after I crossed the state line into Wisconsin, I stopped at a Walmart for a duffle bag and a few clothes then checked into a roadside motel. I slept so long that the next morning, I was barely showered and out of the room by check-out. I drove pretty much all day for three straight days and then spent the night in the eastern suburbs of Seattle.

"The next morning at breakfast, I overheard some people talking about the coast and I thought, yeah it might be nice to see the ocean. So I got directions to the ferry and pretty soon I was driving along the 101. I had just passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign when I noticed the engine was running too hot, so I pulled into the garage… You know the rest."

"No, Bella, I still don't understand your thought process… How did you end up staying here? I mean, why Forks? How did you find out about the boarding house?"

"Um, all right… " I sigh. "So Jacob at the garage told me it was probably the water pump. He gave me directions to the diner so I could kill time while I waited for him to fix the car. Maggie — a waitress at the diner — knew I must be from out of town and asked where I was headed. I thought about it, and I just… it seemed kind of like fate for me to have car problems in Forks. Maybe that's where I was meant to be, you know? Maggie told me that if I wanted to stay, she thought Mrs. Cope had a room or two open here at the boarding house. Later when I went back to the garage and couldn't afford to pay for the repair with the cash I had left, I had no choice but to stay."

Edward stands and starts pacing around the room. "So, what exactly were your long-term plans, Bella? Just stay in Forks forever and never see your husband and kids again?"

"I don't know, Edward," I say tiredly. "I really never thought about the future. After years of living by plans, I just wanted to live day by day for a while! I figured I'd go home once I was feeling better but I didn't have any kind of timeline in mind."

Edward shakes his head. "Did you never think of the consequences at all? Think of your family? How could you leave your kids? Fuck, Bella…"

"I… I did think of them," I cry. "I left the minivan in plain sight like that knowing someone would find it. I left a note so they'd know I wasn't kidnapped or something. I didn't want anyone to worry. I just had to get out of there before I lost my mind. Maybe you can't understand how desperate I was, but…" I finally break down and sob.

"I miss them, I miss my kids so much. I spent hours crying on Mother's Day. Don't you remember? You saw me; you just didn't make the connection."

"I remember," he says with a sigh, sitting back down on the sofa. "And I understand now why you pushed me away for so long… you already had a husband."

"Please, Edward, please believe I never meant to hurt you! Yes, I knew I was attracted to you for weeks — months — but I tried to stay away from you. God, you wouldn't give up, and finally I wasn't strong enough to resist any more. You made me feel so special, so… adored. I was tired of staying away from you, tired of ignoring the fact that I felt a stronger connection to you than I'd ever felt for my husband in the ten years that I've known him!"

"God Bella, but you _lied_ to me. You lied to Alice, to all of us," Edward says emphatically. "You know that I've had a hard time trusting people — but I trusted you. I trusted you and you lied to me."

"I know I lied, I know. But — if it means anything, I tried not to outright _lie_. I mean, I'd tell half truths or just omit things whenever I could. I hated lying to all of you."

"Don't try to justify it, Bella," he says angrily.

"I'm not, I'm not… But I couldn't tell anyone the truth, I knew you wouldn't understand… " I sniffle and wipe my nose on my sleeve.

Edward shakes his head. "I have no idea who you are any more."

"I'm _me_; I'm still the same person I was last night! I'm still the same person you fell in love with," I whisper.

"But who is that, exactly? I fell in love with a young woman who was trying to find her way in the world, just like I am. Not some… thirty-something insurance executive with three kids."

"But that's just the outside. I'm still the same person on the inside," I insist.

"The person who lied to me for months? And cheated on her husband?"

"No, no, that's not me. I've never been selfish, I've never cheated before, or even _thought_ about cheating. Just for once, I wanted to do something that made _me_ happy."

"But you made me an unwitting partner to _your_ infidelity. I didn't get the chance to choose to be a part of it, because I didn't have all of the facts."

"I'm sorry—"

"Can you imagine for one minute how I feel, finding out that my girlfriend is fucking married?"

"I know I was wrong…"

"That's the understatement of the century," Edward snorts.

"Please don't let this turn you back into the person I met when I first came to Forks. You're better than that, Edward. I messed up — me. I should've been honest with you from the beginning."

"Yes, you should have."

"Well, it's too late to go back and change it!" I shout. "Believe me, I would if I could. There were so many times I thought about telling you the truth…"

"Why didn't you?"

"Because… I guess… I knew that would be it. Even when I was fighting my attraction to you, I couldn't bring myself to do the one thing that would end any possibility of… us. I'm so sorry, Edward. I know you regret what happened between us," I say sadly.

"What? You think I regret it?"

"Don't you?" I ask, confused.

Edward sighs, running his fingers through his chaotic hair. "I guess, if someone had told me that night at the club that I could choose option A and have the best seven weeks of my life, or choose option B and never feel happiness like we had… I'd choose you, every single time. I may be so angry with you that I can hardly look at you, but I'll never regret loving you."

Hearing Edward's painful admission, the tears start flowing faster again. Suddenly, Edward stands and walks over to where I am seated, sitting down beside me and carefully putting his arms around me. I hold him tightly, not wanting to ever let him go.

When he finally pulls away, I ask, "What do you want me to do now?"

"Go home, Bella," he says tiredly. "Go home to your husband and your three babies. I can't — I could never be with you knowing that I'm taking you away from them. Not after what I went through."

Of course — this is bringing Edward's adoption, being abandoned by his parents, to the front of his mind. Hurting him like this is the last thing I ever wanted to do.

"If — if that's what you want…"

"And you need to tell the others the truth. I can't do it; I can't break their hearts."

"Oh God, I don't know if I can do this again…"

Edward sighs. "My parents still have the show on their DVR. Maybe we can all meet over there and watch it tomorrow? After you get off work? I'll… I'll let the others know a time."

"Thank you," I say softly.

"Bella, promise me that you'll let someone know where you are — tonight. Don't let them worry about you for one more night."

"I will," I promise.

Edward stands and heads for the stairs then turns around. "I love you, Bella. But I can't be with you any more — the price is too high."

After Edward disappears up the stairs, I break down sobbing. When I finally calm down, I pull out my cell phone. I just don't think I can handle talking to Mike right now, so instead I dial the familiar number from my childhood.

"_Hello?_"

"Mom?"

"_Bella, is that you?_" Mom screams.

"Yeah, Mom, it's me. Calm down. I'm fine… before you ask."

"_Bella, we have all been worried sick. Where have you been? Did you see the story on TV last night?_"

"I didn't see it, but um, a friend of mine did. I'm in Washington… state," I add.

"_What on earth are you doing there?_" Mom asks.

"Um, it—it's a long story. I can't go into it right now. Please just know that I never meant to worry anyone, but I had to get away. I had to for my own sanity. Mom, I hate to ask this, but can you please call Mike? Tell him — tell him there are still some loose ends that I need to tie up here, but I'll be home by the end of the week. I think — well, I just think our conversation needs to be in person."

"_All right, I can do that, but I want the full story from you, young lady!_"

"I know, Mom, I promise I'll explain later, but I just can't right now. "

"_Hang on, your dad wants to talk to you._"

"No, Mom, please? I can't take the Charlie Swan inquisition. Tell Dad I love him, but I gotta go, ok? Talk to you soon."

"_All right,_ _I love you, Bella._"

"Love you too, Mom. Goodnight."

Just as I stuff my cell phone back into my purse and head up the stairs, Mrs. Cope walks in.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Cope," I call.

"Goodnight, dear. Is everything ok? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," I lie. "See you tomorrow."

At the top of the stairs, I automatically head left toward Edward's door and lift my hand to knock, then think better of it and walk away, heading to my own room instead. I undress quietly and fall into bed, completely drained. I never, ever meant for my running away to end like this — with two broken hearts.

* * *

**A/N: **Next chapter on Friday, where Bella faces Mama Bear Esme.


	23. Too Hard To Say Goodbye

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Well, there seems to be a bit more sympathy for Bella, though I'm still seeing plenty of anti-Bella sentiment in reviews, along with at least one request for Esme to rip her a new one.

Thanks again to all who've stuck with this story.

* * *

_Chapter 22_

After a near sleepless night, I awake the next morning to an empty house, except for Mrs. Cope. I have a rare Sunday shift at The Lodge, and I head in to work a few minutes early so I can tell my boss that I'll be leaving Forks. I feel terrible about leaving without giving any kind of notice, but he understands when I explain that it's a "family emergency." What's one more lie when I've told so many?

Midway through my last-ever shift, I get a text from Edward asking me what time my shift is over. I text back "**4pm**," and he tells me to come to the Cullens' right after work. I look at my watch repeatedly for the next few hours, dreading this afternoon, and time seems to pass in an instant.

Finally, I turn in my apron and collect my things from my locker. Saying goodbye to my coworkers isn't as bad as I expected, but then I was only even somewhat close to Leah, who isn't working today. I do give Paul a note for her though before walking out to my car.

My heart is pounding as I drive the few miles to the outskirts of Forks to Edward's parents' home. I don't know if I can deal with seeing the disappointment I saw on Edward's face last night on anyone else's face, let alone a half dozen people. A very large part of me wishes I could turn around and just slink off in the middle of the night with no one the wiser — but I already made that mistake once.

Finally I park my car in the long driveway and make my way up onto the porch. I knock tentatively and wait, looking down and shuffling my feet.

After a few moments, Edward's dad answers the door. "Isabella," he says curtly. "Come in, we've been expecting you."

"Sorry I'm late. I, um, had to clear out my things at The Lodge," I reply nervously.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Um, just a bottle of water is fine, thanks." As I head inside, I thank God that the Cullens are such good people. I hate the derisive way Dr. Cullen is looking at me, but at least he's polite.

I walk into the spacious family room and see Edward and the others — Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett — scattered around the room.

"Bella," Alice cries. "What's going on? Edward was just so cryptic, saying we had to watch some news report. Come on over here and sit down."

I move towards her slowly and sit beside her on the couch, setting my purse on the floor. I look up as Carlisle and Esme enter the room carrying various glasses or bottles for everyone, then pass them out to each of us.

I turn to Alice. "Alice, let's just watch the TV and I'll explain after, ok?" I plead.

Carlisle picks up the remote, clears his throat and begins, "Sorry everyone, but the beginning of this is missing. We started recording as soon as we saw the preview of the story and… well, you'll see."

I finally force myself to look over to Edward sitting in the recliner, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He's not looking at the large flat-screen at all.

"_—report on a missing persons case that's now into its seventh month. Lester Holt reports from Schaumburg, Illinois._

_On February 22, 2011, 32-year-old Isabella Newton, an insurance company vice president, wife and mother of three young children, left her office for a parent-teacher conference at her eight-year-old daughter's school. She never arrived. Her husband, Michael Newton, age 38, reported her missing later that evening when she didn't come home and wouldn't answer her phone._"

"Oh my God, Bella, the woman in the photo is you," Alice exclaims as our wedding photo is flashed on the screen.

"Yes, it's me," I whisper.

"Oh. My. God. I can't believe you have a husband and three children!" Rose says, shaking her head.

"I can't believe you're 32 years old," Alice adds with a giggle.

All heads in the room turn to stare at Alice.

"What? Just trying to lighten things up," Alice says sheepishly.

Carlisle clears his throat again. "If you're all ready, I'll hit Play again," he suggests.

"Sorry for interrupting…" Alice says.

The TV report continues, "_The next morning, police found Isabella Newton's 2009 silver Dodge Grand Caravan minivan in a Best Buy parking lot a few miles from her daughter's elementary school, with the doors locked. Her cell phone and a note with the words 'I'm sorry' were found inside, but the keys were missing._

_Police interviewed several of Mrs. Newton's co-workers and learned that she seemed to have been more stressed than usual lately, both at work and in her home life. Days later, further investigation revealed that she had closed her bank account around 5pm on February 22, receiving $5,000 in cash, with the remainder wired to a new account the following week. Without a warrant, the bank refused to reveal her new bank's whereabouts._

_All evidence pointed to one thing — Isabella Newton had left the Chicago area of her own free will and didn't want to be found._

_For months, the Newton family has waited for word from this young mother. Her father, retired police officer Charles Swan of Phoenix, Arizona, called in several favors at his old precinct, but nothing has turned up. Her credit cards have thus far remained unused._

_Isabella's husband Mike:_

_"I talked to her maybe an hour before we were supposed to meet at the school…"_

I cover my ears and stand up.

"I'm sorry, everyone… I'll — I'll just wait outside. I can't listen to this," I say softly.

Once I'm out back on the Cullens' large deck, I finally feel like I can breathe again. I just couldn't sit in that room with Edward while he heard Mike probably talk about how much he and the kids miss me. I mean, I know he heard it yesterday, but…

I stare out at the forest for maybe 20 minutes before Esme quietly opens the back door. "Bella," she calls, "It's over, if you want to come back inside. You've got a curious bunch in here."

"I'll be right there," I call over my shoulder.

When I turn around to go back in, I am startled to see that Esme is still standing on the deck. I wither under her stare.

"How could you do it, Bella? How could you get involved with my son knowing that you had a husband and children waiting for you? How could you start something you could never finish? How could you do that to Edward?"

I wince at her harsh words. I know that I deserve every one of them.

"Mrs. Cullen, I know there is nothing I can say to justify my actions. I have never been a dishonest person; I've never cheated on my husband before. I love Edward, and I think I have for much longer than I've admitted it to myself. If I'd told him the truth, then nothing would've happened between us…"

"Nothing _should_ have happened."

"I didn't think he could love me," I protest weakly. "I thought I was just a casual fling to him. When he finally told me that he loves me, I… I realized what a mess I'd made of my life — again."

"You broke my baby's beautiful heart, Bella."

"I never meant to hurt him," I cry, hot tears beginning to fall. "I'm so sorry, more sorry that I can ever explain."

"We'd better go in before they send out a search party," Esme says after a long pause. I know I haven't even begun to earn her forgiveness.

I wipe away my tears and walk back into the family room to find everyone staring at me with obvious curiosity. I sit back next to Alice again and clear my throat.

"Um, ok, so… I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I'll try to answer them. But first, let me just say that I am so, so sorry for every time I lied to any of you. It was never my intention to hurt you. Or anyone," I add.

"Bella, I thought we were close," Alice cries. "Why couldn't you have trusted me with the truth? Or any of us?"

"I'm sorry, Alice. I thought about telling you lots of times during my first couple of weeks in Forks. But I was afraid you wouldn't understand. And then the longer I waited, the more difficult it got to tell you."

"It's just such a shock. I feel like I should've picked up on… something being off about you. I usually have pretty good instincts." Alice shakes her head, then suddenly sits up straight, grabbing my left hand. "Bella, where is your wedding ring? Did you take it off when you got to Forks?"

My eyes widen. "No, no, I—I hadn't worn it for a couple months before I left Chicago. Once the boys started kindergarten last fall and things got so crazy, I was too tired to cook dinner most nights. We'd end up going through the McDonald's drive-thru, or ordering pizza or Chinese. I'd never lost all of the baby weight anyway, and by last Christmas, I'd packed on enough extra pounds from months of eating poorly that my ring no longer fit. I kept telling myself that when things slowed down, I'd start working out, lose the weight… so I never had it re-sized."

"So you didn't take it off to keep everyone from finding out you were married."

"Definitely not." I shake my head. "When I first came to Forks, I didn't necessarily plan to lie to anyone about my marriage, or about anything. I only intended to get some peace and quiet for a while."

"What you were thinking to leave like that?" Esme asks. "I could never in a million years have left my child."

I roll my neck and try to prepare what I'm going to say. Maybe I should've thought of this ahead of time; it's not like I didn't know they'd ask.

"I was thinking — well, I guess I wasn't thinking, really. I just knew that I needed to leave the situation I was in, or I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I was absolutely 100% sure of that when I drove to the bank and then left my car in the parking lot."

"Why were you so stressed that you felt you had no other option?" Rose asks. "Lots of people lead stressful lives and don't run out on their families."

"Just… everything. I was so busy at work, lots of overtime, trying to figure out the childcare situation for three young children, 'entertaining' Mike's co-workers to help him make partner, planning Nessie's ninth birthday party… It was just one thing after another, and it had been like that for the last two and a half years, since I got promoted and our live-in nanny left us to return to school. Honestly, I think every moment since the day I found out I was pregnant with twins led up to this," I chuckle sadly.

"I have twin siblings myself, you know — they're 16 now. So I know they can be a lot of work. But still, to just leave? "

"Did your mom work though, Rose?"

A look of understanding crosses her face. "Not after the twins were born, no. But couldn't you have just quit your job? The report said your husband is a lawyer, so it's not like you guys couldn't have made it on one salary."

I shake my head. "My parents raised me to always strive to be the best, to be successful, to make something of myself. I wasn't raised to be a quitter.

"I know it seems like we had it all — a successful two-career couple with a large house in the suburbs — but it is just so, so hard to juggle everything. And none of our parents live in town to help out — mine are still in Phoenix, Mike's in Indianapolis. I… well, I don't know how Mike has managed since February."

"He had help," Emmett quietly answers. "The report said his mom moved in with him after you'd been gone for a couple of days."

"Oh… I, well, I guess that must've been a huge help to him," I say. "It's too bad she couldn't have come when I needed a helping hand." I try not to be bitter.

"What are you going to do now, Bella?" Jasper speaks up for the first time.

"Edward and I talked last night, and… I'm going home. Tomorrow, I think, the sooner the better. I have a few loose ends to tie up here in the morning, and then I'll hit the road. I called my parents last night to tell them I'm ok, and I asked Mom to call Mike. I think that conversation needs to wait until we can do it in person."

"Bella, I don't want you to leave," Alice cries. "We're all going to miss you."

"I know, Alice, I'll miss you too — all of you — but… I need to go. My place is with my children."

"But won't things just go back to the way they were before?" Rose asks.

"Well, I hope not. I don't think so. I mean, for one thing, I doubt I still have a job after the way I just left without a word at such a crucial time," I reply. "I just hope I can make my kids understand that I didn't leave because I don't love them. That's my worst fear."

"I'm sure they know," Jasper says quietly.

"Thank you," I reply, turning to Jasper and giving him a small smile.

Emmett stands up and stretches. "Well I don't know about you guys, but I am starving. How about we go out for dinner, a last hurrah for Bella?"

"I… that would be great, thanks."

* * *

**A/N: **One of my pre-readers doubted that a Bella who's a size 8 could have gained enough weight that her wedding ring would be too small. I say yes she could have. I am smaller than Bella and can't wear my high school class ring.


	24. Leaving

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Some thoughts out there that Esme and the whole gang were too accepting. I think everyone, from the characters to the readers, views this situation through their own biases. Bella's friends have no children, so no built-in "I could never leave my child" bias. It doesn't mean they truly understand.

* * *

_Chapter 23_

Bright and early Monday morning, Alice brings back cinnamon rolls from the deli for my last breakfast in Forks. Edward doesn't come downstairs to join us — not that I expected him to.

"Thank you for not hating me, Alice," I say quietly as we eat.

"We're friends for life — I could never hate you."

"Still, I feel horrible about all of the lies, and for not trusting you with the truth."

"I do wish you would've trusted me, I won't lie. But you didn't know me at all when you came to Forks, so really, why would you?

I take another bite of my cinnamon roll, wishing Alice's rhetorical question actually made me feel better.

"Remember that first time we went shopping together in Port Angeles?" Alice asks.

I nod in response.

"I almost asked you why you were paying with cash, but then I thought maybe you'd gotten into trouble with credit cards or something, and I didn't want to embarrass you. Would you have told me the truth if I'd asked?"

"I don't know," I whisper. "I didn't have a story worked out in my head to explain it, so… maybe?"

"You know, I'm not sure what I would've done if you had told me the truth. Anyone with eyes could see that you seemed so sad, and tired. I would've made you call home, but I'm not sure I would've encouraged you to actually _go_ home right then."

"But I should've gone home once I started feeling better… that was my plan, anyway. Until I started to enjoy my life in Forks more than my life in Chicago. Even though waiting tables was much more difficult than I remembered, the job was over when my shift was over. I've had so much more time to myself than I've had in years. _Years_, Alice."

"How old were you when your daughter was born?"

"I was 23," I reply.

"God, I'm 24 now and I can't imagine that I'll be ready for children for at least five years."

"I wasn't ready for children when Nessie was born… She wasn't planned; I was on the Pill and got pregnant anyway. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent my daughter for being born — I'm not that much of a monster. But I wish she would've come along a few years later. Does that make me a horrible mother?"

Alice pats my hand. "I know you're a good person, Bella. I refuse to believe that you're not the person I've gotten to know over the last six months."

"Even though I'm a liar and a cheater?" I ask bitterly.

"Did I ever tell you why my mom hates gossip?" Alice asks.

"Um, no, but I'm not sure what that has to do with me."

"My dad was still married to his first wife when he met my mom. They'd been having marital problems, but they were still living together," she explains.

"Well, Dad divorced her to be with Mom. They weren't involved until after my dad and his first wife separated, but still, my mom took the brunt of all the town gossip — she was called a homewrecker, a trollop, you name it — even though she didn't do anything wrong.

"But see, I don't believe my dad did anything wrong either. He couldn't control who his heart wanted… and neither could you."

"But I jumped into a relationship with Edward without ending my marriage," I whisper.

"You really love Edward, don't you." Alice says quietly — it's not a question.

"I do, I love him more than I thought possible."

"Would you end your marriage to be with Edward, if he wanted that?"

"I — I don't know. He only told me he loves me for the first time Friday night. Before that, I fantasized about a future with Edward, sure, but I didn't believe I could ever be enough for him.

"I'd just really have to think about the consequences before I could take such a big step. I don't think I could ever move here permanently — halfway across the country from my kids. I miss them so much, Alice. But even if I _could_ live with that, Edward says he would never take me away from my kids, so there's no future for us.

"My husband isn't a bad person," I continue. "He put his career ahead of our marriage and family, like a lot of men do, but he's not mean or abusive — he doesn't sleep around. When I left Chicago, I never entertained the thought of divorcing him, I just needed some time away from my life. I never expected to fall in love with someone else."

"Oh, Bella…"

"How can I live without him, Alice?" I cry.

"I wish I could tell you… but I don't know I could live without Jasper, so anything I tell you would just be some hollow advice."

Alice gives me a big hug goodbye before leaving to open her shop. Once she's gone, I briefly explain the situation to Mrs. Cope, letting her know that she can keep the rest of this month's rent; I'll even pay next month's if she needs it.

I head out then to the bank in order to arrive just as it opens. I quickly explain that I want to close my account, and go through the now familiar procedures. I take only a small amount of cash this time, though, since I have no qualms about using my credit cards.

Once I walk back into the boarding house for the last time, I head upstairs to pack. As I grab my shampoo and other items from the bathroom, I take one last look at my beloved clawfoot tub. I smile thinking of the long bath I took in it after dinner last night — before crying myself to sleep.

I did have a great time at dinner last night with the whole gang. I'm going to miss all of them so much. We reminisced about happy times, and I told them all about my kids, showing them the photos I've kept in my wallet all this time. They kept the questions to a minimum, thankfully, but it was clear that they really don't understand how I could've left my kids. I don't blame them, really. I probably wouldn't understand either if it were someone else's situation.

Edward hardly said a word at dinner last night. Come to think of it, I don't remember him speaking at his parents' house, either. At this point, I'd be happy if he'd just yell at me again. At least then I could hear his voice. I wipe a few stray tears away before walking back out into the bedroom.

As I throw my still-small wardrobe into a couple of bags, my wish comes true when Edward knocks on the open door and walks into my room.

"Hey," he says quietly.

"Hey yourself," I reply with a small smile.

"Do you need any help?" he asks, glancing toward the clothes thrown all over my bed.

"Um, no, I don't have all that much."

"Ok," he whispers.

"Edward—"

"Bella—"

"Sorry, ladies first," he says with a grin.

"I just need to tell you again how sorry I am. You're an amazing person, Edward. You have so much to offer, and I am so, so sorry that I hurt you. That's one of my biggest regrets in this whole mess," I say fervently.

"I know, Bella. I do believe you, but I just wish you would've been honest with us from the beginning." He clears his throat. "But — there's something I need to make sure of before you go…"

"Of course, anything," I reply.

"I just — well, we didn't always remember to use condoms, so, um…"

"Oh," I exclaim, looking up at him once I realize what he's asking. "You don't — no, there's no chance I'm pregnant. Um, after I had the twins, I had my tubes tied. And I insisted Mike get a vasectomy, just for good measure," I add, chuckling.

"So the scar, your cysts…"

"Yeah, add another lie to my list," I say, staring at the floor. "I'm sorry — again."

"I know," he replies quietly.

I turn back to my packing but I can still feel Edward's presence behind me. I have to strain my ears to hear his next words.

"I still want you, Bella."

I spin around, mouth hanging open as I stare at him.

"It—it's probably wrong of me to say that, but I just wanted you to know that I don't hate you."

"Thank you," I reply quietly, brushing my tears away. "I _know_ it's wrong of me to say it, but I still want you, too."

He nods. "Do you love him? Your husband."

"I do love him; he's got his faults, but he's a good man, and we've been married for over 10 years now. It's just… I think a lot of couples start to take each other for granted after a while. They don't take time for themselves, make their relationship a priority. I felt like a cook, a maid, a chauffeur, a babysitter… never like a woman.

"I thought I was leaving to find _time_ for myself. I didn't realize that I'd also find… myself. I found the things I'd been missing and didn't even realize. You made me feel so, so special, Edward. I'll always cherish our time together. Please, please tell me you believe that. You were not just a _distraction_, or whatever Siobhan called you."

I can see Edward's eyes are wet, as he hastily wipes away a falling tear. "I believe you."

I smile, letting out the breath I'd been holding.

"Were you really planning on telling me the truth?" he asks.

"Yes, I was," I reply fervently. "I told myself I'd do it after my birthday."

"When is your birthday?"

"Tomorrow," I reply quietly. "I just wanted to spend the day in your arms. I know I was stalling; you don't have to say it. I needed time to figure out how to tell you the truth so you wouldn't hate me."

"I love you, Bella. I don't think I could ever hate _you_. I just hate what you've done."

"I'm going to miss you so much," I cry, rushing towards Edward and throwing my arms around him. He hesitates for a moment before hugging me back securely. When Edward begins rubbing his hands up and down my back, I lean up and kiss his jaw before pulling back slightly.

I watch Edward's eyes darken before he leans down, placing his forehead against mine. Tenderly, he grasps my face in his hands. His eyes close, and then his lips are on mine… so softly, so tentatively, almost like a first kiss.

After just a few seconds, he pulls back just far enough so that he can stare into my eyes. I reach out and brush his tears away with my fingers.

"I am this close," he whispers, "To just saying 'fuck it' and asking you to stay with me."

_Oh God…_

"But I know that I could never live with myself if I did that."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I cry, before reaching up for one last kiss.

After our too-chaste kiss, Edward takes a step back, and I see his hands balled into fists. "Um, are you about ready?" he asks gruffly.

"Yeah, just a couple more things," I reply, stuffing my last few items of clothing into the bag before zipping it closed.

Edward follows close behind me as I leave my bedroom, walk downstairs and then place my bags in the trunk of my car. Closing the trunk, I turn back to him.

"Well, I guess I should get on the road…" I say, not really wanting to.

"Yeah. Um, could you maybe text me that you made it safely every night? Otherwise, I know I'll worry about you driving so far by yourself… even though you're not mine to worry about."

"Sure, yeah, I can do that," I say, ignoring Edward's last comment. "Oh, and please tell Alice that I left my address, phone numbers and e-mail on her bed. She was asking about those this morning."

"I will," he says, holding his arms out for a final hug.

I step into Edward's embrace and squeeze him tightly around the waist. I will miss him so much. It's not long enough before he releases me and I step back, the tears falling faster now.

"I love you, Edward," I whisper as I walk towards the car door. As I sit in the driver's seat, I swear I can hear him whisper back, "I love you, too."

I force myself not to watch Edward in the rearview mirror as I drive away. Once I reach the main street, I pull over and sob for several minutes before I'm ready to drive on. Walking away from my old life wasn't nearly as difficult as walking away from my new one.

* * *

**A/N: **Next chapter we meet Mike and the kids.


	25. Home

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Ooh, a long chapter… for me, anyway. Keep in mind that everyone has known for nearly a week that Bella was coming home, and Renee probably repeated what Bella told her about why she left.

* * *

_Chapter 24_

It's about 8pm on Friday evening when I finally exit the interstate for those last few miles towards home.

Home. I can't imagine what I'll find when I get there. Mike has always been so mild-mannered, never one to raise his voice in anger, but I just don't know what to expect from him. And my children… God, I pray that I can make them understand that Mommy loves them very much and didn't leave because of something they did. Remembering how I took everything to heart when I was their age, I know that my prayers will likely go unanswered.

Since I got on the road just after noon on Monday, I have done nothing but think of the mistakes I have made and the people I have hurt. If only I had just spoken up more when things started to become too much for me. If only I hadn't waited until I got to the edge of a breakdown before I did something about it. If only…

_If only_ won't help me now. I have to face up to what I did.

I pull into our driveway and shut off the engine — I don't have the garage door opener. As soon as I put a foot on the ground, I see the front door swing open and Mike step out onto the porch.

"Bella!" he calls. "Your mother was right? You really are here…"

"I'm here," I say, barely audible.

I stand dumbfounded as Mike rushes towards me and envelops me in his arms. I keep my arms down at my sides stiffly, unsure of what I should do. Finally he steps back and just stares at me.

"Sweetheart, I thought I'd never see you again… We've all been worried sick."

"Mike," I choke. "I am so sorry for leaving like I did. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Come on," he says. "Let's go inside and talk. Do you have bags or anything?"

"Yeah, in the trunk," I reply as I hit the trunk release on the key fob. I turn towards the back of the car, but Mike steps in front of me.

"It's ok, I'll get them. You just go on inside. The kids are all still up and I'm sure they'll be excited to see you. They've talked of nothing but since we got your mom's call Sunday morning."

"All right," I say softly, steeling myself for my children's reaction to me.

I push the door open, step inside the foyer and just stand in place, looking around at my house. Everything seems just as I remember. I don't know what I expected, really.

Hearing voices in the kitchen, I head back there just as I hear Mike open the front door behind me.

"Mommy!" Nessie shouts, standing up from her chair and rushing towards me, throwing her arms around me. I hug her back tightly and try to determine how much she's grown in the last six and a half months.

"Nessie, baby, I am so happy to see you. I missed you so, so much."

"I missed you too, Mommy. Where were you?"

"Um, well, I went to Washington to get some rest, and I hung out with some new friends. But I thought about you every single day and wished that I could be with you," I reply, stroking her hair. "I love you so much. I hope one day you'll forgive me for leaving."

Nessie gives me a tentative smile in return, and I let out a breath, feeling like maybe things will be ok.

I look up and see Mike's mother, Ann, wiping what looks like chocolate ice cream off the face of one of the twins, who is sitting on the granite island top. The other is standing next to her, staring up at me. I approach slowly, as if approaching a frightened animal, and pick up my adorable towheaded son.

"My gosh, Seth, you have gotten so big," I exclaim as I hug him.

"Mommy, I'm Sam," he says.

Oh God… I can't even tell my twins apart.

"Hey buddy," Mike calls as he takes Seth from his place on the island. I stand motionless, still holding Sam and trying hard to hold back tears.

"Bella, it's good to see you, dear," Mrs. Newton says carefully. "Are you… feeling better?"

"I am, thank you so much. Thanks to all of you for making me feel so welcome. Seth, can Mommy get a hug?"

Mike trades children with me and I hug Seth tightly. Of course, I can see the difference now. Seth has always been just a little bit larger than Sam, but of course, Sam has grown over the past six months and is now larger than the size Seth was when I left. I feel so stupid.

"Nessie, honey, why don't you go play in your room," Mike's mom suggests. "I'll take the boys upstairs for their baths so you two can talk."

"Thanks, Mom."

As the others leave the room, I fidget nervously, knowing the inquisition is about to begin. I can't even look at my husband.

"Do you… uh, do you want to go sit down and talk?" Mike asks.

"Sure," I reply quietly.

I sneak my phone into the pocket of my hoodie and head out of the kitchen, trailing behind Mike. We step into the family room and sit, me on the comfortable couch and Mike on the loveseat. I look over at my husband — he looks the same as when I left. Blond hair graying at the temples, a few small wrinkles forming around his eyes, still fairly trim but starting to develop that middle-aged paunch.

I continue to fidget, playing with my fingers, before I finally shove my hands underneath my thighs. We sit in silence for what feels like hours before Mike finally speaks.

"Where the hell have you been, Bella?" he asks, sounding more curious than angry.

"Um, I was in Forks… it—it's a small town in Washington, near the ocean and the Olympic Mountains."

"How did you — I mean, why there?"

I shrug. "I drove west and ended up in Seattle. I overheard another guest at the hotel talking about the coast and thought it might make a nice drive. I had just passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign when the water pump went out on my car. Then I just… decided to stay."

Mike's brow furrows as he thinks about what I said. "And were your co-workers right? Did you leave because of stress?"

"Yes," I answer softly.

"I don't understand, Bella. If things were that bad, why didn't you speak up?"

"I did," I plead. "I did ask you about getting another nanny, or maybe having your mom come and stay… But you put me off, you said that lots of two-career couples make it without live-in help… I know, it's partially my fault — I should've made you understand how bad it was getting.

"When I talked to you… that day, and you reminded me about ordering the cake, the invitations… it's like my to-do list was never ending. I started driving to the school and then I just snapped. I had to get out of there. I'm so sorry, I know it was horribly selfish, but I needed that break."

Mike shakes his head. "You can't imagine what we've been through, Bella…"

"I know — I am a horrible wife and mother. You can say it — I deserve everything."

"Couldn't you have at least called? Let us know you were ok?"

I shrug. "Cop's daughter — I know calls can be traced. But I left the note in the minivan, so you'd know I wasn't kidnapped or something. I didn't want you to worry."

"Not worry about my wife missing for six months?" Mike shakes his head. "And the stories I had to tell our kids who were worried that Mommy was never coming back — I couldn't even promise them that you were, because I had no idea!"

"I never would've left them forever! I just needed to stay away until I felt able to return. I wasn't going to be any good for them if I'd have stayed and ended up in a mental institution."

Mike scoffs. "Come on, Bella. It couldn't have been that bad for you. I lived the same life you did, remember?"

"No, you didn't!" I shout. "You did your job, then came home and watched sports all night, or did whatever you pleased. You spent the weekends golfing. Meanwhile, I had to run back and forth for whatever the kids needed, do all of the parenting, every bit of work around the house except clean it, and then entertain the children while you were out having fun," I list.

Mike stares at me, a look of shock on his face. "This is what you felt about our life together? Why didn't you _say_ something?"

I just want to scream. "I _did_ say something. How many times did I ask you to set the table or help me unload the dishwasher? You'd do it for a week and then stop because you claimed you couldn't figure out my methods of organizing the cabinets. You'd throw in one load of laundry once a month and call that helping me with laundry."

"Bella, I — I don't know what to say. You did a great job taking care of the house; I didn't realize you needed help."

"I worked just as hard as you did all day long, Mike — maybe harder — and then did everything to keep this household running. I couldn't take it anymore, and so I left. I am so sorry for everything I put you and the kids through, but for once in my life, _my_ needs had to come first."

"I get it, Bella, I do," Mike says quietly, a look of surrender on his face. "So, um, what have you been doing for the last six months? Where did you live?"

It's just like Mike to change the subject instead of really listening to my complaints. I'm too tired right now to keep discussing this, but we _will_ talk about it more later.

"Um… I got a job as a waitress at a steakhouse called The Lodge, in Forks," I finally reply.

"A waitress," Mike sputters.

"Yes… a waitress. I looked through the want ads in the paper and that was the first thing that caught my eye. I waitressed some in high school," I add, holding my chin up. Does he think I'm not capable of waiting tables?

"I lived in a boarding house," I continue, "With a couple of twenty-somethings. A very nice elderly widow ran it."

"You told Nessie you made new friends there."

"Yeah, I, uh… became friends with the other two people who lived in the boarding house. Um, Alice and… Edward. Alice runs a clothing consignment shop and Edward teaches music," I babble, wondering if I should even mention Edward to Mike at all.

"I see. What exactly did a mother of three have in common with these young people?" Mike asks, almost snidely.

"They accepted me, Mike. They didn't know about you and the kids. They thought I was their age."

"So you lied to them?"

"Yes… I lied. I didn't think they'd understand my leaving, so I lied. Again, I am a horrible person," I say, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

Mike sighs. "You're not a horrible person, Bella. It's just — I've never known you to act so selfishly."

"Exactly. I'm not normally selfish, and trying to please everyone brought me to the edge of a nervous breakdown," I shout.

"I'm sorry," I say more quietly, afraid of everyone upstairs overhearing.

"So… what now?" Mike asks.

"Now, I plan to quit my job officially next week, if I haven't been fired already. My last promotion gave me too much responsibility… at least too much for someone trying to mix work and family. I don't know yet what I want to do, but I'll… figure it out."

"You'll figure it out," Mike repeats. "I've never known you to not have a plan."

"The last six months have changed me, Mike. I'm more comfortable taking life a day at a time now," I respond.

Our conversation is interrupted as I hear Mike's mom walking down the stairs. Seconds later, she peeks her head into the family room.

"Hey, guys… I just wanted to let you know I've put the boys to bed. Nessie is playing her Wii in her room. I'm just gonna head downstairs… Goodnight."

"Night, Mom."

"Goodnight, Ann," I say quietly, still unsure of what Mike's mom is thinking of me right now.

"Maybe we should go up and say goodnight," Mike suggests.

"Sure," I agree.

Mike walks over and hugs me after I stand up, telling me he loves me. I'm still too pissed off to reply. We walk upstairs together and quickly kiss the boys goodnight before Mike goes into our bedroom to give me a chance to talk to Nessie alone.

"Ness?" I call nervously.

"Hey, Mom," she replies, barely look up from the game on the television.

"Could we talk for a minute? Do you have any questions?"

Nessie hits Pause on the game and sets the Wii controller on the bed next to her. I sit down on her other side and tentatively put an arm around her. Ness hugs me back tightly.

"I missed you, Mommy," she says, her big brown eyes looking up at me.

"I know, sweetie; I missed you, too."

"Why did you leave? Lauren Mallory said it's because you don't love us anymore."

"Oh Nessie, baby, your classmate is wrong — that isn't true. Not true at all. I left because I _do_ love you and your brothers. I needed to get away and rest for a while, so I could be the best mommy to you, like you deserve." It's so hard to explain this in terms that a nine-year-old might understand.

"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," I add.

"I got your presents," Nessie says, smiling.

"I thought of you that day, and every single day," I say passionately.

"Are you going to leave again?" Nessie asks in a quiet voice.

"No," I say emphatically. "I am home to stay." While it pains me to think of never seeing Edward again, I know that he was right and I have to be here for my babies.

"Come on, Ness, why don't you take a bath and get some sleep?"

"But Mom…"

"I know, it's early, but we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. I thought I'd take you and your brothers downtown. We can go to Shedd Aquarium and Navy Pier, all those places you love to visit. Maybe even the American Girl store," I add.

"Can we get sundaes at the Ghirardelli store, too?" Ness asks, grinning.

"Of course you can," I reply, hugging her again. I stand up and head for the door, then turn around to face my daughter. "Go get ready for bed, ok?"

"If I _have_ to…"

"Yes," I laugh, "You have to. I love you, Ness; don't ever forget that."

Closing the door, I walk down the hallway to Mike's and my bedroom. I take a deep breath, then open the door and find Mike sitting in the chair, reading what looks like a file from work.

"Everything ok with Ness?" Mike asks, looking up at me.

"Yeah, I think things are gonna be ok. I told her I'd take her and the boys downtown tomorrow. I know I probably should've asked you first…"

"It's fine, Bella. I really need to get some work done on a case going to trial next week, so it'll be good for the kids to be entertained all day."

I nod and begin to empty my bags that Mike brought up earlier into the laundry hamper. I dig through a drawer and find some pajamas, then walk towards the bathroom.

"Um, I'm just gonna take a shower… I feel icky from driving all day," I say, though Mike is hardly paying attention to me.

Fifteen minutes later, I am showered, dried and dressed. I walk back out to the bedroom and stare at our familiar king-sized bed. I think of the creaky double beds back at the boarding house, picturing Edward's lanky frame hanging off the end. The thought of being with Mike right now turns my stomach, like it would be cheating on Edward somehow.

"Um, I'll just go sleep in the guest room so you can stay up and work as long as you need to," I say, Mike's work providing a convenient excuse.

"Oh. Ok," Mike replies, blue eyes staring up at me. His gaze is piercing, as if he's trying to figure me out.

I turn and leave the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Inside the guest room, I pull back the covers and climb into bed. Turning onto my side and staring out the window, I wonder what Edward is doing right this minute. It's still early in Washington. I pull out my cell phone, which I had stuffed into the pocket of my pajama pants and send a final text to Edward.

**I'm home.**

* * *

**A/N: **There will never be a _lot_ of interaction with Bella's children. I have no kids and am only familiar with teenagers, not kids this young, so I don't feel like I can do justice to writing them.


	26. Miss You When I'm Dreaming

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Jumping ahead a little bit here.

* * *

_Chapter 25: October_

I've been home for nearly four weeks now and have settled into my "new" old life. Each morning I wake up, get the kids up and dressed, make breakfast for them and walk them to the bus stop. Having this time with them without having to rush off somewhere is nice — nicer than I thought it would be.

Both of my sons are very clingy with me, not wanting me to leave them at the bus stop, afraid that I will leave home again. It kills me to know that I did this to them. I never let a night go by that I don't kiss them goodnight and reassure them that I love them. I pray that one day they'll trust me again.

After the kids are off to school, I shower then start on my to-do list for each day — Monday is grocery shopping for the week, Tuesday and Friday are laundry days, Wednesday is for miscellaneous errands… and Thursdays are just for me. I sit and read, listen to music, go to the gym, go to the spa, shop… whatever I want to do.

Now that I have time to myself during the week, weekends are all about the kids. Sometimes Mike is with us, sometimes not. I feel like I've bonded with them more now than I ever had before, since I don't feel so harried and rushed.

I am busy, but it's a manageable busy. I can't allow myself to be _not_ busy, because my mind has a tendency to wander to over 2,000 miles away from here… and to Edward. How is he doing? Does he hate me? Please, please don't let him have gone back to the grouchy asshole he was before he and I connected. I can't have that on my conscience, too — along with breaking his heart.

Things with Mike are… ok. The first Sunday after I got home, Mike's mom took the kids to a matinee so Mike and I could talk with no fear of being overheard. After a lot of raised voices and tears from both sides, we really did talk. I felt like a huge piece of shit listening to what my family went through in my absence. Meanwhile, Mike was shocked to learn just how unhappy I was before.

I think I _finally_ got through to Mike, and he seems to be really trying to do better. Instead of hitting the local golf courses every weekend, he has limited himself to every other weekend, at least until it got a bit too chilly to play golf as we moved into October. He's also been helping the boys take their baths some nights, looking over Nessie's homework… Before, it seemed like most of the parenting fell on my shoulders, but it's split more equally now, as Mike has kept up some of the duties he took over when I was gone.

While I can see the appeal of being a stay-at-home mom, my brain needs to be intellectually challenged. And so, I have decided to start my own actuarial consulting business. I have tons of knowledge and experience from working at a large insurance company that could be very helpful to smaller companies. Next week is the Society of Actuaries' Annual Meeting, and it's being held at a hotel in downtown Chicago this year. I'll be going to the three-day meeting and trying to network, drum up business.

With that in mind, I ordered new business cards and picked them up at the printer's today. I'm ready to take a leap and start working again. I'm looking forward to the challenge of building up a client base and a reputation.

Well, a better reputation. I wonder sometimes how the publicity over my disappearance will affect my ability to be taken seriously as a consultant.

Apparently the story had initially been big news in Chicago. The police had investigated for a few days before determining that there was no foul play, then did very little to find me. Once I'd been gone for six months, Mike and my parents went to the media, getting the story back in all of the local papers, in both Chicago and Phoenix, hoping someone had seen me.

When the newspaper articles got no response, Mike talked to one of the lawyers at his firm who had defended the local NBC affiliate in a discrimination lawsuit. He was able to use his "in" to convince _Dateline_ to cover my disappearance in the hopes that someone, somewhere, would see the show and recognize me.

I can't help wondering how things would be different if no one in Forks had ever seen that show.

* * *

By the time I finish all of my errands, it's five o'clock. I arrive home, pay the teenage babysitter from down the street, and start to make dinner. Nessie made an A on a big spelling test yesterday, so I promised her that she could choose what we have for dinner. She's chosen lasagna, so I set a pot of water on the stove to boil and begin browning the ground beef for the homemade sauce — the kids won't let me get away with making vegetarian meals any more than Edward did.

About 45 minutes later, I am just putting the lasagna into the oven when the landline phone rings.

"Hello?"

"_Bella,_" Alice calls so loudly that I need to pull the phone away from my ear.

"Hey, Alice," I chuckle.

"_Is this ok? Is it a good time? I know it's been like a month since you left and I haven't called… I just didn't want to intrude…_ "

"I understand, and it's fine, Alice. I just put dinner in the oven, so I have some time to talk."

"_Great_," Alice says. I can hear the smile in her voice. "_So… how are you? I mean, are things… better for you than before you came to Forks?_"

I sit down at the kitchen table and really think about her question. _Are_ things better, besides the obvious?

"Yeah, Alice, things are better. Of course, I haven't been working…"

Alice gasps. "_Were you fired?_"

"Well, no, actually," I reply. "In fact, the HR rep was very understanding of my mental state once I explained everything. They offered to work with me, find me another position with less responsibility. But I said no. I'm planning to start my own business, a consulting firm. Lots of unemployed actuaries do that," I chuckle.

"_And that'll be better for you?_"

"Definitely… I've been working on setting up an office in my unused 'craft room' in the basement. Just this afternoon, I picked up some business cards that I'd had printed."

"_Wow, look at you! Seems like you've got this all figured out._"

"We'll see," I reply. "I think it'll be great to choose exactly how much work I can handle at any given time. With the boys in school all day now, I'll be here when all the kids get home."

"_Is Mike's mom still living with you?_"

"No, she left about a week after I got home. Mike's parents are selling their house in Indianapolis to move to Chicago now that his dad sold his business and retired, so she's been busy getting their house ready for sale. She'll be here next week though, while I'm busy with an insurance industry meeting."

"_So… can I ask how things are with you and Mike?_" Alice asks tentatively.

"They're… ok, I guess. Mike has always been very even-tempered, so he wasn't really too angry with me for leaving. Disappointed, definitely. He's trying to be a better husband, though."

"_That's great, Bella,_" Alice replies. "_But are you happy?_"

Alice's question stops me short. Am I happy? I'm not unhappy, exactly, but I can't say that I'm excited to get out of bed each morning, wondering what the day will bring. Not like those last few weeks in Forks…

"_Bella, are you still there?_"

"Um, yeah, sorry about that… I was just thinking how to answer your question. I'm not unhappy, Alice; let's just leave it at that, ok?"

"_Sure, Bella,_" Alice says gently. "_Oh hey, I almost forgot — someone moved into your room last week._"

"Oh yeah, who's that?" I ask curiously.

"_A local guy in his early 40's, a logger — his wife kicked him out._"

"Ouch," I laugh, secretly glad that it's not a young, beautiful single woman.

"So," I pry, "How is Edward?"

"_Edward is… quiet. He's heartbroken, Bella. I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you by telling you that, but it's true. He misses you. He really loved you._"

A tear slips down my cheek. "I miss him, too. I just pray that he isn't turning back into the asshole I met seven months ago."

"_No, I wouldn't go that far. He's just distant. I've tried to let him be, not push him too much. But I've also let him know that I'm there if he wants to talk. Of course he's a man, so he doesn't,_" Alice laughs. I can almost picture her rolling her eyes.

"_Listen, Bella,_" she continues, "_I just want to apologize for my part in this mess. I—_"

"Your part?" I interrupt, shocked. I'm the one who had an affair.

"_Yes, my part,"_ Alice says emphatically. "_You told me you weren't interested in a relationship and still I pushed you and Edward together at every opportunity. I was just so sure that you belonged together… I could feel it._"

_I could feel it, too_, I think to myself, remembering the first night we made love and how it felt like I was finally _home_. The sound of the garage door opening snaps me back to the present.

"Hey listen, Alice, Mike just got home, so I gotta go. I'll talk to you later, all right?"

"_Sure, we definitely shouldn't wait so long to talk again. I miss you, Bella,_" Alice sighs.

"I miss you too. Talk soon."

I am still holding the phone in my hand when Mike walks through the door.

"Mmm, something smells good."

"Um, it's just lasagna," I shrug.

"Still, my mom's a great cook, but I'm glad to be eating your cooking again," Mike says as he hugs me awkwardly. "Did you have a good day? Who were you talking to?"

At Mike's question, I realize I am still holding on to the phone. "Oh, um, just my mom. She called to wish me luck at the industry meeting next week." I lie so easily now, but I'm just not sure how Mike would react to finding out I'm still in contact with friends from Forks.

"I picked up my new business cards today," I continue. "So I'm all set now to really get started next week, trying to find clients."

"Are you sure this is really what you want to do? Remember, the woman from HR said they'd find you another position."

"I'm sure… working from home is the best thing for me right now while the kids are so young. Maybe in a few years, I can get back to the corporate life."

"Ok. I just want you to be happy, Bella."

* * *

After dinner, we sit down to play a board game as a family — can't remember the last time we did that. Later, Mike puts the boys to bed, and I help Nessie with a project for school and then send her up to bed as well. After tucking her in, I almost run into Mike in the hallway on my way out of Ness's room.

"Bella, I — I wanted to talk to you," Mike begins nervously.

"Um, sure, I'll be there in a minute."

As Mike walks off into the master bedroom, I stand in the hallway, steeling myself for a fight. Since that first night I arrived home, I've continued sleeping in the guest room, but Mike seems to be getting a little antsy about resuming this part of our relationship.

I take a deep breath and walk into the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

"What's up?" I ask, leaning against the door with my hands clasped tightly behind my back.

"Come over and sit down," Mike suggests, pointing toward the second chair in the small seating area.

I push off the door and stride across the room, sitting down carefully. Mike leans over and takes my hand in his.

"Are you happy, Bella?"

"God, why does everyone keep asking me that?" I exclaim, ripping my hand away.

"What?" Mike asks, shocked at my outburst.

"Um… sorry, just, um… my mom, earlier today, asked me the same thing," I lie.

"Bella, it's no secret that I'd like you to move back into our bedroom. Why don't you feel comfortable with this?" Mike pleads.

"I just… I know I hurt you by leaving, and—"

"Bella, I understand that you weren't in a good place mentally when you left. I've forgiven you. But I _miss_ you."

"I'm sorry I can't explain it very well. I'm just… not ready, Mike. I'm sorry."

I turn my face towards his, willing him to believe me. I've thought about telling Mike about Edward, but in the end, I decided that it would only hurt him more. He doesn't deserve that.

"Nothing has to happen, Bella. We don't have to have sex, just let me fall asleep next to my wife again," Mike cries.

"I… not yet. I'm sorry," I whisper.

I can't let Mike see the way I cry myself to sleep most nights. Can't let him see the way I wrap my arms around myself, wishing they were Edward's arms. When I forget the feel of Edward's lips on my skin, then maybe I can be with Mike again.

"You never answered my question before — are you happy, Bella?" Mike asks, sounding frustrated now.

I give him the same answer I gave Alice: "I'm not unhappy," I say with a shrug and a small smile.

I stand up then head over to the dresser and pull out some clothes for bed, heading into the bathroom to get ready. After I wash my face and brush my teeth, I go back out into the bedroom. Mike is still sitting in the chair with his head in his hands. His posture reminds me of Edward's when I got home from work the day he found out my true identity. I have to look away before the tears start to fall.

"Goodnight, Mike," I call over my shoulder as I twist the doorknob.

"I love you, Bella," Mike says, barely audible.

I nod, then close the door behind me.

I pad down the hallway to "my" room, alone at last. The tears start before I even turn out the light. Why does this have to be so hard? Edward and I were only really together for seven weeks… so why does it feel like a lifetime?

* * *

**A/N: **Let me know your thoughts!


	27. I Cry

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Jumping ahead again, it's the Monday before Thanksgiving.

* * *

_Chapter 26: November_

"Seth, eat your peas," I say for the tenth time.

"But Mooooommm…"

"I know, honey, I don't really like peas either, but they're good for you. Just two more spoonfuls."

I sigh as Seth angrily shoves two spoonfuls of peas in his mouth, and with his cheeks wide as a chipmunk's asks if he can be excused now.

"Swallow them and you can go," Mike says sternly.

Moments later Seth is up and out of his chair, racing to watch the DVD his brother has already started in the family room.

I stand up and begin clearing the plates.

"Don't get so upset, Bella. He's just testing us."

"I know, I know, and I'm sure I did the same thing at that age. Still, it's a battle every night to get him to eat his vegetables. I'm getting so tired of it." _And I know it's my fault_, I add silently.

Mike joins me at the sink and begins rinsing off the dishes from tonight's dinner.

"Hey, so what hotel did you book for my parents when you made their flight arrangements?" I ask as I pick up more plates from the table.

Mike spins around and stares at me. "Hotel? They always stay with us."

"Yeah, but your parents are coming in Wednesday and your mom's stuff is still all over the downstairs bedroom."

"So they can stay in the guest room," Mike says with a shrug.

I count to ten before I say something that I'll regret. "Mike," I begin slowly, "I am staying in the guest room."

"Really, Bella, you've been home for over two months now. I don't know what your problem is — I wish you'd just talk to me — but it's past time for you to move back into our room."

I know he's right. I know he is. I don't cry myself to sleep every night now. I'm just stalling because the thought of Mike touching me… I shudder. I have got to get over this. Edward is out of my life and my very patient husband is here next to me, helping load the dishwasher — something he never did before I ran away.

"Fine," I sigh, resigned. "I'll move back in. Their flight doesn't get in until after noon tomorrow so I'll have time to clear out the guest room in the morning."

After we finish loading up the dishwasher and set the timer for it to run overnight, Mike and I join the kids in the family room to watch _Cars_ for the umpteenth time. Once it's over, Mike gets the boys ready for bed while I help Nessie with her homework.

"Are you excited to see Grandma and Grandpa Swan?" I ask her as we sit at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, I miss them."

"I miss them, too. Seems like ages since last Christmas."

"Nana came and visited last summer," Nessie reveals.

"Oh, she did?" Why did I not know this?

"Yup. Grandma had to go home for a couple weeks, so Nana came and stayed with us instead."

"Well, that was really nice of her."

"Mommy, are you and Daddy gonna get a divorce?"

"What?" I exclaim, shocked. Where did that come from?

"My friend Collin said that after his parents started sleeping in separate rooms, they got a divorce."

"Oh honey, no, no, we're not getting a divorce. In fact, I'll be moving back into our room. I just needed some time to myself for a while."

"Promise?" The look on my daughter's face is heartbreaking.

"Promise." I try to smile.

* * *

The next morning, it takes me only about 15 minutes to move all of my things back into the master bedroom and put new sheets on the bed. I make sure the guest bath has plenty of towels and check my watch — still three hours until I need to head to the airport to pick up my parents. I've avoided talking to my dad as much as possible since I got home, but now I know that I'll have no choice but to put up with the "Charlie Swan inquisition." Sometimes I hate the fact that my dad used to be a cop.

I grab the sheets that I stripped off the bed and head downstairs to the laundry room. It's amazing how much laundry a family of five can accumulate. I move some towels to the dryer and start the new load, then head to my office in the basement to do a few hours of work for my very first consulting client, stopping only long enough to make myself a sandwich for lunch.

Around 1pm, I head out into the garage to leave for the airport. Since we have a three-car garage, we've kept my beloved Mustang. However, my parents are not getting any younger and won't be able to squeeze into the backseat, so I reluctantly drive the minivan. I only drive it when absolutely necessary.

Parking in the short-term garage at O'Hare, I follow the signs to baggage claim. I'm so nervous — I feel like I did as a kid when I'd bring home less than an A on a test, like I let my parents down. I know that's ridiculous but still, I can't help it.

Finally I see them walking toward me.

"Mom! Dad!" I cry, throwing my arms around my mom once she's close enough. She squeezes me tightly and I feel more at peace than I have since I left Forks.

"Oh baby, let me look at you," Mom says as she pulls back. "You look good, Bella — much happier than you looked last Christmas."

"Bella," my dad says gruffly.

"Hi, Dad," I say, moving away from my mom to hug him, too. "I'm glad you could get the time off work."

"Hey, it's Thanksgiving, wouldn't miss a good home-cooked meal."

"Charlie—" my Mom starts.

My dad raises his hands in defense. "Oh come on, Renee, you remember what happened the last time you tried to cook a turkey…"

"Well," she says, turning bright red, "No one ever told me there would be… parts inside of it."

I laugh along with my dad and finally my mom joins in. She will never live that story down, even though it happened over 20 years ago.

"Come on, let's go grab your bags."

We walk over to the baggage carousel and about five minutes later, my parents' bags come around the belt. Dad grabs them and we're off for the exit.

On the way home we chat about how the kids are doing in school and my dad's last round of golf, where he says he made par — whatever that means. I'm glad for the light conversation. We settle their things into the guest room at home, and I get another load of laundry in the washer before the kids arrive home from school.

My mom can't cook to save her life, but she loves shopping, so while Dad stays home with the kids, Mom and I go to the grocery store to pick up everything we'll need for Thanksgiving dinner. Mike's mom is going to help me cook since I don't worry that we'll all end up in the hospital with her help. For once it's just going to be immediate family — none of Mike's aunts, uncles or cousins.

I am astonishingly successful at keeping the conversation focused on the holiday and away from how I'm doing. I was so sure that my mom was going to accost me as soon as we were alone. Maybe I'm really fooling them?

Once we're home and put the groceries away, I actually have a few minutes to myself while the kids clamber to show their grandparents their latest art projects and other schoolwork. After Mike gets home from work, we go out to Lou Malnati's, our favorite Chicago-style pizzeria, for dinner. My dad insists on making a visit there each time they're in Chicago. It's a nice evening; I really missed my parents. I'd love it if they could move to Chicago, but I know I'd never get my dad to live somewhere he can't golf year round.

I stay downstairs reading after everyone else heads to bed. I'm stalling. Once I feel like I'm about to pass out in the recliner, I finally go upstairs. Mike is already asleep, thank God. I quietly change and go through my nightly routine in the bathroom. When I'm finished, I stand and stare at the bed for several minutes before I take a deep breath and climb in. I turn facing away from Mike, praying for no tears tonight.

* * *

I wake feeling overly warm and confused as to where I am for a minute. Then I remember — I am in our king-sized bed with my husband's arm around me. Glancing at the clock and seeing that the alarm is minutes from going off, I manage to slither out from underneath Mike's arm and escape to the bathroom.

Mike is already sitting on the edge of the bed as I leave the bathroom. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

"Um, yeah," I reply. "I'm just gonna start breakfast before I wake the kids up… you know how my dad loves my pancakes."

About 30 minutes later, we're all eating around the table, except for Mike, who grabs a piece of toast and a banana to-go. After breakfast, my mom offers to walk the kids to the bus stop so I can shower. Once I'm dressed, I head to the basement to get a few hours of work in while my parents go shopping. Dad wants to visit GolfTEC to look at some new clubs while Mom plans to get some early Christmas shopping in before Black Friday.

Since the kids have only a half day of school today, Mike's parents show up around noon to take them to the mall to eat lunch in the food court and then go see that new Disney movie that opened today. I wave goodbye and try to go back downstairs when Mom stops me.

"Bella, could we talk to you?"

"Ummm… I really need to get a bit more work done before my deadline next week."

"It's important," Dad says sternly, his moustache twitching.

This is it — the inquisition. I reluctantly nod and follow them into the family room. Sitting on the couch, I nervously begin wringing my hands.

"Bella, what's wrong, sweetie?" my mom asks.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Isabella Marie, we are your parents and we know when something is bothering you," my dad insists.

I start to deny it again but then close my mouth. Should I tell them? God, a part of me wants to get this off my chest so badly. I talk to Alice a couple times a week, and she knows, of course, but she's so close to the situation — Edward — that I can't truly confide in her.

But what will my parents think of me if I tell them I had an affair? Every child wants their parents' approval and I never outgrew that. I don't want to disappoint them.

"Bella…?"

I take a deep breath, steeling myself.

"I met someone," I say quietly.

"What's that, dear?" Mom asks.

"I said, I met someone. In Washington."

"Someone like… a man?" Dad asks, the shock evident in his voice.

"Yes," I whisper.

"You… you had an affair? Is that what you're trying to say?"

I nod at my mom, staring at my hands.

"Who is this guy?" my dad almost yells. "What kind of yahoo gets involved with a married woman?"

"Dad," I begin, "He didn't know I was married. Or about the kids. It's all on me; I'm the one you should be angry with. I lied to Edward and everyone else I met in Forks."

"Edward, huh?"

"Dad… leave him alone. It's not Edward's fault. None of this is his fault. It's mine. I messed up. I had an affair. I fell in love with another man." I stop abruptly — I didn't mean to admit that to them. I can barely admit it to myself these days.

"You loved him?" Mom asks softly.

"Yes. I still love him," I say, the tears starting to fall. "I miss him so much, but I know it's over. Edward, he — well, he was adopted and I know how he feels about a mom being separated from her kids. It was over with him the moment he found out the truth."

"Oh Bella," my mom says, leaning over to put an arm around me. I lay my head on her shoulder and just start bawling. My dad, always uncomfortable with emotion, quietly gets up to bring me a tissue from the powder room.

"Thank you," I say, blowing my nose. "What should I do, Dad? Mom? Tell me what to do."

"Well, baby," my mom begins, "I think that once you give birth, doing what is best for your children should be your top priority."

I sniffle. "So you're saying that I need to forget about Edward and concentrate on my family."

"Well, no, that's not quite what I'm saying."

I look up at Mom in shock. "What _are_ you saying then?"

"I think… I think to be at your best as a parent, you need to be happy, too," Mom explains, smoothing my hair as she speaks. "And your kids aren't stupid, Bella — they're going to pick up on how you're feeling, if they haven't already. You need to do what makes _you_ happy — take care of yourself before you can care for anyone else."

I almost laugh. "That is exactly what I told myself as my justification for leaving."

"Well, the way you went about it was wrong, obviously, but maybe leaving — taking a break — wasn't really wrong. You know all we've ever wanted was for you to be happy. Tell me what would make you happy _now_, baby."

"Edward… Edward would make me happy. But it's over — he won't take me away from my children, and Mike would never let me take them to Forks."

"But you'd want to be with Edward if you could?" Mom asks.

"Yes," I whisper. I know how many people that would hurt, but God I want him. It took some time for me to admit it to myself, but I miss Edward far more than I missed Mike during those six months I was in Forks.

"Have you thought about counseling?" my dad pipes up.

"Marriage counseling?"

"Not necessarily… Try it out, Bella. I think your dad had a great idea. From what you tell me on the phone every week, things are much better than they were before, right?"

"They are; I'm not so stressed and tired, but… I'm still not happy."

"Make an appointment with a therapist, Bella. Stop wishing for what you can't have, and figure out how to be happy some other way. What have you got to lose?"

"I'll think about it," I agree with a small smile.

* * *

**A/N: **Several readers have been calling for Bella to see a therapist for a couple chapters now. There ya go, now she's had the idea planted in her head, at least.


	28. I'm Missing Loving You

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Sorry this one is a little shorter.

* * *

_Chapter 27: December_

"Mom, can we go back out and ski again?" Nessie asks excitedly.

"Tomorrow… it's dark out now!" I check my watch. "The Kids' Club starts in about 10 minutes. Tonight you're supposed to learn about making snow."

"Coooool… " Sam's eyes are as big as saucers.

It's Day 4 of our family ski vacation to Aspen. We left Chicago the day after Christmas. One of the partners at Mike's firm had a time share at a ski resort that he was unable to use, and Mike offered to take it.

It's actually been a really fun trip so far. It had been years since I'd been on skis, but I had skied as a kid with my parents in the mountains of New Mexico — though I was never very good. Mike's family used to go to northern Michigan skiing when he and Jessica were growing up, so the Colorado mountains seem huge to him. We hadn't ever been skiing as a family before though, so we all spent the first day after our arrival taking lessons. After another day on the bunny slopes, we spent yesterday checking out the town of Aspen and their 12 Days of Aspen festival, then got back out on the mountain again today.

"You're ok to handle the twins, right, Ness?" Mike asks.

"Of course, Dad," she replies, rolling her eyes and taking her brothers' hands in each of hers as she leads them away. It makes me sad to see how grown up my little girl has become and how much she has learned to help out with the twins. It's not fair that she had to help take my place for so many months.

Every time I think about what Mike and the kids went through in my absence, it's like a punch in my stomach. I was so naive to think that no one would worry just because I left a note. I still believe with all of my heart that I needed that break from real life — I just wish I would've handled things better.

"Do you want to go over to the bar, listen to the band?"

"Sure, that sounds great," I reply quietly. The loud music will get my head out of this dark place.

The bar is packed and we're unable to find a seat, so instead we get a couple of drinks then stand and watch the band. They're actually quite good, to my surprise. I'm standing, swaying to the music when I feel Mike's arms wrap around my waist. I turn my head to look back at him and he smiles at me. I remember a similar night, dancing with Edward at a bar in Port Angeles, and God, I want them to be _his_ arms instead.

While the trip has been fun, each night I go to bed as nervous as a virgin bride on her wedding night. Mike has slowly been increasing our physical intimacy since Thanksgiving, but we haven't ventured… below the waist yet. But with the way he's been staring at me all day, I'm afraid that tonight he'll try to initiate something. I know I can't really put him off much longer, yet the whole thought of it still freaks me out.

I finally took my parents' advice and called a therapist. My first appointment is the week after we get home from Aspen. I try to tell myself what I imagine she's going to tell me — suck it up, Bella, this is your life.

Honestly, the last month hasn't been _too_ horribly bad, except for missing Edward. I had only one client that I was working with, as compared to the long hours of overtime I worked last December. For the first time in years, I had time to actually go to the mall to shop for gifts for my kids, instead of buying online from Amazon. I got into the whole decorating for Christmas thing more than I ever did before, as well. The whole family went out to a Christmas tree farm to pick out a tree and then we decorated it together.

Mike's parents finally sold their house in Indianapolis and moved to Chicago at the beginning of the month. They're only about 10 miles away from our house, so Mike's mom is close by if we need a babysitter. And since Jessica broke up with her latest boyfriend, she's been stopping by more, offering to take the kids ice skating, or to a movie. She's been in love with her niece and nephews since they were born, but she's not around much whenever she's dating someone — not that I blame her.

When the nightly Kids' Club is over at 9:30, we leave the bar and meet the kids then head back to our cabin. It's a good-sized one bedroom, one bath log cabin with a really cool loft sleeping area for the kids. Exhausted from the long day on the slopes, they don't even protest as we get them ready for bed.

Mike and I decide to get ready for bed as well, and then watch a movie On Demand in our bedroom. After the movie, Mike reaches over and turns off the light. Turning over and settling in, I soon feel his arm slide across my stomach… then his lips on my neck.

"You're so beautiful, Bella. I love the color in your skin from the cold outside," he says quietly, kissing my shoulder. "I could hardly keeps my hands off of you out there today." He slips my totally unsexy, flannel PJ top off my shoulder and continues brushing his lips against my skin. I feel a tug around my stomach as Mike encourages me to lie on my back.

Mike's hands are at my waist, slowly pushing my top up and exposing my stomach, while his lips continue their tour of my neck. "I've missed you so much, baby," he whispers. "I love you."

Finally, his lips are on mine. I close my eyes and try to kiss him back, don't let on that there's anything wrong. When I feel his tongue against my lips, I open instinctually.

I feel Mike's hand creeping further north under my top, toward my breasts, and try to get my mind to shut down and concentrate on the feelings. It's so hard… Mike's smooth hands just aren't the same as Edward's hands, calloused from years of playing his guitar.

Finally, Mike pushes my top up as far as it'll go and his mouth descends, placing small kisses along my right breast before finally taking my nipple in his mouth. This should feel good — I love it when a man gives my breasts attention — but instead I feel nothing. With his right hand, he tweaks my other nipple, while his left hand maneuvers down and under the waistband of my pajama pants. I feel Mike's fingers creeping lower and lower outside my panties but I'm not even aroused, really. He sneaks his fingers underneath the edge of my panties and begins to stroke me, but still… nothing.

Finally, one finger pushes inside and I tense. I'm not… ready for the intrusion.

"Relax, Bella," Mike says, removing his mouth from my breast for a moment.

But I can't relax… this isn't right. This is my husband, we've had sex hundreds of times in almost 11 years of marriage, we've created three beautiful children, but still I feel _nothing_.

Feeling a panic attack about to begin, I reach down and grab Mike's hand, pushing it away and out of my pants, then scramble off the bed and walk several feet away, shaking.

"Bella, what the hell?"

At the anguish in my husband's voice, the tears start to fall. I turn around and face toward the bed, staring down at the floor. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I can't do this, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"Bella, talk to me! Tell me what's wrong. Have I done something wrong?"

I shake my head, the tears falling too heavily now to allow me to speak. I reach up and sloppily wipe the back of my hand along my nose.

"I'm sorry…"

"Bella, please," he begs.

"Noth—nothing is wrong. I just can't, I'm sorry… it's not your fault. It's me…"

"Really, Bella? The 'it's not you, it's me' speech?"

"I don't know what you want me to say…"

"Do you still love me?" Mike asks, his voice breaking.

"I—" Do I still love him? Of course I do, he's a kind man and a good father, but… I don't think I'm "in love" with him anymore. Am I?

"I'm going to therapy," I say quietly.

"What?"

"I have my first appointment with a therapist next week. I'll try to do better. I promise. But I just can't do this right now…"

Taking a deep breath, I stride back over to the bed and grab my pillow.

"Where are you going?"

"To sleep on the couch."

"What? Bella, I won't touch you if you don't want me to."

"I know, but… I just need to be alone. I'll be fine."

I open the door and quickly leave the bedroom before Mike can try to stop me. It's dark but I tiptoe to the couch using the moonlight streaming through the window.

I toss my pillow onto the couch and lie down, then grab the hand knit afghan off the back of the couch and pull it over myself. I lie awake for hours, crying softly. How did I get myself into this mess? Please God, let the therapist help me. The longer I continue pining for Edward, the more miserable I am making both Mike and myself. It's not fair to him. I know this can't go on much longer before something has to give.

* * *

The next morning, I avoid being alone with Mike as much as possible. I fib that my knee is hurting, so Mike takes the kids to the slopes while I visit the resort's day spa. After a massage and a facial, I spend what is probably more than the maximum suggested time in one of their hot tubs before heading back to our cabin for a much needed nap.

Deciding to check my iPhone before crawling into bed, I find seven voice mails from Alice. Listening to them, I smile as she berates me for not answering the phone. In her final message she decides that she can't wait until we speak to give me her news: Jasper bought her an engagement ring for Christmas. I fall asleep in good spirits, happy that my friend has found happiness, at least.

I'm awakened by my phone beeping with an incoming text from Mike, telling me that he and the kids will meet me in the dining room at 6pm. Reluctantly, I get up, shower off the chlorine and put on some jeans and an oversized sweater to go meet them.

Most of the dinner conversation is monopolized by Nessie's stories about the bigger hill she went down today. She is so proud of herself. Even though Ness is a clone of me in looks, I'm glad that she got some of her father's athletic ability. I was always so clumsy when I was her age.

After dinner, we drive into town and see a movie together as a family before returning to our cabin for the night. Once the kids are tucked in, I undress and grudgingly get in bed with my husband, hugging myself tightly as I fall asleep. Mike wisely stays on his own side of the bed.

For our last full day in Aspen, we visit the town again on Saturday, since Mike says that his 39-year-old body can't handle three straight days of skiing. We decide on pizza for dinner, and the kids are shocked at how thin the crust is. I can't help laughing, remembering my shock when I got authentic Chicago-style pizza for the first time after starting college.

After dinner, I put all three of the kids to bed for a nap, since they are all adamant that they want to be awake to cheer in 2012 in a few more hours. Of course, that means I have over four hours of alone time with Mike. Shit.

"Um, do you want to watch a movie?" Mike asks tentatively.

"Sure, that'd be great. You can pick."

Mike chooses _The Hangover 2_, explaining that he didn't get out to any movies this year except for shows rated G. I agree, mostly out of guilt, though the presence of Bradley Cooper is a definitely plus. Still having a couple hours to kill when it's over, we decide to watch another movie. My choice is _Bridesmaids_ since I liked it so much when I saw it with Alice last spring.

After the second movie ends, we wake up the kids and head down to the main building of the resort. There's quite a party going on, with free champagne, or hot chocolate for the kids. After the traditional countdown, we ring in the New Year with an impressive fireworks display. I stare up at the colors in the sky, wondering at what 2012 has in store for me. Please let me find a way to be happy.

* * *

**A/N: **Hopefully no one freaked out at the almost-lemon. And quite the revelation from Bella, that she's no longer in love with her husband. I think the readers figured that out long before she did.


	29. If I Let You Go

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Let's see how Bella is doing in therapy.

* * *

_Chapter 28: January_

_"Tell me how to be happy with my husband again and stop wanting another man."_

Those were my first words to my therapist, Kate Winters, at our first meeting three weeks ago. Kate wasted no time in explaining to me that it wasn't her job to tell me what to do, but rather to help _me_ figure out what to do to make myself happy.

We spent the first three sessions discussing my upbringing, Mike, and what finally made me feel like I had no choice but to leave. Really I was pretty much doing all of the talking, while Kate would take notes and ask a few leading questions as she helped me to explore the true reasons why I ran away.

Kate helped me to see how my childhood led to me becoming the "people pleaser" who would do whatever anyone asked of her. It's not just that I didn't speak up when my life got out of hand — I never learned to identify my own needs, let alone articulate them to Mike, or anyone else.

My next appointment with Kate is this afternoon, and I know it's time for us to talk about the 170-lb elephant in the room… Edward.

Ugh, I need to stop worrying about it and concentrate on my work. I've got two clients right now, small companies where I'm assisting with their year-end cash flow testing models. They were excited to work with someone who could give them individual attention, instead of being one of dozens of clients for a large consulting firm.

It feels good — really good — to be useful again. While I tend to romanticize my time in Forks, I fully realize that I could never be a waitress for the long term. Nothing against waitresses, but my brain just needs too much stimulation for a job like that.

Things with Mike are… in a bit of a holding pattern. He doesn't ask about my therapy sessions, and he doesn't push at all for any kind of intimacy. He hardly even kisses my cheek. We celebrated our anniversary last week with a card and dinner at home — not very romantic. I am still sleeping in the master bedroom, but that's more because I'm afraid of what the kids will think than because I actually _want_ to be there. I don't want to worry the kids unnecessarily, not after Nessie's question about getting a divorce a couple months back.

Tired of making myself sandwiches at home, I decide to head out to Panera for lunch around 11:30 before going to my appointment. The forecast is calling for the possibility of some sleet or ice mixed in with the rain today, so I reluctantly leave my rear wheel drive Mustang safely in the garage and take the minivan.

Arriving at the therapist's office a few minutes early, the young receptionist checks me in and asks me to take a seat. I pick up a copy of _People_ and glance through it while I wait.

"Bella," Kate calls, "Good afternoon."

"Good afternoon, Kate," I reply, smiling nervously at the pretty woman with a stylish platinum blonde bob. I set the magazine back on the end table and stand up.

"Come on back… would you like a drink?"

"Some water would be great, thanks."

The receptionist reaches for a mini fridge near her desk and pulls out a bottle, handing it to me.

"Thanks," I say, as I follow Kate down the hall to her office, closing the door behind me.

"Take a seat, Bella. How have you been?"

"Um, ok," I say softly as I sit. "No better or worse."

"Good, good. So, like I warned you last week — I think it's time we talk about Forks and this man you met. First, why don't you tell me how you ended up in such a small town?"

I give Kate the full story on how I ended up staying in Forks, working at The Lodge, living at Mrs. Cope's… meeting Alice and Edward.

"So the man you were involved with — Edward — he lived at the boarding house also?" Kate asks.

"Yes."

"Was it love at first sight?"

I blush. "I definitely found him attractive at first sight, but he was kind of rude, so that was it, really."

"And you never told him anything about your husband and children?"

"No, never… no one in Forks knew. They didn't even know my real age — they all thought I was similar in age to them, like mid 20's."

"Nice," Kate laughs. She's probably about 35, so I'm sure she understands.

"Yeah, I have to say it was kinda flattering."

"Tell me about him."

"Um, well, he's a musician. He studied to be a concert pianist and then played in a rock band in Seattle before moving back to Forks and working as a private tutor, giving lessons — piano and guitar, mostly. He's amazing, he plays with such passion. He wears his heart on his sleeve in everything he does."

"So who made the first move?"

"Oh, Edward did, definitely. I turned him down, pushed him away for a long time. I told him I wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone. But he was persistent." I smile, remembering.

"So you and Edward did, in fact, consummate your relationship?"

"Yes," I reply, my cheeks heating up.

"Did you think about your husband at all?"

I think back, try to remember my mental state the first time Edward and I made love. "Um, I guess I did at first, but it was more in the context of how different it felt when Edward touched me. But then I told my brain to turn off so I could just _feel_… Does that make me a horrible person?"

"I'm not here to judge you, Bella," Kate replies. "Can you explain what you meant about feeling different? I don't need specifics, of course." Kate winks at me.

"I just felt… alive, like there was this electric current running from Edward's fingers into wherever he touched. I felt like I would never get enough of him."

"Did you ever feel like that with your husband?"

"Ummm… no." I can't look her in the eye as I say this. "While I wasn't a virgin when I met Mike, I had only had a couple of brief relationships with a handful of fumbled attempts at sex. I guess I thought what I felt with Mike was passion, but that's because it was the best I'd had at that point. I had no idea just how much _more_ I could feel…"

"How long were you and Edward together?"

"About seven weeks, before he saw the _Dateline_ report."

"And what was his reaction to learning the truth?"

"He was shocked, and angry… hurt. He ended things right then and told me to go back home to my children."

"And since you've been home, you still think about him?"

"All the time," I admit. "It just feels like a piece of myself is missing. I love him, but I know I can't have him. That's why I need to get over this and be happy with the life I have here. Mike is a good man, Kate. He's doing so much better at helping me deal with our hectic life, and I know it's my fault that I didn't speak up more earlier. He's good-looking and successful… any woman would be glad to have a husband like mine. So why can't I?!"

"Slow down… why can't you have Edward?"

"Because he doesn't want me anymore. He was adopted and would never take a mother away from her children."

"Hmmm… I see. But if you could have Edward, is that what you would want? To leave your husband for him?"

"I — I think so. I haven't really allowed myself to think about it seriously, because it's not possible."

"All right, Bella, our time is almost up," Kate begins, glancing at the clock on the wall, "So I'm going to give you some homework to help you figure things out. I want you to make a list of all of the good things and the bad things about Mike and your marriage. Leave Edward out of it since he's no longer a possibility, and just think about your life in Chicago, ok?"

"Ok, I think I can do that," I say softly.

"Good… have Emily set up an appointment for next week on your way out."

"I will," I say, as we both stand. Kate follows me to the door and claps one hand on my shoulder as I open it.

"Take care of yourself, Bella. See you next week."

* * *

The kids' bus arrives not long after I get home from my appointment, so it's late evening when I finally get a moment to myself. I tell Mike I've got work to do and head downstairs to my office.

Once I'm alone, I get out a piece of paper to start on my "homework."

In the "plus" column, I list what I told Kate earlier: good-looking, successful, good and kind person, trying to be a better husband.

I consider for only a moment before I add "good father" to the list, thinking of how it's clear that Mike really loves our kids. He was born to be a dad, I believe. The boys are old enough now that he wants to teach them to play baseball this summer, maybe take them to a couple Cubs games. He never did it before I left, but while I was gone Mike began working with Nessie on her homework and I can tell he really enjoys it.

While I love my parents, I do harbor a little bit of resentment for the fact that they pushed me so hard, pushed so many of their dreams onto me that I hardly know which were actually my dreams and not theirs. Mike isn't like that with our kids at all and I am grateful.

I sigh… why do I even have to do this? What is _wrong_ with me?

I move on to the "minus" column. Mike was clueless for so long about my needs, and I can't say that I've really forgiven him for not noticing how much I was floundering before I left. And Mike is just so… even-tempered. Common sense says I should want that, as we have rarely ever fought, but…

Mike is… bland. He's always been a considerate lover, but I want passion. I want excitement. I want to feel like I'm the number one thing in his world. I want… what I felt with Edward. I know Kate told me to leave him out of this, but I can't. He showed me what I've been missing with Mike, things that I now realize that I crave in a relationship.

But with Edward out of the picture, I have two choices — either try to find what I'm missing with Mike, or leave him and try to find what I need elsewhere.

My stomach clenches at that last thought. Could I really do it? Could I divorce Mike? What would something like that do to my kids? I'd never want to be a full-time single parent — I know I'd eventually lose my mind. We'd have to share custody somehow… I had lots of friends growing up who were in situations like that, and I just don't know if I could put them through that.

And for what? For some crazy idea that there is another man out there who could make me feel the way that Edward does? Is it even possible to find that twice in a lifetime?

I agonize over my choices before finally coming to a decision: No, I can't do it… I can't uproot my children for a dream. If I could have Edward, it would be a different story, but I can't.

I resolve to talk to Mike about marriage counseling… There has to be a way to fall in love with my husband again. I know it won't happen unless I really make an effort. I will let Edward go and work on fixing my issues with Mike. We all deserve better than this half-life.

* * *

I am just folding a load of laundry the next afternoon when the phone rings. I quickly run out into the kitchen and answer it.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, Bella, it's Alice. Is this a good time? You seem out of breath. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?_" I can almost hear the smirk in her voice.

"No, you haven't interrupted anything," I reply, rolling my eyes. "I was in the laundry room and was trying to get to the phone before the machine picked up. So what's up?"

"_Oh, I was just on my lunch break and realized I hadn't talked to you all week. You wouldn't believe how busy the store has been — it's crazy. Plus, I've been so busy with wedding plans._"

"You love the craziness."

"_Yeah, I do,_" Alice giggles. "_So how are things with you? How is therapy?_"

"Therapy is… good. I came to some conclusions last night."

"_Yeah, what's that?_" Alice asks, sounding extremely curious.

"Well, I'm going to try and talk to Mike about marriage counseling. This is my life, so I need to figure out how to make it what I need to be happy. Sitting here unhappy while not doing anything to change that is exactly what I did before I left last year."

"_Oh,_" Alice sighs.

"What is it?"

"_I guess… well, maybe I was hoping that you'd come back to us someday._"

"Alice, you know I can't do that. My kids are here, so I have to be as well. I can't leave them — I don't _want_ to leave them."

"_But what about Edward? Do you still love him?_"

"Of course I do," I admit. "I probably always will, but I can't have both Edward and my kids. Mike would never let me take them to Forks. And I can't give them up for Edward, not that he'd let me anyway."

"_I know, I hear what you're saying, it's just… the two of you belong together…_"

I sigh. "Please, Alice, don't make this any harder on me," I plead. "I need to forget about Edward and stop dreaming of what I can't have."

"_Just don't do anything rash, Bella. Take it slow, don't rush things._"

"Ok, I won't — promise. Oh hey, I need to head out to the bus stop, the kids should be getting home in a few minutes."

"_Sure, talk to you next week?_"

"Absolutely. Bye, Alice."

"_Bye, Bella._"

* * *

**A/N: **Thoughts on Bella's choice?


	30. Before It's Too Late

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Since I doubt it's totally clear from the narrative, this chapter takes place on Friday, February 10, 2012. I actually Googled the Chicago weather for that date and wrote it into the story.

* * *

_Chapter 29_

_Come on, come on, I know they're here somewhere…_

A-ha! Finally, I find my favorite pair of jeans — the designer pair Alice picked out — buried in the drawer. I've lost about 10 pounds since I got home, so they're a bit loose on me now, but still tolerable with a belt.

Now, shoes… I settle on packing just one extra pair of sandals, besides the shoes I'll wear on the plane.

I zip up my suitcase and place it near the bedroom door, next to Mike's. One more item off my list.

Heading back downstairs, I get a load of laundry out of the dryer and add the load from the washer, then fold up the now-dry towels.

Sitting at the kitchen table, I go over my checklist one more time. My bag is packed, Mike's bag is packed, the kids' bags are packed, I've got a bag full of their favorite snacks, got their schedules… everything is ready to go.

Finally, I can relax.

This long weekend away was supposed to be a good thing, a relaxing thing… a time for Mike and me to reconnect away from the pressures of our family. But making all of the necessary arrangements for my children to spend the next four days with their grandparents is stressing me out before the relaxation kicks in.

When Mike agreed to marriage counseling two weeks ago, I called Kate and asked her to recommend someone. The following week, we had our first appointment with Dr. Riley Biers. I have to admit, I was a little bit skeptical of having a male marriage counselor. I mean, what if he totally sided with Mike on everything? But then I realized that Mike would probably feel the same way going to a female counselor.

Riley's first assignment was for the two of us to just _talk_. He felt that we really needed time away to try to rediscover the reason why we got married in the first place. Mike has no court cases scheduled for early next week, so we're leaving in the morning for Florida, returning Wednesday morning.

I know Mike is hoping that since we'll be alone on Valentine's Day, something will happen between us… physically, but I don't think I'm at that point yet. Mostly I just want the time alone with my husband. Since none of our parents lived nearby until just this past December, the kids never went to spend a night with their grandparents before. In fact, I don't think I've spent one night alone with Mike since Nessie's birth.

I am just starting down the basement stairs to my office when the doorbell rings. I stop and turn around, walking to the door before peering out the peephole. Strange… I don't see anyone out there.

Unlocking the door, I slowly open it until a figure comes into view, standing a few feet to my right and looking out toward the street.

Oh.

My.

God.

I'd know that chaotic hair anywhere.

"Ed—Edward?"

He spins around and takes a tentative step toward the door. Standing there looking nervous with his hands in his coat pockets, he is even more beautiful than I remembered.

When he still doesn't speak, I call his name again.

"What—what are you doing here?"

Edward clears his throat, still just staring at me. "I needed to see you," he whispers. "Can I come in so we can talk?"

"Ummm… that—that's not really a good idea. My, um, my kids will be home from school in less than a half hour."

Edward's face falls. "Ok," he says quietly, taking a step backwards.

"No — wait," I almost shout. "I didn't mean we can't talk, just… not here.

"Ummm… let me think. If you go back the way you must've come from the interstate, turn right on West Schaumburg Road and there's a Panera Bread right next to the street, just past an intersection with three shopping centers. Let me find someone to watch the kids and I'll meet you there as soon as I can, ok? Do you think you can find it?"

"I can find it," he says, nodding. "My rental car has GPS. See you soon?"

"Soon," I say with a small smile, closing the door. I run for the kitchen and grab the phone to call Mike's mom, willing myself to remain calm.

"Ann," I say when she answers, "It's Bella. Would you do me a huge favor?"

"_Of course, if I can._"

"Great, um, I really need to go pick something up at my client's office, and the kids' bus is going to be here in about 20 minutes. Could you maybe come stay with them?"

"_Sure, I'll leave right now._"

"Thank you so much, Ann."

Hanging up, I sigh with relief then quickly run upstairs and into the master bathroom. Oh God, I'm a mess… I'm just wearing an oversized sweater, I barely brushed my hair this morning, and I'm not wearing any makeup. As I change clothes, I tell myself that it's just so that Ann believes the lie, that I'm leaving to see a client, but my subconscious knows better.

Fifteen minutes after I called her, the doorbell rings as Mike's mom arrives.

"Thank you so, so much; I owe you one," I tell her as I open the door.

"It's no trouble, Bella. You know I love spending time with my grandkids," she replies with a smile.

Throwing on my coat, I grab my purse and car keys. "Um, I'm not sure when I'll be back. If it gets too late, do you mind starting dinner? Or you can just order pizza."

"That's fine, see you later."

I dash into the garage and start up the minivan, since light snow is beginning to fall. I need to get there soon, before Edward thinks I'm not coming. Ugh, now I'm regretting my decision to not put his cell number into my iPhone when I got back to Chicago and switched phones back. For obvious reasons, I thought it best to not have Edward's number available.

I pull into Panera's parking lot and quickly park the van before hurrying inside. Peeking over into the seating area, I spot Edward seated in a booth staring down at what looks like a cup of coffee, or maybe hot chocolate. Since there's no line in the middle of the afternoon, I order my own coffee before walking over to Edward.

"Hey," I say quietly when I reach his booth.

"Bella," he breathes, smiling that beautiful smile. "You came."

"Of course I did," I reply, smiling back at him.

"Um, so, am I to assume Alice gave you my address?" I ask as I sit down across from Edward.

He smiles sheepishly. "Yeah."

"It's good to see you. You look great."

"No, I really don't," he replies, shaking his head. "I haven't slept well since you left."

I stare down at the table. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't — I didn't tell you that to make you feel bad."

"What, um, what are you doing here?" I ask, staring at my fingers, which I'm nervously twisting together. Might as well get right to the point.

"Look at me, Bella." When I look up, I see Edward's green eyes staring into mine. "I'm here because I love you, and I want you back."

Shock. Complete and total shock. I must've heard wrong, because there's no way that Edward just said what I think I heard.

"You… want me? But… but it's been five months—"

He sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I know. It took me at least two months to get over being so angry with you, to be able to think about you again. After that, I did a lot of soul searching about what I need to be happy, and what the fallout from that would be. Once I realized that I need you back in my life, I had to work on making myself worthy of you."

"Worthy of me?" I repeat, startled. "Edward, I'm the liar, I'm the one not worthy of _you_."

"But you're this brilliant, successful career woman. I was little more than an unemployed musician. How could I take care of you… and your family?"

"I don't need you to take of me, Edward."

"But I couldn't just live off of you — that's not who I am. It's going to be ok now though, I can feel it — great things are happening for me."

"I don't understand," I reply, my brow furrowing.

"Do you remember the recording I made, to send to Ben Cheney?" I nod, taking a small sip of my coffee. "Well, he loved it, and he chose me to work on the score for his movie."

"Edward, that's great, I'm so happy for you." I smile at him.

"Thanks," he replies shyly. "I had to fly down to LA a couple times to work with Ben, and we got along great. He was so pleased with our partnership that he passed my name along to a friend of his, another screenwriter. It's looking good for me to end up working with him, too."

"So you have a whole new career?"

"Yep, and it's all thanks to you," he says, grinning at me.

"Me?" I shake my head. "You're the one with the talent."

"And you're the one who first had the idea, remember?"

I smile. "Edward, this is awesome news. You totally deserve your success, but…"

"But?" he asks nervously.

"But some things haven't changed, right? I mean, you don't want to take me away from my kids, and Mike would never let me take them away from him, take them to Forks. We're at a bit of an impasse."

"No — we're not. Because I don't need to stay in Forks. I'll move to Chicago… that is, if you still want me."

I'm speechless. It's the most obvious solution in the world and it never, ever occurred to me.

"Bella…?"

"Huh?" I shake my head to clear the fog. "Sorry, I was just — I can't believe I never thought of that before."

"Do you — do you want me to move here?" he asks tentatively. "Would you… leave your husband for me?"

"Before you answer," he continues quickly, "I know I'm asking a lot. I'd never, ever stop you from seeing your kids, but I'm not so naive as to think you'd get full custody of them. If you choose me, you'd be giving up time with your kids. I don't want you to resent me for that down the road. Take all the time you need to think about it — I won't push you."

I take just a moment to think about what Edward has said. Taking this step would make me a villain in the eyes of a lot of people. I could lose respect, lose friends, maybe even lose my kids' love. But I'll gain Edward — the love of my life. I could finally be happy.

"I choose you, Edward," I say, taking his hand in mine. "I don't need to think about it. What I need to do is follow my heart, and I love you more than I ever thought possible."

When he smiles that beautiful smile for me, the tears begin to fall. "I thought — I thought you didn't want me anymore," I cry.

"I've never stopped wanting you," Edward says passionately, squeezing my hand. "It's just — by the time I got my shit together, I thought it was too late. I figured you'd moved on with your husband and forgotten about me …"

"No, no, I never really moved on. I couldn't stop thinking about you… What made you finally decide to come for me?"

"Alice," he says with a shrug. "She pretty much sat me down and told me she was going to 'beat my ass' if I didn't fight for you. She came to me a couple weeks back and told me that you admitted to her you still loved me, but that you were going to marriage counseling, and I needed to stop you before it was too late."

I laugh. "I knew it — I knew she had some master plan."

"She didn't talk me into anything I didn't want, Bella — please don't think that. I was just too scared of being rejected because I was already too late, or because you felt the consequences were too steep."

"I don't know if you ever would've been too late," I say fervently. "I mean, I decided to try marriage counseling because the only alternative I could see was to leave Mike and try to find a love like you and I shared with someone else… and I didn't think that could ever happen."

Inside, I'm still reeling from the shock. Edward wants me. He loves me.

"So… what now?" he asks, startling me.

"Now… um, Mike's parents were supposed to take the kids tonight so we could leave in the morning for a long weekend in Florida. I guess I have some reservations to cancel," I say with a shrug and a small smile.

"Does — does Mike know about me?"

"He knows I lived with you and Alice at the boarding house, but that's it. I didn't think there was any point to hurting him like that when it was over between us."

"But you'll tell him now?"

"I'll tell him now," I nod. "I need him to understand why I'm leaving him."

"Do you think — I mean, how is he going to react? Will he try to take your kids away?"

"I don't know," I whisper. "Mike is an attorney, but he works in corporate law. I'm sure he knows some first-rate divorce lawyers, though. But he's never been the vindictive type. When I came home last September, he was more disappointed than angry with me."

"Do you need me to go with you to talk to him?"

"No… no, I think this is something I need to do on my own."

Just then, I hear my familiar ringtone coming from my purse. I reach down and grab my iPhone, noticing that the call is from our home phone.

"Hello?"

"_Bella, it's Ann — sorry for interrupting your meeting. I wanted to let you know that I just talked to Mike, and he's going to be late tonight — some last minute things he needs to finish up at the office before your flight in the morning."_

"Oh, ok, thanks for letting me know."

_"If it's ok with you, I'll just take the kids out to McDonald's and then straight to our house since the roads are starting to get bad. And you can meet with your client as long as you need to, ok?_"

"That sounds great, Ann. Thanks for calling."

"_Bye, Bella._"

"That was Mike's mom," I say, relating our conversation to him as I place my phone back in my purse.

"Does that mean I get you to myself a little while longer?"

"It sure does," I say with a smile.

* * *

**A/N: **I am very nervous to hear your thoughts! If you're thinking that Bella and Edward have a lot more to talk about, their conversation continues in the next chapter.


	31. I Promise You That

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Thanks for the great response to the last chapter!

* * *

_Chapter 30_

Edward's four-hour flight went right through lunchtime and he hasn't eaten yet — he claims he was too nervous to get anything at Panera while waiting for me — and since I skipped lunch to finish packing, I decide it's time to introduce Edward to Chicago-style pizza.

Edward startles me by pulling me to him and hugging me tightly after we stand up. I want to bury myself in his arms and never let go. All too soon he pulls away and we walk outside, Edward's large hand on the small of my back.

We could definitely walk to Lou Malnati's from here, but the temperature has really started dropping and snow is falling pretty steadily, so we get into the minivan for the short drive.

Once we're seated, we order a small Chicago Classic deep dish pizza to split. Edward is skeptical that a small pizza can feed the two of us, but I know better. And besides, their dessert Chocolate Chip Pizza is to die for.

After we order, I pull out my iPhone so we can trade phone numbers. Apologizing to Edward, I then take a couple minutes to make a few calls. First, I cancel the hotel and rental car in Florida, before we get charged for the first day, and then I call the airline. I'm sure we'll be charged some outrageous change fee for cancelling the flights, but I have no intention of leaving town with Mike tomorrow.

"All taken care of?" Edward asks as I put my phone back in my purse.

"Yep," I smile.

"You know… being here reminds me," Edward begins tentatively, "You messed up, didn't you? When you raved to us about Chicago deep dish that first time we all met up at Pacific Pizza."

"Yeah, I did," I agree. "Sure tested my skills for making up stories on the fly. I was so glad that Alice backed me up." I shake my head. "I'm sorry for all of the lies."

"Don't… it doesn't matter anymore," he replies, squeezing my hand.

"It does matter though," I insist. "You were all so kind to me — you were my friends — and I lied to all of you for months. It's just… Maggie at the diner had asked me where I was from that first afternoon, and I instinctually said Phoenix. It was obvious that she was a bit of a gossip, and I was afraid of someone finding me if she started telling everyone about the new girl from Chicago. Once I told that story once, I just… kept it going."

"Why did you lie about having a college degree?" he asks curiously.

I shrug. "I guess… I just thought that if you all knew what my degree was in, what I did for a living, it would invite more questions about why I was in Forks settling for a job waiting tables."

"Hmm…" Edward's brow furrows. "The stories you told me about your ex-boyfriends… those were true though, weren't they?"

"They were," I nod. "Garrett was my last boyfriend before I met Mike my senior year. I really did try to tell you the truth whenever I could."

"I know," he smiles sadly.

"Do you — do you think we're taking this a bit fast?" At the look on Edward's face, I quickly backtrack. "I don't mean that I'm having second thoughts, it's just… I'm worried that _you_ might."

"I'm absolutely 100-percent sure that I want you, Bella," he says emphatically. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure."

"But all the times I lied to you… How can you ever trust me again?"

Edward sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. "I don't… fully trust you yet. I trust that you love me. I trust that it was extraordinary circumstances that led to you running away. I trust that you were desperate and not acting like yourself."

"I wasn't," I interrupt, shaking my head. "I've never been a selfish person. And I had absolutely never cheated on my husband before, or even thought about it. Everything I did for years was to make everyone around me happy — never myself. My therapist helped me to see that I need to be open and honest, and communicate my own needs. I've told my last lie — I promise you."

"It's going to take time for me to believe that, but I'm willing to give you, give us, a chance — I need you in my life, Bella. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you, too," I reply, trying to keep the tears at bay. "But Edward, what about — what about your parents? Forks is your _home_."

He shakes his head. "Forks _was_ my home, until I became the number one topic for gossip. And lately my dad has been talking about retiring somewhere warm and dry within a few years, anyway. He's going to be 55 later this year. My home is wherever you are."

I take a deep breath. "Are you — I mean…"

"Spit it out, Bella," he says when I can't continue.

"My kids—" I finally blurt out. "I don't come alone; we're a package deal. Even if Mike and I are sharing custody… they're going to be a part of my life."

"I know that, Bella," he interrupts. "I told you — I would never, ever try to keep you away from them. I would never be like that guy that my mom left my dad for, telling her she couldn't see her kid. I could never do that."

"No, you don't understand. I mean, if they're a part of my life, they're going to be a part of _yours_, too. You definitely need to meet them, get to know them a little… if—if you're ready for that. Have you even been around kids before?"

"Well, I admit that I haven't spent a lot of time around very young kids, but I've had piano students as young as 10. How old are your twins again?"

"They're in first grade, six years old — seven in April."

"I remember the pictures you showed all of us on your last night in Forks. You might have to teach me how to tell them apart at first," he chuckles.

I frown, remembering the night I came home.

"What is it?"

"I couldn't tell them apart… the night I got home," I whisper, staring down at the table, ashamed.

Edward reaches across the booth and takes my hand in his, rubbing small circles with his thumb on the back of my hand. "It's ok, Bella. I'm sure they've forgotten."

God, I want to believe him, so much.

"How did your daughter take it?" he asks.

"Better than I expected." I smile. "I explained to her that I had to go away so that I could be the best mommy possible to her and her brothers. I think she understood, somewhat."

"You were thinking of your own situation, weren't you? That time I had a nightmare and you made me hot chocolate. I never realized until now."

"I was," I say quietly, wiping away a stray tear. "You were saying everything that I hoped to God my kids never thought. And to make it worse, you had the nightmare on the twins' birthday when I was already primed to be a crying mess."

"You know, I think maybe I understand my own situation a little bit more, hearing things from your perspective. I mean, I still don't want anything to do with my parents, but… I understand them better."

I run my fingers through my hair nervously. There's one more issue we need to discuss and I'm terrified of bringing it up.

"Edward?" I whisper. "You understand that I can never give you children, right? I had irreversible surgery, but even if I could reverse it, I don't want any more children. Is that — is that something you can live with?"

From the look on his face, Edward is shocked by my question. He's never mentioned having children before, and I wonder if he's even thought about it.

"You've never considered that, have you?" I ask quietly.

"No, I haven't," he finally replies. "I've never thought about having kids at all, really. Even when we were together, it was always just some far off future that I never gave a thought to.

"I don't care, Bella. If my choices are to have you or to have a child of my own one day, I choose you. I know better than anyone that blood doesn't mean anything — Carlisle and Esme have been much better parents to me than my biological parents were. They _are_ my real parents."

"Are you sure?" I ask tentatively.

"I'm sure. Eventually maybe I can be something of a dad to your kids, right? I don't need a biological child. I need _you_."

The server drops off our pizza then, effectively ending our heavy conversation. As we eat our delicious pizza, Edward tells me about Ben and the movie he's working on, and I fill him in on how my consulting business is going.

Close to finishing off our pizza when the server comes by to refill our drinks, we decide to order the dessert pizza now, since it takes awhile to bake. Ugh, it's probably a good thing I'm not going to Florida tomorrow, because I definitely will not be bathing suit ready after all this high-calorie food.

As we finish up eating the warm cookie pizza, I glance outside and notice the snow seems to be coming down more heavily.

"We should probably get going as soon as we take care of the check," I say reluctantly. "I'm worried about you driving in this snow. It's maybe about three miles up the road to where all the hotels are, up by the interstate."

"What about you?" he asks.

"I'm used to it," I shrug. "I've lived in Chicago for over 15 years, remember. And my minivan is front wheel drive. I left the rear wheel drive Mustang safely in the garage."

"Right, I forgot," he smiles. "I still think of you as being pretty much the same age as me… though I guess none of us ever asked you how old you were."

I smile back at him. "It's great now, but it really used to annoy me when I was younger and people always thought I was much younger than I was. When I was in college, I used to get asked all the time what high school I attended." I roll my eyes.

After paying for our check, despite Edward's protests, we stand and walk out to the minivan. Just a few minutes later, I drop Edward off at his rental car in the Panera lot.

"Give me a call when you're checked in, ok? I just want to know you made it safely."

"I will," he smiles. He leans over and kisses my cheek before opening the door and stepping out of the van. "I love you," he calls, closing the door before I can reply.

* * *

Arriving home to an empty house, I begin unpacking the bag I had packed earlier for our trip to Florida. I'll need to pack up all of my things eventually if I'm going to be moving out, but my Florida clothes won't be appropriate for February in Chicago, even if it has been unseasonably warm this winter.

My packing is interrupted by Edward's phone call.

"_Hey, baby_," he says once I answer the phone, "_I'm all checked in. I'm at the Comfort Inn on Barrington Road._"

I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that he made it safely. "You didn't have any trouble, did you?"

"_No, Mom_," he laughs. "_The snowplows had been out; I was fine. But I love you for worrying about me._"

"I can't help it… I just love you so much, Edward. Mike's not home yet, but I'll call you back after I talk to him, ok?"

"_All right… love you. God, it feels good to say that again._"

"I love you, too. Talk to you soon."

When my unpacking is complete, I call Kate's office and leave a message on her answering machine, asking if she knows a good divorce lawyer that I can contact. While what I said to Edward was true about Mike not being vindictive, I still want to be sure that I am protected if this turns nasty.

I start a load of laundry, since I never finished all of the loads before I left this afternoon, and still Mike isn't home. I check my phone and notice a text message received around 20 minutes ago, where Mike said that he'd be leaving the office in about an hour.

While I've got my phone in my hand, I decide to give Alice a quick call.

The phone rings twice before Alice answers the phone without even a hello: "_Please tell me you had a visitor today._"

I can't help but laugh. "Yes, as a matter of fact I did," I reply, smiling hugely even though I know she can't see me.

"_And? Oh my God, don't keep me in suspense — tell me you said yes._"

"I said yes," I whisper. "I want to be with him."

Alice screams so long and loud that I'm sure half of Forks can hear her. When she finally stops screaming, I continue, "Mike should be home soon, and I'm going to tell him I'm leaving him. Wish me luck?"

"_I'm sure it'll work out, Bella. You're doing the right thing — you and Edward belong together._"

"I know we do," I reply, tears forming in my eyes. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for pushing him."

"_I'll call in the favor when I need something for my wedding,_" Alice says, giggling.

I laugh. "It's a deal."

Moving to the family room to wait for Mike, my mind goes back over every minute of the hours I spent with Edward today. I never expected to find him at my door. I never expected he'd want me back. I never expected he'd have a solution — a perfect solution — to our impasse. I know we're in for a tough road ahead, but I want this so much. I'm ready to do whatever I can to make it happen.

Three hours later, Mike still isn't home and I'm really starting to get worried. I text him and get an answer back quickly: **Stuck behind an accident on 90, not moving.**

Sighing, I decide that having this conversation with Mike when he's just spent hours stuck in traffic in a snowstorm is probably not the best idea. I quickly call Edward to let him know that I'll talk to Mike in the morning.

It's been an emotionally exhausting day, so I head upstairs, turning off the alarm before crawling into bed. No point in getting up early tomorrow morning for a flight that isn't going to happen.

I toss and turn all night, finally crawling out of bed around 8 o'clock. I vaguely remember Mike arriving home sometime around 1am. I decide to use the shower in the guest bathroom so I don't wake him, then dress and go downstairs to wait for Mike.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table picking at a bowl of cereal when I hear movement upstairs and then the sound of the shower running. I listen for it to turn off, then take a seat on the couch in the family room. It seems like the best place for this conversation.

I'm sitting with my feet up on the couch, my arms hugging my legs, when I hear Mike's feet on the stairs. Here we go…

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, a cliffie! I don't have many of those, so try not to kill me. :)


	32. Never Knew I Was Losing You

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Thank bkhchica for today's update, as I was planning to post on Thursday!

* * *

_Chapter 31_

"Bella, what are you doing just sitting down here?" Mike asks anxiously as he steps into the family room. "Why didn't you wake me when you got up? We're going to be late for our flight. Or did I get the time wrong? We need to leave _now_."

I take a deep breath, willing myself to get through this. "We're not going to Florida, Mike," I say, looking him straight in the eye.

"What do you mean we're not going?"

"I cancelled all of the arrangements last night."

"Why—why would you do that?" he asks, brow furrowed, as he sits heavily on the loveseat.

"Because it's over, Mike. Our marriage is over."

"I don't understand. We're going to marriage counseling — hell, we've only had one appointment so far. This long weekend was supposed to be a time for us to reconnect…"

I shake my head. "I don't want to save our marriage. I want a divorce."

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" he asks, sounding frustrated. "Two weeks ago you came to me, begging me to go to counseling with you… what's happened in the last two weeks to change your mind?"

"I — I met someone," I say quietly.

"You met someone in the last two weeks that already has you asking for a divorce?"

God, why can't I just say it… Mike is looking at me like I've totally lost my mind.

"No — not in the last two weeks," I whisper. "I met someone in Forks. We — we fell in love, but… he ended things when he found out about you and the kids. I came home thinking it was over with him."

"You had an affair? Bella, this — this is not you," he says, shaking his head. "Not the woman I married. You wouldn't even cheat on a test."

"It is me. I fell in love with someone else. I'm so sorry, Mike," I say, burying my head in my knees as the tears start to fall.

"I still don't understand what's changed…"

I sniffle. "He showed up here yesterday, and he wants me back."

Mike is quiet for a long time before he finally sighs. "And you want him back?"

"Yes," I say passionately. "I've been miserable for months without him… I thought he and I had no chance, so I suggested marriage counseling, hoping I could learn to be happy with you again, but… if he still loves me after all of the lies I told, then I need to be with him."

Mike stands and starts pacing around the room. "Why didn't you tell me about any of this before now?"

I shrug. "What was the point if it was over between us?"

"This is why you slept in the other room for so long — why you didn't want me to touch you?"

I nod. "It felt like cheating on him," I whisper.

"Who is this guy?"

"His name is Edward," I say quietly.

"Edward — where have I heard that name before?" Mike asks, before continuing, "Edward, the guy who lived at the boarding house with you? The musician? The guy in his 20's? Seriously, Bella?"

"Yes, that Edward… and he's 26. Yes, he's a musician, but he just did a project writing the score for a movie."

Mike shakes his head. "You are not taking my kids to the other side of the country. Or do you plan to just abandon them in favor of your boytoy?"

I grit my teeth — I know Mike is just lashing out due to his hurt. I know I deserve it.

"Edward is moving to Chicago," I say flatly. "I'm not abandoning my kids."

Mike continues pacing, not speaking, so I continue, "I'll move out — you can have the house, I don't care. I won't try to take the kids away from you."

"Do you even want them?" Mike asks. "After all, you left them for six months."

"I know I deserve that," I reply quietly. "Of course I want them, I love them… but I'd go crazy as a single parent. I'm sure we can work out some kind of joint custody arrangement."

"You seem like you've got this all thought out. Do you already have a lawyer? Are you going to hand me divorce papers next?"

"No, but I — I left a message for my therapist, Kate, asking her if there was someone she could recommend."

He sighs again. "If you're truly set on ending our marriage… A guy I work with has a friend in divorce law. I could ask him to draw up separation papers so we can begin the proceedings."

I'm unable to do anything but nod.

"Is it — is it all right if I stay in the guest room until I find a place? If not, I can just get a hotel room.

"I figured on Monday I can call the corporate apartments where my old company used to put up visitors, get a furnished place until we can work out something with this house and I find a new home. I should be out of here sometime next week."

"Where's your boytoy staying?"

I roll my eyes at Mike's new nickname for Edward. "He's at a hotel up by the interstate."

"And you're not anxious to go stay with him so you can jump back in bed with him?"

I wince. "It—it's not like that … our connection is so much more than physical — besides, we're still married, Mike."

"Didn't stop you before."

"No, it didn't," I whisper. I just feel kind of sleazy thinking about being with Edward while my husband is in the same town, at least until we're officially separated.

"I want to meet him," Mike says suddenly.

"What?"

"If this guy is going to be spending time with my kids, I want to meet him, make sure I can trust him with them."

"Of course you can trust him."

"Couldn't trust him to keep his hands off my wife."

"He didn't know I was married!" I shout.

"He knows now."

"Look," he continues, "I — I get it, all right. I've seen how unhappy you've been since you came back. I just wanted you to talk to me so we could try to work through it, whatever it was. I never dreamed that you'd met someone else."

"It was never my intention, Mike," I say fervently. "I left because I needed a break from my life… I never meant to fall in love with someone else, but I couldn't stop it. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know."

Mike sighs. "I believe you, it's just… I never saw this coming, not after you seemed so anxious to try and fix things." He shakes his head. "I still want to meet this guy."

"Ok," I whisper. "The roads look like they're pretty well cleared from the snow last night, so maybe we can meet Edward for dinner somewhere? I'll call him and ask him."

"Fine," he sighs.

I stand and stretch. "I'm just gonna start packing my things."

Once I'm alone in the bedroom, I pack for a few minutes before breaking down sobbing. I need to see Edward. I quickly pull out my iPhone and text him, asking for his room number. Then I wash the tears from my face, try to cover my puffy eyes with makeup and put on a less grungy outfit.

When I come back downstairs, Mike is still sitting in the family room. He looks shell-shocked, and I have to turn away from him quickly.

"I thought you were going to pack?"

"I can't right now," I whisper, trying not to start crying again. "I'll text you where to meet for dinner."

"You're going to him, aren't you?"

I just nod as I get my heavy coat out of the closet.

* * *

Parking outside Edward's hotel, I walk speedily through the bitter cold into the lobby, looking around for the elevator. I hit the up arrow and fidget nervously while I wait for the doors to open.

Stepping inside, I press the button for the second floor. When the doors open again, I quickly look for the sign telling me which direction to go. Finding his room, I knock three times and hold my breath.

When Edward's beautiful face appears behind the door, I rush toward him, throwing my arms around his waist, sobbing.

"Shhhh… It's ok, baby — come on, let's go inside."

Edward leads me to a small couch, towing my coat off and tossing it aside, then pulling me down to sit sideways across his lap. I thread my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest. I try to calm myself down as he rubs up and down my back.

"What's wrong, baby?" he whispers.

"I told him… he's going to draft the separation papers."

"I'm sure that must've been hard on you," he says quietly, still rubbing my back. "I'm so sorry."

Finally I lift my head from Edward's chest and look him in the eye. "He didn't even try to stop me."

Edward's brow furrows. "But, isn't that what you want? To be free to be with me?"

"It is, sure, but… I completely blindsided him and he went down without a fight." I shake my head. "I'm sorry if I make no sense, it's just… maybe that's the difference between how Mike makes me feel and how special _you_ make me feel."

Edward gives me a small smile. "I think I understand. So it went ok then?"

I nod. "Except he wants to meet you."

"Meet me?"

"Yeah… he says if you're going to be anywhere near his kids, he needs to know that he can trust you. I told him we could meet him for dinner tonight, but if you don't want to…"

"Well, I can't say it would make my Top 10 list of things to do, but… I'll do whatever you need, Bella."

"Thank you," I say quietly, before leaning in and kissing the side of his mouth.

"You look tired," he says, rubbing a finger underneath my eye.

"Yeah, I didn't sleep well last night — too nervous."

"Come on them," he begins, "Stand up."

I follow Edward's direct order, confused as he takes my hand and leads me across the room. He pushes me to sit on the bed, then climbs up beside me and lies back, patting the bedspread. I stare down at him.

"What are you waiting for?" he asks with a crooked grin. "I don't bite. You're tired, Bella; I thought we could take a nap for a while."

"That sounds great," I say as I lie down and snuggle up next to Edward. God, I have missed being in his arms.

It's hours later when I awake to Edward's fingers lightly tracing along my arm.

"I missed you," I say, kissing his chest through his thermal shirt.

"I missed you, too… so much. God, I used to lie awake at night, wondering where you were, what you were doing… It drove me crazy to think of you with _him_."

I lift my head so I can look Edward in the eye. "I haven't been with Mike since I left Chicago last February."

"You haven't… what?"

"I slept in the guest room until Thanksgiving, when we needed both extra bedrooms. Even when I moved back into the master bedroom, I never had sex with him. I thought you and I were over for good, but it still felt like I would be cheating on you."

"And Mike didn't wonder what was going on? He didn't…"

"Right after Christmas, we… well, Mike tried to initiate something when we were on a family vacation, but I stopped things before they went too far… and then I slept on the couch. I told him that I was going to start seeing a therapist and he's barely kissed my cheek since."

Edward sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. "I can't believe all those nights I tortured myself, and there was no reason to."

"What about… I mean — did you ever…?

He shakes his head. "During my angry period, a woman came up to me when I played at Breaking Dawn, and I won't lie — I thought about it. She would've been up for it. But I couldn't do it. I kissed her and she just… wasn't you." He shrugs.

I lean over and place a soft kiss on Edward's perfect lips. "I'm glad you waited for me," I whisper, inches away from his lips. Edward leans up and touches my lips, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth lightly.

We trade small kisses for a minute or two, until straining my neck up to reach Edward's lips becomes too much. Slowly, I lift my right leg, placing it on the other side of Edward's hips. Kneeling, I lean down and kiss him again. I feel his fingers on my bare back, sliding along the waistband of my jeans where my sweater has ridden up.

"I want to feel your weight on me, baby."

I slide my knees down until I'm lying flat on top of Edward, still peppering his lips with light kisses. He tightens his arms around me, pulling me even closer. My hands are in his hair while his rub up and down my back, pushing my sweater higher with every pass.

We make out like teenagers, pulling our lips away from each other's only to kiss every inch of skin we can reach from this position. Neither of us really makes a move to deepen the kisses, to turn this into something sexual — we're fine with just reconnecting in this intimate way after five months apart.

Eventually we roll to our sides, continuing to kiss and explore with our hands. God, I have missed Edward's kisses, his touches… I never, ever want to go without them again.

"I love you," he whispers to me, finally moving back a bit.

"I love you, too. Um, sorry about that," I say, looking down at the bulge in his jeans. "Do you want me to…?"

Edward shakes his head. "I feel like we'll spoil this, you know?"

I nod, then lean over and peck his lips, before getting up off the bed to use the bathroom. When I come out, I dig my phone out of my purse. "You're still ok with having dinner with Mike?"

He nods, still sprawled across the bed, with one arm bent at the elbow and perched over his forehead. It's difficult to keep myself from jumping him.

"There's a pretty good Mexican restaurant just down the street. We eat there quite a bit with the kids. Is that ok?"

"If you say it's good Mexican, I'll trust you," he says with a wink.

I text Mike, telling him we'll meet him at Los Fernandez at 5:30, then return to the bed to snuggle with Edward until it's time to leave.

* * *

**A/N: **Thoughts on Mike's reaction?


	33. Us Against the World

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Longest chapter in the entire fic.

* * *

_Chapter 32_

Hand in hand, Edward and I walk into Los Fernandez about five minutes late. If only I'd looked in the mirror when I used the bathroom earlier, I would've seen how much of a rat's nest Edward had made of my hair during our amazing make-out session — and better estimated how long it would take to fix.

I look around the restaurant from our place by the door and spot Mike seated at a table to my right. I breathe a sigh of relief that the table is set up with the chairs along each side of the square table, so I don't have to choose between sitting next to Edward or my husband.

"Over there," I say quietly, pointing Mike out to Edward.

I drop Edward's hand before Mike sees us and lead him over to the table. Seeing our approach, Mike stands as we move closer to the table.

"Um, Edward, this is Michael Newton. Mike, this is Edward Cullen."

The two men eye each other for a moment before Mike reaches out his hand, Edward shaking it briefly, looking Mike right in the eye. I'm struck by the contrast between the two men. Edward is three or four inches taller than Mike and much more fit and muscled — obvious even under his coat and warm sweater.

Taking our seats, I nervously pick up the menu, though I probably have most of it memorized.

About 30 seconds later, a waitress drops off a beer for Mike. "What can I get you two to drink? A Corona for you, Sir, as well?"

"Um, no, I'll just have a Coke, thanks."

"And how about you, Ma'am?"

"A Diet Coke, please."

After she walks away, we turn back to our menus. A couple minutes later, Mike finally breaks the tense silence to speak. "Are you a fan of Mexican food, Edward?"

"Not really, no," he says quietly. "But there isn't a lot of good Mexican in the Pacific Northwest. Bella has tried to expand my horizons, though," he adds with a small smile. "What's good here?" he asks, turning towards me.

"I usually get the taco salad, but I'm starving so I'll probably get the enchiladas suizas."

"Why didn't you tell me you were hungry? I would've called room service or something."

"It's fine," I say, shaking my head. "I didn't want to spoil dinner."

The waitress returns with our drinks then and asks if we're ready to order. I nearly laugh when Edward orders the bistec ranchero — leave it to him to find the steak on the menu at a Mexican place.

"So, Edward, Bella says you're a musician?" Mike asks once the waitress collects our menus and walks away.

"Yes, I play piano and guitar mostly. I prefer composing to performing, though."

"What do your parents do?"

"My dad is a doctor, Chief of Surgery at Forks Community Hospital, and my mom is an interior designer."

I see Mike's eyes widen at Edward's admission.

"Did you ever think of following in your dad's footsteps?"

Edward shakes his head. "No, um, I'm a little too squeamish at the sight of blood for the medical profession, I think," he says with a small chuckle.

"Really? You never told me that."

He shrugs. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing… not something I bring up when I'm trying to impress a girl." Realizing what he's said, Edward turns beet red after that statement.

"You're prepared to move 2,000 miles away from your home and your family to be with Bella?" Mike asks.

"Absolutely — I'd move to the moon if I had to."

"I'm very sorry you were hurt by our actions," he continues. "I didn't know Bella was married when I fell in love with her, but I don't think I could've stopped myself even if I had known. She's everything to me."

"What about the fact that she comes with three young children?"

"They're Bella's — I'll grow to love them like my own," he vows.

"You'd better — I don't want my kids to be hurt by this any more than necessary."

"None of us want that, Mike," I say quietly.

"I called my parents and told them this afternoon," Mike says, turning to me. "They weren't all that shocked. Mom said she'd bring the kids home Monday night and we can all tell them together. She'll stay and help out until I can find more permanent help. I want the kids with me, Bella."

"All right," I nod. "I agree that it's best for them to stay in their own home right now — try to limit the disruptions in their lives."

"Do you want kids of your own, Edward?" Mike asks suddenly.

I glare at him — is he trying to catch me in a lie to Edward or something?

"I'm aware that Bella can't have any more children, and I'm fine with it," Edward replies firmly.

The server arrives with our dinners then, breaking the awkward silence. I dig in as soon as she walks away.

"What do you think, Edward?" I ask after a few minutes.

"It's actually pretty good," he says with a smile.

When we finish our meals, Mike gets out his credit card, but Edward insists on giving him a twenty for his portion of the bill.

"Are you coming home tonight, Bella?" Mike asks almost snidely as we stand.

I nod. "I'll be home. I'm just going to drop Edward off back at his hotel. I suppose I owe my parents a call tonight, too."

Edward is quiet as we leave the restaurant and make our way to the minivan. Once we're inside, he reaches over and kisses me firmly on the mouth. "I love you," he says, before leaning his forehead against mine.

It's a quick drive back to the hotel. Edward kisses me again before opening the car door. "I love you so much, Edward," I say as he climbs out. "Thank you for doing this. I'll call you tomorrow."

I'm back home a few minutes later. Mike is in his office when I walk into the house. I decide to head upstairs and move a few things over to the guest room for the next couple of days, then close the door and call my parents.

"Hi, Mom," I say once she answers the phone. "Um, I have news."

"_Good news? Weren't you supposed to be in Florida?_"

"Yes," I chuckle, "Very good news. We didn't end up going to Florida. Edward came to fight for me, Mom. He still loves me."

"_He showed up in Chicago?_" Mom asks, sounding shocked.

"Yeah, he flew in Friday morning. We talked and… I want to be with him, Mom. I told Mike this morning, and we're going to separate. I'm moving out of the house this week and we'll file for divorce as soon as we can."

"_It's all happening kind of fast, isn't it? What about the kids? I just don't want you to make a huge mistake._"

"It's months in the making, Mom. I want this — more than I've ever wanted anything. I know things are going to be rough for a while, but I really think it's for the best. I can't be a good parent if I'm miserable. Please be happy for me?" I plead.

"_Of course I'm happy for you, baby girl, if Edward is what you really want. We've always just wanted you to be happy._"

"Thanks, Mom."

When I hang up, I notice I've got a voice mail. It's from Kate, giving me the name of a top divorce attorney and wishing me good luck. We'll have a lot to talk about at our session this week.

I spend some time so packing up my things from the master bathroom before Mike comes upstairs to get ready for bed. I quietly go downstairs, watching TV for a little while before retiring to the guest room for the night. I wake up repeatedly throughout the night, wishing I were in Edward's arms again.

* * *

I'm eating breakfast in the kitchen Sunday morning when Mike comes downstairs. "Would you like me to make you something?" I ask.

"No, I'm heading out. I got in touch with a lawyer yesterday — a friend of a friend — and we're gonna meet and draw up the Separation Agreement papers. I'll text you on my way home but it probably won't be until around dinnertime. I have a few other things to take care of, too."

"Ok," I reply with a nod.

Once I've got my dishes in the dishwasher, I shower and dress, then decide to call Edward to come help me pack.

"Hey," I greet him with a smile after the doorbell rings. "Come on in. Like I told you on the phone, Mike isn't due back for hours."

It's kind of surreal watching Edward standing in my foyer, looking around at my house.

"Your house looks really nice, Bella."

"It's ok," I shrug. "Not as beautiful as what your mom has done. Do—do you think maybe she'd help me decorate our new house?"

"Ours, huh?" he says with a smile.

"Ours," I reply, kissing him quickly.

"I'm sure she would."

"Does she hate me?"

"No, she doesn't. She was definitely disappointed in you, and I don't think she really understood why you left Chicago, but then Esme was born to be a mom. Both of my parents supported me in coming here — even though they definitely have some reservations about this working out, they just want me to be happy."

I give Edward a quick tour, and then we finish up packing all of my things from the bedroom and bathroom. I find a bunch of large boxes in the basement from when we moved into this house for the items that don't fit in my three suitcases.

After finishing the upstairs, I make us a quick lunch and then we head to the basement to pack up my office. As we box up all of my old books, I'm reminded of the day we helped Jasper pack for his move to Forks.

"Seems like we did this once before," I smile. "I couldn't help staring at you that day… walking around for hours with no shirt on. I don't know if you realize just how hot you are, Edward."

He laughs. "You don't see yourself very clearly, either."

We're almost done with packing up the office when the doorbell rings. Asking Edward to stay put, I head upstairs to answer the door. I swing the door open and look right into the very cold blue eyes of my friend — Jessica.

"Bella," she says curtly, "May I have a word with you?"

Oh shit. She's either talked to Mike or their parents. "Um, sure, come in."

As we step into the foyer, I glance back to see Jessica's eyes darting around as if she's looking for something.

"Whose car is that in the driveway? Your boyfriend's? Where is he? Waiting for you in my brother's bed?"

I feel my face heat up. "Um, Edward is downstairs, helping me pack up my office."

"I can't believe you brought him into my brother's house."

"It's my house too, Jessica."

"You know, Bella," she begins, walking into the family room, "I listened to your explanation for how you could've disappeared for over six months without a word to anyone. I even felt a little sorry for you. But sleeping around on your husband? _That_ I can't accept."

Jessica's voice gets louder and louder throughout her rant, and just as I feared, Edward comes to check on what is happening.

"What's going on in here?" he asks, stepping into the room.

Jessica just stands there wide-eyed, staring at Edward, so I guess it's up to me to break the silence.

"Um, Edward, this is Jessica… Mike's sister. Jessica, this is Edward."

Jessica eyes Edward up and down before speaking. "Well, you've got good taste, I'll give you that. Trading Mike in for a younger model, though? I thought only men did that," she sniffs.

"Hey—"

"It's ok, Edward," I interrupt. "I deserve it."

"Jessica," I continue, "I swear to you that I left Chicago to find time for myself, not to find another man. I fought it every step of the way, but Edward is my soul mate — I truly believe that. I didn't know it was possible to love someone this much."

"But you cheated on Mike, a man who adores you! Have you forgotten about him? And now you're going to tear your kids out of their happy home? How could you be so selfish?"

"It wasn't happy!" I shout. "_I_ wasn't happy."

"And you're the only one who matters here?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry for anyone that I've hurt. I know this must bring up painful memories for you, and I'm sorry for that, too. But I won't apologize for falling in love with Edward."

Jessica shakes her head. "I've known you for over 12 years, Bella. Twelve years! But I don't think I ever knew you at all."

As she stalks out of the room, Jessica calls back, "Good luck to you, Edward. She'll cheat on you one day, you know. Once a cheater, always a cheater."

The tears are running down my face before I even hear the front door slam shut. I don't even notice that Edward has moved before his arms are around me, pulling me into his chest and rubbing my back.

"It's not true, you know," I sob. "I would never cheat on you."

Edward lifts my chin and kisses me gently. "Are you sure you want to go through with this? Jessica won't be the only person to think those things about you."

"I'm sure. Maybe it makes me a selfish bitch, but I need you, Edward. I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispers, kissing me again. "Let me guess — someone cheated on Jessica?"

I nod. "Her former fiancé, about five years ago."

Taking a deep breath, Edward says, "You know, after what my mom did, I never would've imagined that I'd be on this side of the situation. If you're selfish, then I'm just as selfish as you are, for pursuing you despite the fact that you're married. But the way I feel when I'm with you… I just can't believe this is wrong, that you and I are wrong."

I hug Edward tightly, and we stand holding each other for several minutes before moving back downstairs to finish packing. While I'm sad that I've lost a longtime friend, I knew from the moment I chose Edward that it would be a tough road.

We've just moved on to the DVD cabinet in the family room when my phone beeps with a text from Mike that he'll be home in about 20 minutes. Edward gives me a quick kiss goodbye, promising that he can fend for himself for dinner tonight if I'm unable to get away.

"Bella?" Mike calls as he steps into the house from the garage.

"In the family room," I call back.

I look up from my spot on the floor when Mike walks into the room, glaring at me. "When were you planning to tell me that your boyfriend did hard time?"

What in the hell? "Did you have him investigated?" I ask, shocked.

"Of course I did. My kids' well-being is my top priority. I needed to be sure that they'll be safe around him."

"Well then you know that he's not some kind of habitual criminal. He made a horrible mistake, a horrible lapse in judgment when he was 20 years old. He did his time. He's an amazing person for overcoming his past."

"Is he an alcoholic? Is that why he just ordered a Coke last night?"

"No, but the accident affected him irrevocably, and he doesn't drink alcohol at all since it happened — ever. Come on, Mike, you were in a fraternity, weren't you? Are you going to stand there and tell me that you don't know anyone who ever got behind the wheel of a car after having too much to drink? By the grace of God, they didn't end up causing a horrific accident like Edward did."

Well, that shut him up. "I still don't like it," he finally says.

"Look, if anything, Edward's history will be a cautionary tale when the kids get a few years older. But I don't want you condemning him because of it."

Mike sighs. "Do you have an attorney yet? Mine should be ready to go over the papers sometime tomorrow afternoon. No point in dragging this out."

"Kate gave me a name. I'll call her first thing tomorrow and see if she's able to meet with us."

"Fine," he nods. "I'll let you know the address and a time."

We don't have a lot of food in our house, since we had expected to be out of town, so Mike orders Chinese delivery for the two of us while I continue my packing. After we eat, Mike and I go through the kitchen, trying to figure out how to split up our dishes, pots and pans. Many of them were wedding gifts, which he says I can take. Since Mike had lived on his own for several years before we got married, he already had at least a rudimentary set of kitchen supplies. And it's not like he knows how to use most of them.

Before going to sleep, I call Edward to tell him I love him one more time, and invite him to come with me looking for apartments in the morning.

* * *

**A/N: **If you haven't heard, the deadline for entrants to the Taste of the Forbidden contest was last night. I can't tell you which one, but I have an entry in the contest! I hope you'll check them all out and vote for your favorites. Public voting runs September 2-7. I'm going to do my best to give the link to their profile with FF's URL restrictions, but you can also go to their Twitter TasteForbidden and get the link there. "FF (slash) u (slash) 4076435 (slash) Taste_of_the_Forbidden_Contest"

See if you can spot mine. :)


	34. As Love Is My Witness

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Another long chapter!

* * *

_Chapter 33_

Before leaving for work Monday morning, Mike tells me that his attorney is available to meet at his office downtown at 2:30 and gives me the address. Luckily when I speak to the lawyer Kate recommended, she is able to make it then as well.

After picking up Edward at his hotel, we have a quick breakfast at Panera before heading out to see the furnished apartments. The lady at the booking office remembers me from the times I made reservations there for various external auditors. She shows Edward and me a small, three-bedroom place in the next building over from the clubhouse and gym, which seems perfect. I need to call a real estate agent and start looking at homes nearby soon, but this will serve us well for several weeks. She informs us that we'll be able to move in tomorrow after they have it cleaned.

Once we're finished at the apartments, I decide to show Edward a bit of downtown Chicago. After two bitter cold days over the weekend, it's at least above freezing today. Still, I'm glad for my warm coat and scarf as we walk along Michigan Avenue, thanks to the cold wind blowing off the lake. We find a cozy Italian restaurant for a late lunch once we're too chilled to continue walking outside.

After lunch, we find the attorney's office using the GPS on my iPhone. Edward comes with me for moral support, though he'll stay out in the waiting area during the meeting. Shortly before 2:30, a tall, impeccably dressed blonde woman who appears to be in her late 40's walks into the waiting room.

"Are you Bella?" she asks with a smile. I nod. "I'm Irina Fairbanks; it's nice to meet you. And please call me Irina."

I stand and shake her hand. "Nice to meet you, too."

"And this is…?" she asks, nodding towards Edward.

"This is Edward Cullen… my boyfriend."

When Mike walks in the door, the receptionist sends the three of us back to see his attorney, Marcus Volturi.

"Please, have a seat," he indicates toward a round table as we step into the small conference room. With his slicked-back dark hair, Mr. Volturi reminds me of a used car salesman.

"We're here today to discuss the Separation Agreement. As you may or may not know, a true legal separation is rarely done in the state of Illinois; therefore, this agreement will not be filed in court. It will, however, become the basis for a later divorce agreement. Do you understand?" he asks me.

"Yes, Sir."

"Good. First, we'll discuss any financial issues. My client is proposing an equal division of all jointly held accounts. As you have already indicated that you will move out of the family home, Mrs. Newton, Mr. Newton has chosen to remain there and you will receive half the equity value in your home. In practice, the home is usually appraised and then refinanced, with a new loan in the name of the spouse who will be remaining in the home. After the original loan is paid off, the remaining proceeds will be split between both spouses."

"That sounds more than fair," I say quietly, thinking that it's probably more than I deserve — while I made a very good salary at my old company, I doubt that I contributed financially as much as Mike did over the years.

Inside I wonder exactly how much equity we have in our home today. We bought the house in late 2004, about midway though my pregnancy with the twins. While that was a couple of years before the market peaked, home values have plummeted nearly 25% since the purchase. We'd probably be underwater in our loan today if we hadn't done so well on the sale of our first home, purchased just before home values began to climb rapidly, and been able to put down a large down payment.

"Mr. Newton will start the paperwork to refinance as soon as possible. There will be no spousal support to either party. Now, as to custody of the three minor children."

_Here we go_, I think to myself.

"Mr. Newton is proposing joint custody, with him as the custodial parent. You will be given adequate visitation rights, including every other weekend and alternating holidays."

"What?" I ask, shocked. That doesn't fit my definition of "joint" custody.

"Mrs. Newton," Mr. Volturi says condescendingly, "This is a very typical arrangement, meant to disrupt the lives of the children as little as possible. True, it's usually the mother who retains primary custody; however, in this case…" He trails off, looking at me pointedly.

I turn to my husband. "Mike, can we discuss this in private?"

He looks up to his attorney for his consent before nodding. Mike and I step out into the hallway and into his attorney's office across the hall.

"Really, Mike? I never thought you'd try to take my kids away," I say angrily.

"I'm not taking them away. Come on, Bella, look at things objectively for a minute. The kids are my life; I raised them alone for over six months while you… gallivanted around the country with another man, after you left because you couldn't handle the stress of raising them. You'd never be happy as even a half-time single parent."

I grit my teeth. "For all the help you gave me in raising our children, I _was_ a single parent for two and a half years. You raised them for six months with the equivalent of a stay-at-home mom to help you."

"Look, Bella," Mike sighs, "I made a lot of mistakes — I put my career ahead of my family, and I'll always regret that. I admit my part in causing you to leave. But I think you're just reacting out of anger — you don't really want the kids with you."

_Of course I do_, I think… don't I?

Shit, could Mike be right? I always expected to have kids one day, because that's what people do, but I never dreamed about it while growing up. Nessie came along long before I was truly ready to be a mother. And while I wanted her to have a sibling, I went off birth control on Mike's schedule, not mine — and I certainly didn't expect to get two more children. But to only spend time with them every other weekend?

"Bella?" Mike asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"I can't believe you expect me to give up my kids," I reply, shaking my head.

"After your behavior this past year, you're lucky I'm proposing for you to have any time with them at all. You'd never win in a custody fight, Bella — not with your recent behavior, and a live-in boyfriend who's done hard time."

Oh God, he's right… to any outside observer, I must look like a horrible parent.

"Fine," I sigh. I feel like such a failure as a woman, giving up primary custody of my kids, but I know they'll be well taken care of by Mike, and I certainly don't want to put them through the stress of a custody fight.

We walk back into the conference room, where our lawyers are quietly conversing.

"Everything ok, Bella?" Irina asks me.

"Yes… I'll accept that Mike retains primary custody — for now."

"All right," Mike's attorney continues, "As he will be the custodial parent, my client is asking for child support from you, Mrs. Newton. In Illinois the court can set child support at approximately 30% of your net income. I understand you are a self-employed consultant?"

"Yes," I reply.

"If your income varies month to month, it may be more difficult to set an exact figure for support—"

"I'm not going to abandon my kids financially. I'll pay whatever you need, Mike."

"All right," Mr. Volturi states. "I will also begin proceedings to file for a no-fault divorce. If you both agree in writing, I should be able to get the standard two-year waiting period waived so that it should take about six months to be finalized."

We sign the Separation Agreement and I walk back out to the lobby, where Edward is waiting for me. He stands when I come around the corner and I rush into his arms, squeezing him tightly.

After Edward kisses the top of my head, Mike clears his throat behind us. I quickly step back from Edward. Shit, I'd forgotten that Mike was even there. "Mom is planning to bring the kids by for dinner around 6:30 so we can explain to them what's going on. You'll be there?"

"I'll be there," I nod.

"How did it go, baby?" Edward asks, as soon as we step out of the building.

"It went ok," I reply. "Mike's proposal on the financial side was very fair. He does want primary custody of the children, with visitation for me."

Edwards gasps. "Is that what you want?"

"I think it's what I deserve," I say quietly.

"Bella—"

"It's ok, Edward. I can't win a custody fight right now, and this will give the kids some time to ease into this new arrangement and get comfortable with you."

Edward and I spend another hour or so downtown before I drive him back to his hotel. On the way home, I stop by the grocery store and pick up some chicken breasts and potatoes for dinner tonight.

Mike arrives home a little after 6pm, while I am working on dinner.

"I didn't mean you had to cook for everyone, Bella. We could've ordered takeout."

I shrug. "It's fine. Is your dad coming too? I need to know how many of these to make."

"I think so, yeah."

Shortly after 6:30, I'm stirring the gravy I'm making for the mashed potatoes when I hear the front door open. The children come rushing in, followed by Mike's parents. "Mom!" Nessie yells, coming into the kitchen.

"Hey, Ness, how was school today?"

"Good — I got an A on my math test from last week."

"That's great, honey," I reply, hugging her tightly.

"Grandma said you and Dad didn't go to Florida?"

"No, um, something came up and we had to cancel the trip… Why don't you tell everyone dinner should be on the table in five minutes? And go wash your hands."

Ness bounds out of the kitchen and I check on the chicken breasts in the oven, before taking the pan out and placing it on the stove.

As we all sit down to eat, I avoid looking either of Mike's parents in the eye. The kids monopolize the conversation with tales from their weekend with their grandparents.

After we're finished eating, Mike helps me quickly clear the table and then we join the others in the family room. I take a seat next to Mike on the loveseat.

"Kids, there's something your mom and I wanted to talk to you about," Mike begins, before nodding at me. He wants _me_ to do this? Well, I guess I made my bed…

_Just rip off the band-aid, Bella…_

"Your father and I have decided to get a divorce. I'll be moving out in the morning."

Three shocked faces stare up at us. Finally Nessie speaks, her little brow furrowed. "But Mom, you promised that you and Dad weren't getting divorced."

Mike turns to me. "When did you promise this, Bella?"

"Um, it was just before Thanksgiving," I say quietly.

"I'm so sorry to break my promise to you, Nessie, but things have changed since then. Your father and I — and that means all of you, too — will be happier if we live separately. I'm sorry, I never should have made you a promise like that."

"But where will you go, Mommy? Why do you have to leave?" Seth asks.

"For now, I'm moving into an apartment about 10 minutes away from here. I'll start looking for a new house soon, and you guys can come stay there on weekends."

"I'll be here helping with you guys," Ann adds. "It'll be just like last year, except you'll see your mom, and I'm sure she'll call you all the time."

"Of course, I'll talk to you every night. Both of us love you guys very, very much. I know the next few months aren't going to be easy, but we'll get through it." I smile, hoping they pick up on my happiness about this turn of events.

Ann follows me back into the kitchen to help me rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher.

"I'm sorry, Ann," I begin nervously. "Please know that I never intended for this to happen."

"You're lucky the kids are in the other room and I don't want them to overhear. I understand that you were overwhelmed, Bella, so I don't blame you so much for leaving last year. I didn't work and still I felt overwhelmed sometimes raising only two children. But how could you cheat on Mike? He worshipped you," she adds angrily.

"Really? Because from where I stood, it seemed like our marriage was the last of his priorities. Edward makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. I love him so much. It nearly killed me to be away from him for the last five months. I am so, so sorry that Mike was hurt — I never intended that."

"You've hurt a lot of people, Bella."

"I know," I whisper.

Ann shakes her head. "I sure hope you know what you're doing, Bella."

Once the dishwasher is loaded and kitchen cleaned up, Mike's parents say their goodbyes. Mike helps Ness with her homework while I give the boys a bath and put them to bed. I need this time to be close to my babies before I only see them every other weekend.

It's still a little surreal to me to think about it, but in my heart, I know Mike is right — the children are better off with him for now.

I give my parents a quick call to update them on everything that happened today, until Nessie knocks on the door and peeks her head into the guest room. I invite her in and quickly say goodbye to my mom.

"Hey, Ness, what's up?" I ask as she sits cross-legged on the bed next to me.

"It's just us now, Mom. The boys aren't here so you can tell me the truth. I'm old enough to handle it — I don't still believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny like they do."

I can't help but laugh. "We did tell you the truth, honey."

"But not the _whole_ truth."

"Where did you learn that?" I ask, laughing again.

She shrugs. "Some cop show on TV."

I sigh. "Ness, the whole truth here is for the grown-ups."

"But Moooommm…"

I roll my eyes at her whining. Maybe there is some version of the truth I can give her?

"Ok, Ness — woman to woman. I do love your father, but I don't… get butterflies when I think of him. When we first met and fell in love, I felt so much more for him than for other guys that I'd dated before. I thought what we had was as good as it could get. But now… I know that the way I felt for your dad isn't the way you should feel when you marry someone.

"I'm telling you this because I don't want you to do what I did — never, ever settle for someone who doesn't give you butterflies. Ok?"

"I promise," she says solemnly. "But how do you know now about the butterflies?"

Well, she's going to find out soon, anyway. "Because… I met a man who does give me butterflies."

Ness wrinkles her nose. "So you're leaving Daddy to be with someone else?"

My daughter is too smart for her own good sometimes. "Yes. His name is Edward, and he's an amazing person. He's looking forward to meeting you and your brothers."

"Is he cute?"

"Cute?" I laugh. "You're not even 10 years old yet — what do you know of cute boys?"

"Like Justin Bieber."

"Well, Edward is much cuter than Justin Bieber," I say with a wink. "Nessie, I am so sorry that I've been a horrible mom to you for the last year," I continue, stroking her hair. "I love you and your brothers so much. I missed you terribly while I was gone, and I'm going to miss you after I move out, but your dad wants you guys to stay with him."

"What if I want to live with you instead?"

I shake my head. "For now, I think it'll be better to stick to the agreement we made, instead of fighting, but we can definitely revisit things later. When you're a little older, I bet a judge will let you choose where you want to live."

"Really?"

"Really," I smile. "Why don't you go get ready for bed? I'll make your favorite pancakes tomorrow for breakfast, ok?"

"Ok, goodnight, Mommy."

"Night, Ness. I love you," I say hugging her tightly.

I send a quick **I 3 U** text to Edward, before falling asleep, exhausted.

* * *

**A/N: **I Googled all the info on Illinois divorce law. Apologies if I got something wrong. I do have a friend who was divorced in Illinois, but I wasn't about to tell her that I needed to ask her some questions as research for a fanfic!


	35. Where We Belong

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

Posting tonight since I have an early staff meeting at work and won't have time on Friday!

* * *

_Chapter 34_

I wake up Tuesday morning feeling both nervous and excited. After waking the kids, I head downstairs to mix up the batter for pancakes while they get dressed. Even Mike joins us for breakfast.

I walk the kids to the bus stop with tears in my eyes, then return to the house to get showered and dressed for the very last time. Mike is just finishing his breakfast when I walk back in the front door.

"I'm going to miss this, Bella," he says quietly. "I'm going to miss _you_."

"I hope you find your own happiness one day," I tell him sincerely before going upstairs.

After my shower, I quickly pack up my things from the guest bathroom and text Edward before walking downstairs to an empty house. I look around it one last time. I'm sure I'll set foot in here again, but it will never again be my house. As eager as I am to start my life with Edward, I can't deny that the end of my 11-year marriage makes me sad.

Edward's arrival startles me from my thoughts.

"Good morning," I smile, opening the door.

Edward leans downs and kisses me as he steps into the foyer. "All ready to go?"

"Yep, everything is packed and ready."

"No second thoughts?" he asks tentatively.

"Absolutely none, Edward. I'm in this all the way, the hell with what anyone else thinks. If that makes me a selfish bitch in anyone else's eyes, then so be it."

Together, Edward and I fold down the back row of seats in the minivan and stack it as high as we can with boxes, as well as the second row of seats and the passenger seat. Once we can't fit anything more in the minivan, we're ready for the first trip to our new apartment. Edward follows in his rental car, filled with some of the smaller boxes.

After picking up the key from the booking office, we unload the first batch of boxes and then Edward hops into the passenger seat for the drive back to the house. We're able to fit everything else in with just one more trip. I reluctantly let Edward drive my baby over to our new place.

When all of the boxes are inside the apartment, we begin unpacking. While the master bedroom is fairly large, with a king-sized bed, the other two bedrooms are quite small. One has a double bed and dresser, while the other has a futon and a small desk. All of the apartments come with high-speed internet access, which will be great for me. Edward carries my computer and printer into the third bedroom and sets everything up on the desk for me while I put away my clothes in the master bedroom.

Since the apartment comes with a small selection of dishes, we decide to leave my kitchen things in their boxes stacked in a corner of the kitchen, where they'll be readily available if there's something I need. We also decide to leave my books, CDs and DVDs in their boxes in the living room for now. "That wasn't as bad as I expected," Edward says when we're finished.

While I take a much-needed break, Edward runs out to bring back some fast food for our lunch.

"So, I was thinking… maybe I'll fly back to Seattle this weekend?" he asks as we eat our Subway sandwiches in our new kitchen. "After I pack up my things, I'll drive back in the Volvo."

"Do you think everything will fit in your car?"

"Yeah, I think so — I don't have much besides my guitar and a lot fewer clothes than you have," he chuckles.

I stick my tongue out at him. "That's because I had two wardrobes — one for the office and a more casual one for home. Plus the things I got at Alice's shop or in Port Angeles."

"So what do we need to do next?"

"Well, I'm going to contact a real estate agent and start looking for a new home soon. Are you ok if I go see some houses without you this weekend?"

"Sure… I wouldn't want any house that you don't like, so you can take the first pass."

"All right, that sounds good. I was kind of hoping you could meet my kids this weekend, but I don't even know if it's supposed to be my weekend with them… I guess I need to work out a schedule with Mike."

"Bella, about our new house," Edward begins nervously. "You know I can't really help you with a down payment. I mean I got a little bit of money from Ben, but…"

I wave him off. "It's fine. I have plenty of money saved, and I don't mind being the main breadwinner until you're a famous composer."

Edward just rolls his eyes at my optimism.

"That reminds me — Mike and I are going to need to go by our bank and split up our joint account one day soon, too. And talk to our investment advisor about how to split that account. He'll also have to refinance the mortgage in his name only so he can pay me my share of the equity in the house. All these details…" I trail off, shaking my head.

"When do you expect the divorce to be final?"

"Mike's attorney said that no-fault divorces typically require the couple to be living apart for two years before granting a divorce—"

"_Two years?_" Edward interrupts.

"You didn't let me finish," I chide gently. "A good attorney can usually get that waiting period waived if both parties agree in writing, so that the divorce could be final around six months after we file."

"That's better," he says with a smile.

"Yeah… Um, also, I was thinking about maybe trying to go back to work at my old company once my work is finished for my current consulting clients."

"What? Why?"

I shrug. "It just might work out better for one of us to have a steady income — and benefits."

"But you hated your job."

"I hated being overworked, while I had three young children to take care of. I didn't mind my actual job. HR had told me that they'd work with me and find me another position with less responsibility. If they're still willing to do that, I think I'd like to."

"Only if that's what you want…"

"It is."

After we finish lunch, we check out the rest of the apartment complex. Edward is excited that there is a gym so close, where he can continue his regular workouts — at no cost, even. We check out the clubhouse, hoping maybe there will be a piano in there that he can play, but no such luck.

Later, we go for a drive around the neighborhood so that Edward can get his bearings in his new surroundings, ending at the Woodfield Mall. Walking around the entire mall, I stop at a few stores to pick up some things for the new apartment.

By evening, we're starving. There is a Cheesecake Factory in the mall, so we head down there, where we're told it'll be about an hour-long wait for a table. I call the kids to see how their days went while we wait.

After dinner, we order a slice of my favorite chocolate tuxedo cream cheesecake to-go, then drive back to the apartment complex.

We curl up on the couch with one of my DVDs, sharing the slice of cheesecake. It's so nice to just feel normal, spending a quiet evening at home with my boyfriend — with no lies hanging over my head, no fear of being found out. After Edward sets our clean plate on the coffee table, he pulls me closer, snuggling with me until the end of the movie.

"This is nice," he says, echoing my thoughts as he pulls my hair around to my left shoulder so he can kiss my neck.

"You'd better not give me a hickey," I argue as he sucks a little harder.

"You're mine now," he growls, "I need to mark you."

I slide out of his arms and turn to face him. "I am all yours now, Edward. But I'm a little too old for a hickey, I think," I add with a wink.

Edward gives me his patented pout, but then suddenly grabs me around the waist, pulling me onto his lap so that I'm straddling him. I twine my arms around his neck and kiss him softly.

"When you got into your car and drove away from Forks, I never dreamed that I'd hold you again. I can hardly believe it's real," he whispers, shaking his head.

"It is real. I'm real, and I love you," I say, kissing him again and running my hands through his hair.

"You know," I begin seriously, "Esme said something to me at your parents' Labor Day party that really struck me. She told me your life had changed permanently six years ago. I don't mean to be a downer, bringing up the accident, but it was the same year that my twins were born. It's like those two events, happening the same year, led us to each other. You are my soul mate, Edward."

"And you're mine," he whispers, stroking my cheek. "I think fate sent you to me so that I could finally heal from what my parents did. I understand now how my mom could love someone else so much that she could leave me. It didn't ruin my life, because I ended up with the two best adoptive parents any child could've hoped for. I can… I can forgive her now, forgive both of them, and finally let it go."

I kiss him tenderly. "Do you think we're selfish, Edward? Are we everything Jessica said?"

He shrugs. "I think we've done a selfish thing. Some people may never forgive us, never stop judging us. All we can do now is try to help your kids heal and make sure they know how much you love them."

"I do," I whisper. "I do love them. But I love you too, and I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Edward kisses me then and I melt into him. Before long, our kisses deepen until our tongues are entwined, exploring each other's mouths. I'm breathless by the time Edward pulls away from my lips and starts nibbling on my ear.

"I need you, baby," he whispers into my ear. He pulls away then, staring into my eyes. "But if you're not ready…"

I shake my head. "I feel less sleazy now that Mike and I are separated on paper. I want you too, Edward… so much."

When he kisses me again, the rest of the world ceases to matter. I feel Edward's hands on my bare back, touching me gently as he slowly raises my sweater. "Up," he whispers, and I quickly comply, raising my arms so he can pull my sweater over my head.

I pull his lips back to mine as Edward reaches behind my back, unhooking my bra. As I wiggle out of it, he suddenly pushes me down on his hard cock before taking my nipple in his mouth and suckling gently.

I slowly move over him as I tug upwards on his shirt. Edward finally pulls away from my breast long enough for me to remove his shirt, before attacking my other breast with his gifted tongue. My hands are in his hair, holding him to my chest as I continue to rock slowly.

"Damn, baby, I'm not gonna last if you keep doing that."

"We have all night, Edward — no one to stop us," I reply as I crawl out of his lap, kneeling on the floor in front of him. I tug at the buttons on his jeans, motioning for Edward to lift up so I can pull his jeans and boxers down his legs.

"You don't have to do that…" he trails off, but I can see the pure need in his eyes.

I shrug. "It's not completely unselfish — you'll last longer for round two," I say with a wink, before licking him from base to tip.

I swirl my tongue around the head of his cock before taking him into my mouth, using my hand to pump the part that doesn't fit. Just a couple minutes of long strokes and swirls and I can hear the pants that mean he's close.

"God, this is gonna be so embarrassing," Edward whines as he tries to hold back.

I reach down with my other hand and massage his balls, and seconds later he releases down my throat with a loud grunt. I watch the pleasure on his face with nothing but love before pulling away with a very satisfied grin.

"You _are_ going to kill me one day," he says breathlessly. Closing his eyes, he leans back, resting his head on top of the couch as his breathing slows, while I stroke slowly up and down his muscular thighs.

Suddenly he sits up, removing his jeans the rest of the way. Standing, he holds his hand out to help me up. "Time for a little retribution," he growls, leading me by the hand to our new bedroom.

Once we're standing beside the bed, Edward opens the button on my jeans and pulls down the zipper. "You had better be naked in 20 seconds," he says, grabbing the bed covers to pull them down. "God I'm going to enjoy this king-sized bed…"

When my very own sex god tells me to get naked, who am I to waste time? I'm lying sprawled on the bed 15 seconds later, as Edward crawls on top of me, kissing me fiercely. I try to pull him down onto me, but he pulls away and starts kissing his way down — first my collarbone, then circling my nipples with his tongue, kissing down my stomach.

I cry out when I feel Edward's tongue right where I'm aching for him. He teases me with long licks for several minutes before he begins flicking his tongue, like a cat drinking from a bowl of milk. When his fingers join in, I'm lost, screaming out my orgasm.

"Careful," he says with a crooked grin, "Or our new neighbors may think I'm killing you."

"Our neighbors are going to think I'm the luckiest woman alive," I pant.

Edward laughs before crawling back on top of me. I can feel him hard and ready to go against my thigh. "I love you, Bella. Happy Valentine's Day," he whispers before sliding home.

I wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer to me. He can't be close enough. My arms are around his back, stroking, pulling him ever closer. I lift my hips to meet his thrusts, kissing his shoulders, his neck, anywhere I can reach.

I feel Edward's arms underneath my shoulders, lifting them up as his pace quickens. I'm so, so close.

"Let go, Bella," he whispers, kissing me firmly.

Moments later, I am screaming his name. Three more erratic thrusts and Edward pulses inside me, moving slowly for a few seconds before he stills. He tries to pull away, but I am wrapped around him, not letting him go.

"Baby, I'm going to crush you."

Reluctantly, I release him and he pulls out of me, flopping onto his back.

I am a spineless jellyfish, but I force myself up and off the bed so I can clean up in the bathroom. I walk back into the bedroom and slide into bed, cuddling up into Edward's side with my head on his shoulder. "I love you so much, Edward," I say, kissing his bare chest. " I know this is right — this is where I belong."

"This is where _we_ belong," he replies, kissing the top of my head.

* * *

**A/N: **This was the final chapter. An Epilogue will follow on Sunday, and I promise it addresses both the good _and_ the bad.


	36. Epilogue

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to EKSmith and miaokuancha for pre-reading. Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.

So I posted the prior chapter late Thursday and apparently FF was doing some kind of maintenance, so no one could review. It should be working fine now if you'd like to go back and review that one before reading this one. I'll wait. ;)

* * *

_Epilogue: I Do_

_Friday, September 14, 2012_

I lean my head against the tiny window and close my eyes. I know I should try to sleep but my mind just refuses to shut down, running through the last few months.

Though there's been both good and bad, the last seven months have been the best of my life.

After three weekends of searching, Edward and I settled on a four-bedroom house about 15 minutes away from Mike and the kids. We moved in shortly before Easter. I hosted Easter dinner for Edward and his parents, and then Esme stayed for a week to help us redecorate the house. It's gorgeous now — everything I ever wanted. Edward says it's very me.

I was a little worried about facing Edward's parents, but they were very gracious to me. Edward swore to me that they didn't hate me for the lies I'd told, but still I was skeptical. Their visit turned out ok, but I could tell they haven't completely forgiven me for the lies I told.

I introduced Edward to my children the first weekend after he returned from his trip home to Forks. Nessie was taken with him right away, declaring that he was much cuter than Justin Bieber. Once Edward played her a couple songs on his guitar, she was head over heels for him. I ended up buying Ness a guitar for her tenth birthday, and Edward has been giving her lessons every time the kids stay with us. Mike wasn't too thrilled about that until he saw how happy it made her.

It's been a bit of a tougher road with the boys, especially Seth. He was already acting out somewhat before I moved out, but after that, he started causing trouble in school. I talked to Kate about it, and she suggested family therapy for all of us to help the kids deal with the changes in their lives. Nessie said she's fine and didn't want to go to therapy, but she's almost taking this too well, and I don't want to deal with a rebellious teenager in three more years, so I am making her go, despite her protests. Edward was a little bit intimidated by such young kids at first, and I think the boys fed on his nervousness. But as spring arrived and Edward began showing them how to throw a baseball and swing the bat, they came around a little bit. He's more like an overgrown big brother to them than a father, though.

Mike's mom stayed with them for about a month, until Mike was able to get his caseload reduced enough to ensure that he could always get the kids to the bus stop before he had to go into the office. A string of teenage girls from the neighborhood would take turns watching the kids from the time they got home from school until Mike got home from work. There were a couple nights when he had to work late and Mike's parents were unavailable, when he asked me to stop by to stay with them, which of course I was happy to do. When school got out for the summer, Mike's mom started helping out more again, plus Mike enrolled all three kids in summer camp activities. School has been back in session for several weeks now, and it's back to the old routine with teenage babysitters.

When I got my kids for two weeks in July, Edward and I took them to Phoenix to see their grandparents. It was also the first time Edward met my parents. My mom — cougar that she is — thinks Edward is just adorable. I know he was intimidated by my father, but I managed to stop Dad from greeting him with a shotgun. Still, I was mortified when Dad asked Edward when he was planning to make an honest woman out of me. I had to remind my dad that I was still married — on paper, anyway.

Our final divorce hearing is coming up next week. I've talked to Irina about my chances of getting more time with the kids than what I had initially agreed to. She believes that by showing the court that I can provide a stable home environment after my behavior last year will be the biggest hurdle. Thankfully, she doesn't think Edward's past should factor in at all, once we explained the situation. I'm not hopeful that any changes to the custody agreement will be made next week, but if we can convince a judge to revisit things in six months or so, I will feel like I've won the first battle.

The first step toward providing a stable environment was my job situation. After talking with HR at my old company, I stopped taking on new consulting clients. By the end of March, all of my existing projects were finished and I went back to the corporate world. I'm working in a new position now on the Pricing side and I love it. I work normal hours with very little overtime and I get to see one project through to completion, instead of doing the same thing month after month. It's a bit of a pay cut from my previous role but so worth it. While the majority of my co-workers welcomed me back with open arms, there are several who have been more judgmental about my choices. I try not to let it upset me too much — after all, I expected some backlash.

Meanwhile, Edward's career has just taken off. He finished a second movie score and is working on his third now. As a housewarming gift, Edward's parents paid to have his baby grand piano from their house moved into ours, and we turned the formal living room into his music room. I'm so proud of him for no longer letting his past hold him back from realizing his dreams.

Edward has had to make a few trips to LA while working on his projects. His longest trip was for two weeks and I thought I'd never survive his absence. How did I ever think I could live the rest of my life without Edward?

I can't say that our relationship is perfect — no relationship is. But we have much more of an equal partnership than Mike and I ever had. Edward is still semi-useless in the kitchen, aside from loading and unloading the dishwasher, but once the weather turned nice, he began grilling outside several nights a week. Guys seem to be born knowing how to work a grill. I try to cook a few healthy meals per week to go with Edward's meat, meat, meat. We also eat out a lot, as my waistline can attest.

But it's the little things that make me feel so blessed. Just like last summer in Forks, Edward seems to have this need to be touching me almost constantly. Or he leans over and kisses me for no reason at all. And of course our sex life is better than ever. I still can't get enough of him. I hope that never ends. I hope the butterflies never end.

In the past couple of months, Mike has started dating again. His girlfriend is a 35-year-old widow with a son and daughter around Nessie's age. Jessica introduced them. I wanted to tease him about how well that worked out for him the first time, but I wisely refrained. I'm happy for him — I never meant him any ill will. Speaking of Jessica, both she and her parents have practically cut me out of their lives, which was pretty much to be expected. Mike is civil to me for the kids' sake, but we're not what I'd call friends.

_"The Captain has turned on the Fasten Seat Belts sign. Please fasten your seat belts in preparation for landing."_

"Edward," I say, nudging him awake. "We're almost there."

He blinks at me, bleary-eyed and adorable. I can't resist leaning in for a quick kiss.

"Did you sleep?"

I shake my head. "I'm too keyed up."

Edward laughs. "You'd think you're the one getting married."

About a half hour later, we file off the plane and then walk hand in hand to the rental car desk. Edward's parents offered to come pick us up at SeaTac, but we didn't want to put them out making such a long drive. It's close to 7pm by the time we're on the road, so we stop for some fast food before we start the long drive to Forks.

When we finally arrive at Edward's parents' house, we're both exhausted, especially with the two-hour time difference. After greeting his parents, we head upstairs to his old bedroom and fall asleep within minutes.

* * *

Saturday morning, we have to be at Alice's parents' home by 11am. Both Edward and I are part of the wedding party. Edward is one of Jasper's groomsmen — his brother Jared is best man — while Rose and I are sharing the bridesmaid-slash-maid of honor duties. I feel awful that I didn't have enough vacation time to fly out early and attend the bridal shower or bachelorette party or anything like that, but from the pictures I saw — Rose did a wonderful job.

By the time we arrive and I make my way to Alice's old bedroom, she already has her hair and makeup done. She looks beautiful. I hug her closely, trying not to mess anything up, and wish her good luck.

Rose and I help Alice into the sequined, lacy white dress that she designed herself, and then it's our turn to get dressed. Alice was a doll and chose black, knee-length off-the-rack dresses so that I could buy my dress in Chicago and both Rose and I would be able to wear them again.

The ceremony goes off without a hitch. I can't stop staring at Edward in his dark gray suit and green tie — he's absolutely breathtaking.

After a buffet lunch in the Brandons' backyard, Alice and Jasper cut the cake, toss the bouquet — which Rose catches — and then the dancing begins. Alice didn't have a lot of money to spend on her wedding, but she just wanted a simple party with her family and close friends, anyway. It's perfect.

"You look beautiful," Edward whispers as he spins me around the makeshift dance floor.

"You're not so bad yourself. If you'd worn a tux, I don't think I would've been able to control myself."

He laughs before dipping me.

"Stop it," I laugh. "You know I can't dance very well — not to mention the four-inch heels Alice has me in."

"I'll never let you fall," he whispers before pulling me close.

When the dance is over, Edward leads me to the gazebo in a private corner of the yard.

"What are we doing here?"

"There—there's something I wanted to ask you."

"Ok…" I'm confused as to what he could need to ask — right now — that would require privacy.

When he gets down on one knee, I know exactly what he wants to ask me.

"Isabella Swan, you have given me more happiness than I ever thought possible… will you marry me?"

I'm crying before he's even finished the sentence. Nodding my head, I kneel down, grasping Edward's face in my hands and kissing him firmly.

"I love you, Edward. I would be honored to be your wife."

He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small box. When he opens it to reveal a gorgeous platinum ring with one large round diamond, surrounded by several tiny diamonds, I gasp in surprise.

"Edward, it's beautiful, but it's too much…"

He shakes his head. "Esme gave it to me to give you. It was her mother's."

As he slips the ring onto my finger, I'm amazed to see that it's a perfect fit. I look at him questioningly.

"I, uh, borrowed one of your rings to get your ring size and she had it resized," he admits sheepishly.

We leave the gazebo, fingers entwined. "Do you mind if we wait until tomorrow to tell everyone?" Edward asks. "I don't want to take the spotlight away from the happy couple."

"I think that's a wonderful idea," I smile.

Saying our goodbyes, we hop into the rental car and drive back to Edward's parents' house.

"I really, really wish we were staying at a hotel or something," I say as we pull onto the gravel road leading to their home. "The things I want to do to you tonight won't be quiet."

Edward laughs. "My parents' room is at the far end of the hall and my room is pretty much soundproof," he says with a wink. "Esme did that so I didn't keep them up all night playing my guitar back in high school."

"Bless your mother."

Parking the car, we run up the stairs to Edward's room, locking the door behind us.

"Do you know," he begins with a predatory look in his eye, "What every guy's fantasy is?"

I remember how this goes. "No, but I bet you're going to tell me."

"Every guy," he whispers in my ear, "Dreams of" —kiss— "getting lucky" —kiss— "in his childhood bedroom."

In response, I reach out my hands and loosen Edward's tie, then pull it over his neck and toss it to the side. Next, I slowly unbutton his white dress shirt and tug it out of his slacks. As I unbutton his pants and slowly pull the zipper down, Edward reaches his hand out to stop me.

"Turn around."

Complying with no hesitation, I feel his hands slowly tugging down the zipper on the back of my dress. He pushes the straps down my arms and it falls to the floor. Stepping out of the dress, I slowly turn around to face Edward, wearing only my black lace bra and panties.

"Nice," he nods appreciatively.

"Where do you want me?" I ask with a wink.

"Hmmm… so many choices. Let's start with on the desk."

"Start with?"

He shrugs. "I had a lot of fantasies."

I walk over to Edward's childhood desk and jump up on it. When he stalks toward me and reaches for the waistband of my tiny panties, I lift my hips so he can pull them down.

Edward kisses me slowly and I don't even notice as he pulls his cock out of his boxers. I look down as he rubs it between my legs, gathering my wetness before plunging inside. "Hang on tight," he growls.

"Oh God," I scream as he lifts my right leg up to his shoulder and begins thrusting into me deeply. I want to reach out for him, but I need my hands flat on the desk to keep my balance.

I lean up, capturing Edward's lips in mine. We kiss lazily as he brings me closer and closer to a climax.

"Are you close?" he asks. At my nod, he plunges his tongue into my mouth, swallowing my moans as I fall over the edge. Edward follows seconds later and stills, still mostly dressed.

"As good as your fantasy?" I ask, breathless.

"Even better," he replies. "Because it's you. I love you so much, Bella. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife," he says, leaning his forehead against mine.

"If you ask me a thousand times, I'll say yes every time, Edward." I kiss him sweetly. "I love you."

"You know," he whispers in my ear. "I kinda had a fantasy about my bed, too."

"I thought you might have," I reply, jumping down from the desk. "Race you!"

* * *

**A/N: **That's it. The end. I hope everyone enjoyed the journey. :)

My one-shot for the "Taste of the Forbidden" contest won Honorable Mention - Judges Vote as well as SoapyMayhem's choice for Judges Favorite! It's called "Oh Brother" and is posted on my profile now. I will be continuing the story, with the first new chapter up within a week or two. Hope everyone will check it out. :)


End file.
